I will be on the air on Thursday.

WW is still non-committal on polygraph, and asks why I am fixated on it. I told her that I am fixated on saving M and protecting myself.

This all just seems so futile. She was so apologetic and weepy last night. I fell for it last time, despite the warnings.

She is addicted to this other man and refuses to come clean thru a polygraph because she has a lot to hide. What is unusual is the remorse she is showing. WW's usually check out, are remorseless, and are in deep fog and withdrawal. Yours at least offers some hope in this regard.

But this POSOM is not only a grave threat to your marriage that must be removed, he is a physical threat to you and your children. Your mission is to kill the affair and protect your family from this predator.

Great job getting on the show! Be sure to ask Dr. Harley for concrete steps that need to be taken. Also let him know about the criminal history of this man and the threat he made to you. Finally, ask him what the next logical step is should your wife refuse to take the Poly.Good luck!

I would expect your WW's emotions to be all over the place. Weepy and apologetic one minute, angry the next, happy, depressed...it is not unusual at all for waywards to vacillate between emotions. Being wayward, ie addicted, is an emotional rollercoaster afterall. Watch "Intervention" once and see how those addicts act. Same thing here...

Just stick to the plan. Do NOT fold on the poly.

I won't fold on the poly, but I am starting to withdraw farther from WW. I am so angry right now I could scream. Thankfully WW and kids are at dance.

WW is completely unable to realize that it is impossible for me to trust her now, without something concrete to build on. I actually think it would be easier if she took and failed the test than this vacillating nonsense.

It will be a dark day tomorrow. I had to get WW a card so that the kids don't see how hopeless I am right now. I found the perfect one at least: "My heart is black... but it is all yours" I signed it "Please change it back. Love Forged"

I hope you're joking about the card.

Why do you say that?

It's negative and will be an LB not a deposit.

Maybe you are right. I am not particularly focused on deposits today, my mood is dark. I guess I should just not give a card.

I am glad my mind was changed on the card choice. WW spent a lot of time trying to make Valentine's day meaningful. She made a nice dinner with strawberry shortcake for dessert, my favorite cookies, a large stack of cutout hearts with loving statements written on them. She was remorseful and loving. She has been acting with contrition and has avoided any resentful or entitled attitude. I know this is all common, and I am not reading too much into it.

I avoided mentioning the poly yesterday. I did reiterate my need to feel safe before I take down any of the walls that I have erected. She could see I was having a tough time yesterday, and she tried to make me feel better. I think she appreciated the fact that I did not perseverate on the poly for a short time. I have not been able to meet her EN for intimate affection or SF. I have just begun returning her ILY recently. My anger is great, and her refusal to take poly has made my defenses go into overdrive. I have avoided all LB, and try to meet her other EN.

Her parents talked to her in length the day before yesterday. WW gave me a rundown of the conversation. They scolded her like youngster for her poor choices and misdeeds. They also continued to urge her not to take the poly. Her father is acting like he wants us to save our marriage, but also like she should be protecting herself in case of a litigious divorce. He insinuated that I was collecting evidence for such a case. She said that she told him no evidence was needed since she already confessed to having a PA, and that she would not deny it if we ended up in court.

I will press for the poly briefly today, and will take to heart all of the information I get from Dr. Harley on Thursday.

She has not responded to my poly request today. She said she is going to a prayer group tonight at church. I warned her that she would likely be praying for us, since I put in a prayer request last Sunday. That did not seem to deter her. She has to take DD since I will be at scouts with DS, so I am sure she will be going where she claims.

I am eager to see what she came up with for Dr Harley.

I am feeling dejected by her inability to agree with the poly. She is showing remorse and kindness, but it just feels like an in between day for the A.

I asked WW if she reconsidered my request for the test. She said that she had spoken with our pastor and he discouraged her from taking the test. I pointed out that she promised to do whatever it took to regain my trust, yet she refuses to do the one thing that I asked. She said "I guess we are at a stopping point then"

I think I need ask her to sleep in the spare room.

No, don't ask her to sleep in the spare room. Since you will be talking to Dr. Harley tomorrow, wait and hear what he has to say about her refusal to take the poly.

WW finished her email to Dr. Harley. She glossed over much of the story. She extolled her willingness to save our M. She questioned the need for the poly because I already know she lied and had an affair. She also said she had concerns about the poly because it can give false results, and she doesn't see what I could gain from it. She didn't talk about her backsliding or breaking EPs. She minimized the A in length and intensity.

Big day tomorrow. I am hoping for some meaningful advice.

The most important fact in all of this is that she resumed contact with this felon. Very recently she violated the EP's that are in place.

The poly is important because if she is forced to take it, she may just come clean with things that you weren't aware of before she takes it. You need to know the facts because her affair is still ongoing. I hope that she isn't reading this thread.

Be sure to mention to Dr. Harley that this guy is a sex offender and that she met with him last week.

Dr Harley has all of the facts about our sitch. I let him know that WW's last documented contact with OM was 1/27. Her most recent EP break was 1 week ago, when she discussed our M with her facilitating sister, despite agreeing not to do so. Facili-SIL also spread word about the poly to FIL and MIL, causing a big commotion.

I have a bad feeling about the outcome of forcing the poly. Even if Dr Harley has an award winning explanation of the reasons to take it, I feel she will refuse.

I am fairly certain WW has not read the thread. I am sure she would have protested the amount and type of information I have shared here if she read it.

re: "I have a bad feeling about the outcome of forcing the poly. Even if Dr Harley has an award winning explanation of the reasons to take it, I feel she will refuse."

So then be sure to ask Dr. Harley what you should do if she won't take the poly.

Write down the questions you have for him, and check them off as they are answered on the show.

Did you tell him the facts about the first affair, when it was and how long it lasted, etc?

Yes, I started way back, and included the full story.

WW spoke with Joyce today, and had new insight into the reasons for the test, and has agreed to take it. I assured her that the results of the test were not going to change my willingness to work with her to rebuild our M. I am preparing for the call now.

Awesome news!