Thanks happyheart.I don't know about muscular or good looking for that matter lol.Bit of a beer belly and a double chin maybe.Yes he did have an affair with a former carer so my wife said.I would love to meet her and asked what happened but I don't know anything about her.I am going to write WW an email.I have nothing to lose.I will put it up on MB so would appreciate any comments.Will do it tommorow.Thanks everyone who has taken the time and effort to post.

Livingwell ,hope you are well.You said a while back that you could help with a letter that would bring tears to WW eyes.I wonder if you could help please.cheers rob

Dear ....,

I an writing this letter to tell you how much I love you and to let you know I am not giving up on us.

I still remember <put in some fond and loving memories from when you realized you loved each other>

I love your <put in ample information about her good character like you told us, with examples how her good heart worked out in reality>

I am sorry that my mistakes in the past have contributed to a situation in which an affair was possible. Although I am hurt beyond ... that you are having an affair with another man, I know we can be a strong team. Just know that my arms will be open for you when you come back.

We can have a loving marriage that is everything we wished for and wanted when we <insert fond moment when you decided to marry>. We can make the marriage better then before, filled with love and excitement and where all of your needs are met.

With all my love <please put this in you rown words>


This is a first outline. Try to fill in the blanks and the others will improve on it.
Brace yourself for her reaction. She has a heart and a conscience. She justifies her affair by telling herself what an undeserving bum you are. That you don't really love her etc.

If she reads the letter, she will be touched, but she does not want to admit it to herself. Therefore she must try to make it right again in her headby saying nasty things to you.

If you react angry to the nasty things it would be easier for her to think you are a bum and her affair with OM is the right thing to do.
If you stick to your course and respond with kindness, it will be more difficult for her to justify her affair in her head.

She will not tell you that of course, but that is how the mind works. After she comes out of the fog - and she will - she will remember your loving words. And every time OM slips up, or can't do anything fun with her, fond thoughts of you will creep up. One day she will not be able to push those thoughts aside anymore and she will come out of the fog.

So don't be thrown off course if she has an angry reaction. It is just a sign that she was touched.

Thank you happyheart, that is lovely

Thanks happyheart,that bought a tear to my eye i can tell you.



Dear xxx
I am writing this letter to tell you how much I love you and to let you know I am not giving up on us.
I still remember when we first met and used to hang out in the field to get away from jessie hale.And having are first holiday together down sand bay.And you all used to come up my bedsit and we used to hang out by the docks.I remember my dad buying you some flowers.Such a long time ago but some great memories.
You always had a big heart.A truly genuine caring person with a great sense of humour.I could always be myself with you.I felt so lucky to have you.Nothing was ever to much trouble for you.You put up with a lot in your life and came through shining.
I am sorry that my mistakes in the past have contributed to a situation in which an affair was possible. Although I am hurt beyond belief,I have never experienced pain and turmoil like it.I don't think a minute has gone by when I haven't thought about you.I miss you so much,I really do.I can't picture life without you.It hurts so much that you are having an affair with another man.I know we can be a strong team. Just know that my arms will be open for you when you come back.
We can have a loving marriage that is everything we wished for and wanted.I remember proposing to you up glastonbury tor.
We can make the marriage better then before, filled with love and excitement and where all of your needs are met.
I have loved all the holidays that we have had together as a family.We had some fantastic times.although we never had much money we made the most of it.I didn't realize how priceless those holidays were and look back on them with very fond memories.
Even the days out like driving over exmoor to lynton and lymouth.I truly love you more than anyone else and will always love you.It made me so happy when you told me a year ago that you were happy with me.love rob

I have added some more so any comments welcome please.


Dear xxx
I am writing this letter to tell you how much I love you and to let you know I am not giving up on us.
You have been the love of my life for 21 years.I may not have always shown it but it's true.
I still remember when we first met and used to hang out in the field to get away from xxxx.And having are first holiday together down xxx.And you all used to come up my bedsit and we used to hang out by the docks.I remember my dad buying you some flowers.Such a long time ago but some great memories.
It may have started as a one night stand but it ended in marriage,all relatonships have to start somewhere.
It took me a long time to fall in love with you,but when I did I knew it would be for ever.I have tears rolling down my face as I write this letter to you.It breaks my heart.
You always had a big heart.A truly genuine caring person with a great sense of humour.I could always be myself with you.I felt so lucky to have you.Nothing was ever to much trouble for you.You put up with a lot in your life and came through shining.
I am sorry that my mistakes in the past have contributed to a situation in which an affair was possible.I know my connection with you has become weak and I have learned how important it is to meet your needs.
I am hurt beyond belief,I have never experienced pain and turmoil like it.I don't think a minute has gone by when I haven't thought about you.I miss you so much,I really do.I can't picture life without you.It hurts so much that you are having an affair with another man.I feel such betrayal,as you could of stopped going up to see him and he knew you were married and should of never come on to another mans wife.
People who have affairs justify themselves by rubbishing there marriage and thinking of all the bad points in there marriage.The grass is never greener on the other side.I have been reading up on marriage and have discovered a path that both of us can take to cover from the wreckage of this affair and from any neglect that you may have felt in the past.We can move forward in a relationship that is both loving and passionate, I know we can be a strong team and I hope you consider you proposal to return home.
We can have a loving marriage that is everything we wished for and wanted.
I remember proposing to you up glastonbury tor.
We can make the marriage better then before, filled with love and excitement and where all of your needs are met.
I have loved all the holidays that we have had together as a family.We had some fantastic times.although we never had much money we made the most of it.I didn't realize how priceless though holidays were and look back on them with very fond memories.
Even the days out like driving over exmoor to lynton and lymouth.I truly love you more than anyone else and will always love you.
It made me so happy when you told me about a year ago that you were happy with me and I said I was happy with you to.
love rob

Sorry for the long response time, I have been driving the car all night and will get back to you in a few hours I hope.

I would like to thank you sugarcane for talking me out of doing plan B.You didn't have to say what you did.Thanks

Yes this helped me too. I walk this fire with you brother...read my thread if you'd like. I find it helpful to find gems like this in other people's travels. I too have been struggling greatly. I wish you all the best. And thanks to sugarcane for these words.

Thanks jimbobalu, I will read your thread.It's nice to know that we are not alone.So hard sometimes.the pain.Came back from walking the dog and shouted hello.Forgot for a second.No answer of course.cheers for the post and the support jim.

I have added some more so any comments welcome please.


Dear xxx
I am writing this letter to tell you how much I love you and to let you know I am not giving up on us.
You have been the love of my life for 21 years.I may not have always shown it but it's true.
I still remember when we first met and used to hang out in the field to get away from xxxx.And having are first holiday together down xxx.And you all used to come up my bedsit and we used to hang out by the docks.I remember my dad buying you some flowers.Such a long time ago but some great memories.
It may have started as a one night stand but it ended in marriage,all relatonships have to start somewhere.
It took me a long time to fall in love with you,but when I did I knew it would be for ever.I have tears rolling down my face as I write this letter to you.It breaks my heart.
You always had a big heart.A truly genuine caring person with a great sense of humour.I could always be myself with you.I felt so lucky to have you.Nothing was ever to much trouble for you.You put up with a lot in your life and came through shining.
I am sorry that my mistakes in the past have contributed to a situation in which an affair was possible.I know my connection with you has become weak and I have learned how important it is to meet your needs.
I am hurt beyond belief,I have never experienced pain and turmoil like it.I don't think a minute has gone by when I haven't thought about you.I miss you so much,I really do.I can't picture life without you.It hurts so much that you are having an affair with another man.I feel such betrayal,as you could of stopped going up to see him and he knew you were married and should of never come on to another mans wife.
People who have affairs justify themselves by rubbishing there marriage and thinking of all the bad points in there marriage.The grass is never greener on the other side.I have been reading up on marriage and have discovered a path that both of us can take to cover from the wreckage of this affair and from any neglect that you may have felt in the past.We can move forward in a relationship that is both loving and passionate, I know we can be a strong team and I hope you consider you proposal to return home.
We can have a loving marriage that is everything we wished for and wanted.
I remember proposing to you up glastonbury tor.
We can make the marriage better then before, filled with love and excitement and where all of your needs are met.
I have loved all the holidays that we have had together as a family.We had some fantastic times.although we never had much money we made the most of it.I didn't realize how priceless though holidays were and look back on them with very fond memories.
Even the days out like driving over exmoor to lynton and lymouth.I truly love you more than anyone else and will always love you.
It made me so happy when you told me about a year ago that you were happy with me and I said I was happy with you to.
love rob

Dear xxx,

I am writing this letter to tell you how much I love you and to let you know I am not giving up on us.

You have been the love of my life for 21 years. I may not have always shown it but it's true.
I don't fall in love easily, but when I fell in love with you I knew it would be for ever.

I still remember when we first met and used to hang out in the field to get away from xxxx. And having are our first holiday together down xxx. You all used to come up my bedsit and we used to hang out by the docks. I remember my dad buying you some flowers. Such a long time ago but some great memories. I remember proposing to you up glastonbury tor and how happy I felt when you agreed to be my wife.

I have loved all the holidays that we have had together as a family. We had some fantastic times. Although we never had much money we made the most of it. I didn't fully realize how priceless those holidays were and look back on them with very fond memories. Even the days out like driving over exmoor to lynton and lymouth.
It made me so happy when you told me about a year ago last autumn/winter/spring/summer that you were happy with me and I said I was happy with you too. I truly love you more than anyone else and will always love you.

You always had a big heart. A truly genuine caring person with a great sense of humour. I could always be myself with you. I felt so lucky to have you. Nothing was ever too much trouble for you. You put up with a lot in your life and came through shining.

I am sorry that my mistakes in the past have contributed to a situation in which an affair was possible.I am hurt beyond belief and I have never experienced pain and turmoil like it. I don't think a minute has gone by when I haven't thought about you. I miss you so much,I really do. I can't picture life without you. I have tears rolling down my face as I write this letter to you. It breaks my heart.

I know we can be a strong team when you return home.
I have been reading up on marriage and have discovered a path that both of us can take to move forward in a relationship that is both loving and passionate.
We can have a loving marriage that is everything we wished for and wanted on that day wenn we were standing there up Glastonbury tor.

We can and will make the marriage better then before, filled with love and excitement and where all of your needs are met.

Just know I will be there with open arms when you come back.

With all my love rob

I have changed the order a bit and took out a few negative sentences about the affair - it should be a love letter.

She will read it again and again - don't expect her to tell you that though.
You will only know that when she snaps out of the fog.

All you do will be pebbles in the water. They sink and are not seen again.
But under the surface, a heap is building.
If you keep throwing pebbles, the heap will eventually rise above the surface. Just keep going and do not be deterred if she does not come running back right away.

She did not fall out of love in a day and it will take time to come out of the fog as well.

Wish you all the best.

Happyheart

Thanks for that happy heart.First of all I thought it was just the bits in red and then read it through and realized I had to rewrite the email.Kept me occupied with my one finger typing.Very kind of you putting all that effort in for me.Never ceases to amaze me how people don't know me but they spend a lot of time on mb helping other people.Keeps me going.your a star.thanks.

Well I have emailed WW the letter.She starts a new caring job today near her friends house.I hope that's a good thing and may stop her seeing the OM so much.I wished I never shouted at her.I could be verbally abusive sometimes.But she would never listen,I would say things like don't leave things on the stairs or someone will trip up.but she still would.Maybe I was a bit dominating.I feel guilty.I was nice most of the time I guess.I guess when she thinks of me she may only think of my bad points.

Rob....one thing i am learning. She WILL only think of the bad points right now. This is how she absolves the guilt of the A. She deserves the A because you are such an ***hole.

This is the fog. You will go through this as long as the affair is going on. I am now plus 11 days....and I have heard it all. She posts things on her facebook about how much she deserves...and woman power....and not to let anyone else control your happiness. It is all just justification.

I know its hard. I am plus 11 days from sitting down and being told by my WW she had an OM.

It's a kick in the gut. It hurts. It;s as if someone died. It's up to us what we do with it. I chose Plan A even though my WW sleeps at his house because she is here so much for the kids.

But I did hire a PI to get me evidence. And I already have some. I am protecting myself and caring for myself and kids and TRYING to stay distracted....it doesn't always work.

Last night my WW told me she wishes I had more friends so I could go out and have fun too....lol....glad you are having fun babe.

You will feel resentment sometimes from things like that. SHe gets her cake and eat it too. Those kind of thoughts. Look at MY last two posts today. I get them...in spades. Instead of saying it to her. I say it here.

Our only course to do this...to win....is to take care of ourselves, improve on what WE were missing...and quietly show them.

Hi jim,we are about the same age 48.I hope it's the fog I really do.It is like someone died,unbelievable pain and anxiety.Not nice at all.I did read your thread jim and one thing occured to me is that your WW might well be reading every word you say as she knows you go on MB.Good luck with your plan A.Cheers rob

She may...i can't care. Radical honesty.

MY WW hasn't opened her email yet,so just sent it again.

I was chatting to WW friend tonight,the friend she stays at when she isn't with OM.WW wasn't there as she is with om.The friend told me how weird she thought it all was and didn't understand any of it either.She was very nice and seemed like she was on my side,which was quite nice.She thought WW had not been very nice to any of us.She said WW was going to get a place with om and would look after him.She said she doesn't know how she will hardly ever see DD.Or how she will keep her new caring job.I think WW is either very mentally ill or is that obbsessed with om.Either way I think the marriage is long gone in her head even though it will be only two months tommorow since we broke up.I have emailed WW plan A twice but hasn't opened it yet.I am not hopefull that even when om is dead she will want to come back.I don't think anyone will ever compare to him in her head.Feel at a bit of a loss now.I think this is more than fog.What can I do,i guess nothing really.