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Ok. I believed I mentioned this. I was fully made aware last weekend. Since then my wife left the next day to our country house with the kids. School is out now. The other woman is a teacher. So she is home now to i assume. Odds are not much will happen during the summer months. My wife is out of work as well for the summer. That is why the "catching" part will be more difficult. My plan as of now was in three weeks when two of my kids go to sleep away camp to contact the other woman. Tell her what was going on and go from there.
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CG, which of Dr. Harley's resources have you looked at?
The free video on infidelity?
The Q&A columns on the site about how to survive an affair?
The free Marriage Builders Radio show? (there's an app to listen on your phone)
Dr. Harley's book Surviving an Affair?
One of Dr. Harley's other books?
You want EXPERT advice from someone who has actually successfully helped many, many couples recover from an affair. Not just uneducated people's personal opinions.
So ... which resources are you using from the foremost expert in infidelity?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Prisca, you say that "if I can't move there is little that can be done". "Then you say there is plenty you can do, but are not willing". That is not true. Moving is not an option for many reason but especially the job that puts food on the table. Period! I am willing to do things. I am willing to get my wifes family involved. I am willing to tell the other wife. Yes. I am concerned with telling people that we know in common. And lets be understanding. The other woman may react poorly in this action of telling "their" friends. Objectively hurting her is not helping me and my wife.
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Prisca, you say that "if I can't move there is little that can be done". "Then you say there is plenty you can do, but are not willing". That is not true. Moving is not an option for many reason but especially the job that puts food on the table. Period! I am willing to do things. I am willing to get my wifes family involved. I am willing to tell the other wife. Yes. I am concerned with telling people that we know in common. And lets be understanding. The other woman may react poorly in this action of telling "their" friends. Objectively hurting her is not helping me and my wife. As long as you are not willing to move, this is hopeless. I agree you should expose the affair, but you should also file for divorce because your marriage is over. Sorry. You are already dealing with the result of not moving so it's not like you don't know the truth.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So please, right now. I am here for advice. Am I supposed to just play along and wait till more happens. Saying nothing. Going along with the summer, family plans and trying to play nice. Realistically I can't change what has already happend and im not excusing or accepting it. I am replaying all the lies in my head and its eating me up. And not helping me physically or emotionally. Stomach is nauseated, can't sleep. Heart racing.
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Moving is not an option for many reason but especially the job that puts food on the table. Period! I am willing to do things That's great! But if you are not willing to move, you are not willing to save your marriage. Nothing we tell you to do can overcome that because you are facing an on again, off again affair. But, you already know this! Proof is in the pudding.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So please, right now. I am here for advice. Am I supposed to just play along and wait till more happens. Saying nothing. Going along with the summer, family plans and trying to play nice. Realistically I can't change what has already happend and im not excusing or accepting it. I am replaying all the lies in my head and its eating me up. And not helping me physically or emotionally. Stomach is nauseated, can't sleep. Heart racing. Advice: 1. hire a PI and get the evidence 2. expose the affair 3. MOVE the hell away
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Its not about "willing". First off that takes two people. So maybe divorce is inevitable. And i would whole heartedly agree if he was not married to. I agree 1000%. His wife needs to know. But you guys say it does not matter?
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Move away alone. And from my job and kids?
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Move away alone. And from my job and kids? She didn't say that. She meant move the whole family away, as we've been advising you to do.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Ok. Hopefully there is someone with additional help. Repeatedly said in a perfect world that may happen, but she would have to agree to move from her family and uproot the kids. Kids would come first in her mind.
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Ok. Hopefully there is someone with additional help. Repeatedly said in a perfect world that may happen, but she would have to agree to move from her family and uproot the kids. Kids would come first in her mind. Exposure would help her to see the sense in this. She would see that neither the two of you or the kids could live in the same town where her affair partner lives.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Yes, it is. Are you a slave? If not, you are more than able to move your family away from its biggest threat: the OM. You are not willing. It's your choice. You don't HAVE to move, but your marriage very likely won't survive. She will hook up with OM again, somewhere down the road. It has already happened once, and it WILL happen again. Especially if you don't expose. Have you told your kids? You are headed for divorce. Your finances will be shot. You will see your kids part time. You have a chance to turn this around, but you are digging your heels in and refusing. Why? Do you just want to get the divorce? Because that's okay if you do.
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You say you want more advice, here it is. CG, which of Dr. Harley's resources have you looked at?
The free video on infidelity?
The Q&A columns on the site about how to survive an affair?
The free Marriage Builders Radio show? (there's an app to listen on your phone)
Dr. Harley's book Surviving an Affair?
One of Dr. Harley's other books?
You want EXPERT advice from someone who has actually successfully helped many, many couples recover from an affair. Not just uneducated people's personal opinions.
So ... which resources are you using from the foremost expert in infidelity?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Its not about "willing". First off that takes two people. So maybe divorce is inevitable. And i would whole heartedly agree if he was not married to. I agree 1000%. His wife needs to know. But you guys say it does not matter? It matters very much that you expose affair. But nothing we tell you to do will save your marriage since you won't move.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok. Hopefully there is someone with additional help. Repeatedly said in a perfect world that may happen, but she would have to agree to move from her family and uproot the kids. Kids would come first in her mind. There is no additional help that will save your marriage if you won't move. We have given the correct advice.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Move away alone. And from my job and kids? No, you persuade your wife to move. Get a job in another town and move.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok. Hopefully there is someone with additional help. Repeatedly said in a perfect world that may happen, but she would have to agree to move from her family and uproot the kids. Kids would come first in her mind. The kids are not coming first right now if she is having an affair. It is in the kids best interest for you to move away and for their parents to have an intact family. Staying there and risking your marriage puts their security at risk..
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok. Thank you for the advice. Like mentioned it will be a bit difficult now to fully act with the summer here. I wish it could be done asap. Like pulling off a band aid. I will seek a PI and gather all the evidence possible. Then expose him to the wife. Then tell my wife's family. Maybe less painful for someone else to do the snooping. Hope so anyway.
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Ok. Thank you for the advice. Like mentioned it will be a bit difficult now to fully act with the summer here. I wish it could be done asap. Like pulling off a band aid. I will seek a PI and gather all the evidence possible. Then expose him to the wife. Then tell my wife's family. Maybe less painful for someone else to do the snooping. Hope so anyway. Good man! I would read the exposure thread and expose exactly as instructed. Half measures will avail you nothing. If you expose it broadly, you are more likely to kill it. But nothing will never kill it if you don't move away because she will be perpetually triggered. I take it you never warned this man's wife in the past?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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