It has been a tough couple of days. Wednesday night my H called to yell at me because I guess my mom drove be his new apartment and he saw her. I had no idea that she was doing that and he called my cell phone while I was at some friends' house watching a movie. After I told him I had no ides how she even knew where he moved to, he told me that he has decided to file for D now. I am in Plan B and this is only week three and he wants out. It does not appear to be working. He obviously did not pay attention to my Plan B letter stating that he was to go through a third party to talk to me. <P>I know that the OW goes to his apartment every night after work because her H drives by to see if her car is there. I asked H if she was there while he was yelling at me on the phone and he said she was not. One of my friends drove over there and her car was there. He said that the D is his idea and that he and OW have not even discussed us getting a D. RIGHT, am I supposed to believe that. Her D will be final 7/27 and I am sure she wants to know why we have not filed if she did her part for them to be together. <P>I guess all I can do now is stay in Plan B and wait for the papers to come. I don't think there is any stopping it now.<P>Any advise or words of comfort would be appreciated?

SF,<P>Don't believe your H when he tells you that he has not discussed the D with the OW. Of course he has! Does he think that you are that naive to assume that he reached this conclusion without a lot of heavy pushing/manipulation on the OW's part? I doubt it.<P>Hon, I'm sorry. So sorry. I was in that same place once. I just continued to do the Plan B. I went on with my life. I began to think in terms of living the rest of my life alone and turning my life in another direction. I had to, H left me no other choice. My only advise to you is to realize that there is nothing that you did wrong here. There is nothing you can do until/unless your H comes out of the Fog, except what you are already doing. Detach ... with love.<P>hugs and prayers,<P>belld

<<"I am sure she wants to know why we have not filed if she did her part for them to be together. ">><P>You are very perceptive and I wuld bet right on the money too. But what can you do? In most states you cannot stop the D, but you might want to talk to a lawyer to see if in your state he can get D without your approval. In either event you need legal advice now, fast.<P>I am so sorry, you must be crushed. It's not unheard of even at this point for things to still fall apart, until the day you are forced to sign the D or are ready to accept it you can always hold that hope alive.<P>Right now try to work on releasing your feelings instead of bottling them and festering them in any way you can. Individual counseling, meditation, excersise, a journal, posting, anything and everything. If you haven't read it yet an absolutely wonderful book to read is "How to get what you want and want what you have" by John Gray. I recommend it to everyone... I should get a commission, but it really changed my life.<P><BR>You are going to be ok, one minute at a time if need be for a while but are going to be ok, you are not alone. Here is a heartfelt cyber hug for you<P> {{{{{{{{{{SinkingFast}}}}}}}}}}}}} <P><BR>

Thank you both so much for your responses. Are there success stories out there when the WS files for D?

Yes, I've seen them.. will try to remember names. Hopefully one will jump on this. If not might want to make it a new thread.<P>

Just hang in there, only time will tell if he actually files for the divorce. <P>It sounds to me like his calling you was his way to test if you were serious about the no-contact part of your Plan B letter. Since you did speak to him he probably feels like the entire thing was just a tantrum on your part. My humble suggestion is that the next time he calls don't answer the phone. If you pick up the phone without knowing it's him, then just respond...<P>"Please honor my desire to not speak to you. If you have something to say please send me a letter or email. I am going to hang up now. Bye and have a wonderful day." .or something like that. Say it as nicely as you can.<P>Come up with your pat response and practice it in front of a mirror, on the phone with no one on the other end of the line, practice it until it is an automatic response to his voice.<P>He is not taking you seriously. Even if he does file for divorce, it is not final until it is signed. And believe me there are way to stall a divorce. Just ask your attorney. <P>That will give him time to experience the wonders of having the OW fill ALL of his emotional needs. It is in that period of time when things will fall apart for them if they are going to. <P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare