OK i came in here this morning and began to read the posts and the topic ofthe day seems to be the other person and How to make them FEEL BETTER!! What is that about. I am sorry and have nothing again any particlular OP, just the OP in general. Why DO i have to validate your feelings and stroke you ego and try to make you feel better about your life choices. Why do I need to agree with what you say and feel sympathy for you?? Why aer you expecting me to read your story and feel sympathy for you , to turn the other cheek to make you <BR> smile on your bad days?? I am the Betrayed Spouse, I am the one that has to worry if i am going to get a STD, and worry about if our kids can see my pain, I am the one that gets a trigger pulled bye driving past a place and having a flash back of a memory, I am the one WORKING my butt off to keep OUR family togather, I am the one who has to supress the dark thoughts and let the light in DAILY, I am the one who gets to wonder what I did wrong, and why I was not enough. I was the one WHO KEPT THE promise WE made before GOD. SO I ask one more time. You OP do not think of that in your selfish ploy to still get the MP. In your eyes it is what they tell you to be the gospel truth in their life, when in most realities it is way of base. <BR> OK the reason I WILL read the stories and Feel for your pain, is because I am A CHRISTIAN woman><BR> Please again this is not directed to ANYONE in particluar and the I and you statements aer better than using a Blank. I, MAINE, do not like to see anyone HURT, the OP MM MW BS noone, But I will not be able to make anyones heart and head feel right, only you can heal and help yourself!! <BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>In even the darkest of places there is a capacity to love

Good vent. I feel very much the same. I love nothing better than to see a TRULY repentant WS or OP come here and I welcome them with open arms. But when an OP comers here and stats with "I really am sorry" and then the next sentence is something like "He went back to his wife, but only for the kids..." I seriously question their motives for being here. It seems to be more to twist the knife in the BS than anything else, all under the guise of getting help. Personally I thought it would only be fair for me to care as much about our xOW's pain as she cared about mine. Which would be not at all (and she made sure I knew that).

Ditto your vent! That felt good didn't it? <P>

You go Maine.<P>There have been several OP's (OW actually) on this board recently who are here not only to validate their position in the affair but to actually blast the BS. That is what I think people are reacting to. <P>Like you, I believe in redemption and therefore will offer my hand, cyber or otherwise, to anyone who is seeking to do the right thing. But .......<P>No one on this board deserved that.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Maine -<BR>My heart goes out to you - and I am in the exact same position after the big A! The anger triggers, working hard on the job and to keep a so-to-speak normal home life; mine is off and on rage and I am trying so hard to not focus on the A details.....<P>You are not alone and we just have to try to keep it together.<P>

FD AMEN hon, Thanks for understanding my vent. NOone escapes ta A unscathed, but COMEON, I didnot ask to have my world rocked and then have to make the OW feel good about it, or H even. The OW in this life had the nerve to email me and tell me she did it to HELP my marriage. What a crock.!!! Again i am blessed that my H did not have an EA and PA at the same time, itisnot the PA that keeps it going itis the emotional part in my opinion.<BR> Scared Yes hon it felt SOOOOOOO good!!!!!!!! <P> Zorweb as always your words are wonderful. I did not see the HF p[ost, but i was reading a few of the others, andfelt like UGH. Look i know that I emotionally sytarved my H and he strayed and WE are working on being great again, and the ONLY ones who truly will know what we are doing is US. I know what it willtake to make it work, i know that i am fullfilling His needs as he is mine, and well , dang it just irked me allthe posts LOL. I tend to speak my mind lol<BR> Alexa, thank you for your post but i think i need to explain. I am in recovery and h and I are doing really well. My post was out of anger for all the recent posts from the OW needed to be vaclidated for there hurt at not having MM anymore. I do all the things i posted because i need to and will do to heal. I agree we all need to stick together but promote healing not anger. I was actually just curious if the OP realized the mental stress me BS go through, or do they really think that it is a cake walk for us. H and I are doing really well, NO ow contact, HUGE Lovebank deposits, MEGA emotional needs being met, I have no complaint, AS for triggers , yes i am finding i have them but i am wirking through them again i prefer to use my energy to love mu husband not hate the nightmare he slept with!!<BR>wow scared and Zorweb, was that venting # 2 LMAO<BR> Today is a great day and tommorrow is our 9th aniversary, and we will have many more lol<BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>In even the darkest of places there is a capacity to love

ANd i am an English major, wow i need to SPELLCHECK !!!!!!!!!!! Lord help me!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>maine<P>------------------<BR>In even the darkest of places there is a capacity to love

Hi Mainemade:<P>This is my first post to you and let me welcome you to MB.<BR>Jo asked us to take care of you and we'll try. Give her a big hug for us will you?<P>You know this is not the first time we've had OP on this board trying to get us to validate them (HF) but this is one of the first times we've been slapped in the face for trying to help. My first reaction was one of anger and I responded in kind but I regret that now because I know this OW is just in pain...and no matter who it is...pain still feels the same...regardless of the cause. We all know how <BR>think the fog can be...and how hard to step away from it it is. I was entirely supportive of HF and her efforts and I think we should have overlooked her tirade and just waited until she was more reasonable. I really think she has a lot of growing up to do...and she's just beginning to learn.<BR>If she comes back I'll be here for her...but I'll never condone when she abuses the right to be here.<P>Yes, we do have to deal with a lot as BS...most of the OP will never know how that feels...because they are usually on the getting in of the triangle...but just remember all things come around and their turn is comming (HF is a good example). It won't be anywhere near the same experience but it will hurt if they cared at all. <P>I've been at this a long time...and it still hurts...and occasionally the thought will cross my mind that WH chose this OW above me and that if things had worked out that is where he would be...what does that say for 25 years of marriage...not a lot...fog or not. But I trudge on...casting those thoughts away from me...because I know that there is no other way for me...I must forgive and go on...for all the good years in my life and marriage...I can't let one mistake color the rest of my life...and neither should you...don't you think?<P>Faye<P>

Faye thank you for your words. Jonis a sweety and i am blessed tohave her in my life and call her friend. I will hug her for you. You have a great Day.<BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>In even the darkest of places there is a capacity to love

Dear Mainemade,<P>Good vent!!!! Welcome to MB. Heard of your arrival and thanks for your support. Hope some of us can be of support to you when needed. <P>Some of 'us' need a good swift kick in the pants periodically. Being lost in our own personal issues makes us lose focus. That OW on the loose post was evidence of that fact but even some of us BS's can go a bit haywire sometime. Given the amount of pressure we all face it is understandable and that is why this forum here is so good. <P>My H (who is attempting recovery - I think that status should have it's own category), showed his anger or jealousy about my coming to MB so much. I don't do it while he is around - but he still knows I post here. Today he said he feels that everyone 'knows his business'. I said, "yep and now they even know mine because I needed support from my H, didn't get it so I found someplace that helped me. I worked and used what I could get to help me survive. If you, H will be my support, then I will not have to go outside our marriage." Like H did. Hm..... I am not having an A with MB but the WS tends to feel that way. Oh, they are a bit sensitive aren't they?<P>Anyway, venting here is acceptable. Even the HF OW that posted was allowed to vent. Though what needs to be also accepted is the responses. If we can dish it out, then we need to be able to take it. I definitely had my share of dishing it out and taking it. That is ok, because in the long one, I will benefit from seeing things as they truly are and not be in denial. If some of the statements are really off the wall or don't apply to me, there is no need to be offended, just step over it and get over it is my motto. <P>Just wanted to welcome you and say thanks for your support. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P><BR>

Maine....<P>Hi, Keep coming back here 'cause it's a good vent thread.<P><BR>Orchid... <BR>Did you see taht HF posted before she deleted it? I don't think people are responding to the fact that she vented but how she did it.<P>Was just wondering. <P>Z

WOOOHHOOOOOOO

LOL, just had to laugh at the poster's name "1FuctMarriage".....great handle, but not great in the emotional sense!! U KNOW WHAT I MEAN DARNIT!!

Z,<P>I saw it before it was deleted. She was angry & a bit tipsy (to put it mildly). She could be related to the OW on this side of the country but HF is probably nicer. You wouldn't want the OW I am dealing with to post here. <P>H used to say his OW was a sensative person. About as sensative as a tank!!! She can swear better than an ol' cowboy. <P>Anyway, HF wanted a bit of validation. She also needs help and her country does not have all the ammentities or options we have. The fact that some thought she was from here should really be viewed as a compliment by her since the different country distinction was not a constant issue. An A is an A no matter where it happens. In some ways I do feel sorry for her with limitations and all however, I do not condone her lifestyle nor her reasons to continue any A. <P>But you know what? I don't think she really does either. I think she really does not like the person she has become. Now she chooses to deal with this by herself. She does have a temper and has let that get the best of her. Making and breaking relationships all along the way. Sometimes those kinds of people grow old and lonely. How sad. <P>I hope she does get help before it is too late. I actually hope the OW in our case gets mental help also, she is one confusing 'lady' (OW says she is a lady and I am not). Go figure. <P>Hey my generousity can only go so far for OWs still in the making. I know she needs help, but will not be the one to foot the bill or get it for her. That is OW's H's job. <P>I don't support their choices in life and do not want to associate with them nor associate with anyone who chooses to associate with the OW. That is what I told my H. <P>Hey, Z when you get a chance can you e-mail me? I have a question for you. I am in the JFO listing. <P>L.

Hey Orchid:<P>If my WH's OW came here you won't be able to read her posts because it would be so full of *******'s. That woman cusses like a sailor (pardon me for the comparison sailors).<BR>My WH also says she is sensitive (like a brick wall maybe!!!!)....fog. fog, fog.......<P><BR>Faye

Orchid--- this helped me so much---<P>"Today he said he feels that everyone 'knows his business'. I said, "yep and now they even know mine because I needed support from my H, didn't get it so I found someplace that helped me. I worked and used what I could get to help me survive"<P>I struggle with guilt over sharing but HOW COULD ANYONE KEEP THIS ALL IN.<P>I am not overly bothered by OW posting---I don't tend to want to read their posts cause I don't care about their pain. Some choices lead to pain. I love hearing from WS and how they feel cause I do not understand how anyone could hurt another like this. It helps me get perspective.