H has court AGAIN tomorrow. I know he's going to lose again. Refusal to pay attorney fees and is being sued. What could he possibly thinking? Nobody could do these stupid things and get away with it. <P>I just can't understand, WHY? He has chosen his path to self-destruct and OW is helping him go down. I know he's getting sicker with his chronic illness, stress makes it worse. H looked really bad, when I saw him in court last Tuesday. <P>H could have had a better life. H had expectations when he was with me. With OW he has none and no longer cares, anything goes. His attitude is detestable. Sad, he is headed straight for ruin. I guess than OW can than go to her next victim. Of course I also know this is his choice.<P>It just makes me sad to watch this, and I can't comprehend. <P>

Maybe all you need to do is learn to accept the fact that you will never understand. Just a thought.<P>But it sure is awful to see someone you love on the road to self destruction. Just be assured that you have done all you could do to help him. He is now beyond your abilities. He can only find help within himself.<P>Karen<BR>

I wonder if he's punishing himself? Just a thought I suddenly had....<P>Whatever reason he has for doing this, I agree with Topie - only he can get himself out of it. He has refused to accept help from anyone, unfortunately. Just keep praying for him - I think that's all you can do now.<P>(((((((hurtwife)))))))<BR>Paint.

Topie25:<P>I guess that's just easier said than done for me. I probably will never understand. <P>You are right it's hard to stand by and watch, but it is beyond me. H will have to suffer the consequences. Maybe someday he will realize. God only knows.<P>Thanks and take care.<P><BR>

HW,<P>I want to give you a gentle nudge here. It's time you start looking to take care of yourself. He's put you through hell. Let the thoughts of the depth's he is slipping to pass. You cannot do anything about it. I'm just worried about you. <P>Please take care of yourself. You have to be there, for you in these days. That's what Plan A and B are really about. <P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Dear HW, <P>I concur with Zorweb. Here is a perscription for you, it was given to my earlier and really helped. Take you right hand and put it on your left shoulder, place your left hand on your right shoulder and squeeze both shoulders at the same time. There, that is a hug from us to you. <P>You need to now focus on you. It is painful to watch someone you love deliberately ruin themselves. You can either look away or watch. But there is nothing you can really do until he is willing to accept your help. Is there anyone you know that can talk to him? That may be an option. More than likely you are not that person for him now by his choice. <P>Don't let that choice of his hurt you. One day he will know and say that you did not do this to him and you will both see reality together. We will wait with you for that day. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Paintbox:<P>You may be right, I just don't know anymore. I get the impression H is too self-centered, selfish to be punishing himself. Appears H is more out to punish me. I appreciate your thoughts. <P>H has nobody to go to for help as I see. His family have never been very support. I'm sure they have told him they disagree with his actions. But, they would prefer to talk about the weather and usually do. They stay to themselves. H didn't really have friends, only one that he doesn't associate with any longer. H never talked to anyone about his personal problems much, just me, I guess it's the macho thing. <P>I agree also that he is the only one that can get himself out. Although he just keeps digging deeper. Maybe he thinks there is NO way out, so he's sticking with it. The man HATES to be alone, so this maybe why he is hanging on. I really don't see how he stands it. From what I've seen of OW, he'd be much better off ALONE. <P>God is his only hope, and H had even told me, after he left "there is no God".<P>Take care and May God Bless.<BR>

HW:<P>He is in his fog, and while there, there is nothing you can do. But you do need to take care of YOU.<P>Godspeed and good luck,<BR>STL

zorweb:<P>Thank you for your response and concern. I know your right, I need to get myself together. I just feel so overwhelmed with all of this....it's hard to comprehend that H can be so dreadfully hateful towards me. The H*LL he has and is putting me through is unreal. Hard for me to believe someone could do this to another person....much less his wife.<P>Even though H has turned so nasty, the memories and footprints he made upon my heart remain. <P>I'm grateful for your gentle nudge. <P>Didn't know if you read my reply to your post "Having a SAD time" <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009849.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009849.html</A> <P>Thank you so much...May God Bless<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Hurtwife (edited June 27, 2001).]