H left me a message today. Says he needs to get some stuff from the house at some point before next week but doesn't say when or anything.<P>Then he mentions that he'd like to start up an email game with me if I am interested. I can just pretend it's not him on the other end he says.<P>OW does not like games I don't think and this is one thing my H and I used to do all the time together. <P>I am in plan B. I want to do this and I think it would deposit some love units. However, it also SORT OF goes against plan B because I would start meeting some of his EN's.<P>I think I should say no, but not sure. And how do I say it nicely?<P>Oh yeah, and he mentioned he MIGHT see the kids this weekend. My god, if he cancels on them I will flip. I will pull a Cali. he he.

To do a better plan B, you know that you should not agree to the email game, unless things are over with the OW, and he's in the mindset of reconciliation (IMO).<P>I don't know what your plan B letter said, but perhaps there is something in there that would help you to answer? If your point was made to him clearly, that no contact (except in issues regarding the kids), is imperitive at this time, then you would be a far stronger person to him to show him that you really mean it. <P>You sound as though you would really like to do this game thing, but if you do, you're giving him a little bit of the best of both worlds scenerio. From my understanding of plan B, you can't do that, if you want it to work. <P>Perhaps you should just tell him that although you would LIKE to, it is just not possible at this time, and then ask him to re-read his plan B letter, or offer another copy to him.<P>How about this... it goes against plan B, but... let's say he does show up to spend some time with the kids. Perhaps once they are in bed for the night (assuming they are young enough to have a bedtime), then maybe you could ask him if he would like to stay afterwards so that you and him could have a game of something? To me, that would be giving him just a little taste of what things could and should be like. Then just leave it at that. I would think, that if this is something you and him did all the time together before, that he would miss it, and may end up coming over more frequently. It just might be a good start to help him in the fog lifting.<P>Obviously, it's up to you. Do what you think is best for YOU.<P>Karen

Plan B is Plan B, if you break it, this will be your 2nd time breaking it, he is not going to take anything you say seriously from then on. It will be a case of "Oh, I'll give her a few days/weeks to calm down, she will come around again". That is the reason this site states to be SURE you are POSITIVE b4 going into Plan B. As far as him taking the kids, i would ask his mother to re-iterate to him that you have already told the children to expect to be with there father this weekend. Or send him the Plan B letter via email and at the end point out the children's expectation to see their father this weekend, not a MIGHT.

Topie - I couldn't face him like that and if I was in plan A, I would say definately about setting up a game, but not in plan B. <P>Trying - yeah. I would really enjoy doing this, it would be alot of fun, I just wasn't sure if it would jeopardize plan B or not.<P>Sounds like it probably will. Darn. I really miss my H... How does this voicemail reply sound?<P>"I would love to play <email game> with you, I miss doing that stuff alot, but I just can't. Not the way things are right now between us. Have you given any more thought to my letter? I miss you."

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hurtbyhubby:<BR><B> However, it also SORT OF goes against plan B because I would start meeting some of his EN's.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>SORT OF? SORT OF???????????????<P>No SORT OF about it!! Ditto Topie and trying - don't you DARE!!!<P>Further, don't respond to his question at all. At most, send him an e-mail telling him how you will let him get his stuff, if he tells you when he wants it. Remind him that you won't be there. <P>Also, no MIGHT about seeing the kids - either schedule it or don't - you need enough warning to make your plans.<P>WAT<BR>

<smirk>. Okay I guess you caught me. Thanks for the kick in the butt.<P>Somehow, somewhere I was thinking. Hey, if it's an email game that doesn't really count, because I can email him in plan B, right? I know, I know. Just wishful thinking.<P>Unfortunately, I can't email him yet. He has been quite lazy at setting up his computer. I assume if I said yes to the email game it would make him get off his butt quicker and actually set it up, but as of today I can't do it. So, guess I'm stuck with a voicemail message.<P>WAT (and others), Did you think my reply sounded okay?<P>As of right now I have no way of getting around him bringing the kids home to me on Saturday night (assuming he still takes them - I'll talk to MIL today and try to make something definate), so I thought I would just hand him the books then or let him go grab them (I don't think he knows for sure what he needs). He doesn't have keys to the house and I don't really want him to break in again, so I'm hesitant on telling him to come by when I'm not home. Things may "disappear" again...<P>Plan B sucks. Especially with kids.<P>Thanks for the ideas and kick in the butt.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hurtbyhubby:<BR><B>"I would love to play <email game> with you, I miss doing that stuff alot, but I just can't. Not the way things are right now between us. Have you given any more thought to my letter? I miss you."</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Take out the "I miss you" part at the end, and I guess it's doable. But I do like WAT's idea, and not to answer the game question at all. <BR>

The Plan B Email Game<P>WS: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah<BR>(Insert any and all of the following WS excuse lines from below) <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009989.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009989.html</A> <BR>blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah<P>BS:<P>End of game.<P>No contact means exactly that, no contact (although I know it isn't easy).<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

We understand you miss your H, but this is not the man you married, sure your real H may peek his head out every now and then, but not enough for your M to work. Honestly, i don't think your reply was a good idea. You really have to decide what Plan B means to you. You know he received your letter and has read it, if he was going to take what you said in your letter seriously he would be making changes for the better, not asking for GAMES or waffling on when he will spend time w/his kids. You broke the Plan B again by ending your response w/a question "Have you given any more thought to my letter" , by doing that you are starting a dialogue, not a Plan B.

You're right, what was I thinking. I start getting all mixed up with "it's okay to leave voicemails and emails and talking about kids, but not other stuff, and blah, blah - one confused person on what I can/can't do."<P>Thanks for the reality check. Luckily I have done nothing yet, so I am still okay.<P>How about this. I have MIL call him, let her deal with finalizing plans with the kids on Saturday and try to find out what he needs so I can leave it out for him on whatever day/time. And have her ask him to re-read the letter.<P>Okay. That should work, I think. My only other problem is dealing with him when he brings the kids back on Saturday since I can't seem to find a way out of seeing him then.

HBH - I really understand how hard it is - I'm still overcoming my reluctance to implement Plan B because I know it'll be hard and I'm so unsure of my wife's reaction. It's hard to get out of the Plan A mode after so long.<P>But once I do it, I will be committed to doing it correctly, and so should you - especially you because of your first try at it that didn't work so well.<P>Please don't respond directly to the game offer. He's testing you, maybe. If it were me, I'd not respond to anything except to communicate how you will accomodate his desire to get his stuff and make arrangements for handing off the kids. When my wife does this, I'll ask her what she wants (via e-mail) and tell her it'll be outside the house waiting for her. She will not be allowed inside.<P>WAT

Yeah. The hardest part is when they appear to be coming out of the fog. My H has no one he can really talk to. No friends, not OW, just me. It's hard to blow him off and say "NO" we can't talk and make him realize why without seeming mean and cruel. AND WHEN YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY TALK TO HIM BECAUSE YOU ARE IN PLAN B. That's what happened to me last time and I caved because of it.<P>He doesn't seem to "get" the plan B letter (on purpose?). He thinks if I am not there for him or I don't want to do things with him or I don't want to talk with him it is because I don't want him anymore and I am just trying to get "back at him" and be mean. He also starts to hate himself even more and starts thinking this is the best thing for me (my H has major self-esteem/depression problems), he has been trying to make me hate him and leave him (off/on during down times) for years. <P>I don't know. I just get worried that I am missing my opportunity to help him out of the fog by not being there for him...<P>I guess plan B is working though, right? It is kinda odd that he would leave me a voicemail like that. Must have been thinking of me at least a little bit...<P>I am not going to break plan B again. I promise. I just thought I may have been able to sneak this in, but you guys showed me the err in my ways. THANKS!