If anyone has time, please read my post "Miracles never cease" on the divorcing board. <P>My H's affair was exposed 3 weeks ago and he has made no attempt to move away from other woman. He says he wants to think but I can't see how being in the same house with her will allow him to think clearly.<P>I need to move to Plan B but it is so hard because we still get along so well( as long as I don't LB or say anything about relationship)<P>I have approx 3000 sq foot house( 27 years old so much maintainance is required) and 4 acres of yard ( all grass, no woods, etc) I also have 2 small children 5 & 10 and I work full time, am active in the children's choirs at Church and my son plays baseball, D plays basketball. I'm not trying to say that I am any busier than anyone else. In fact I know I am truly blessed to have a good job, healthy children and a comfortable(not rich) lifestyle. <BR>I just hope that explains some of my urgency with my marital situation. I am afraid that I will lose everything because I can't take care of things. The only way I see to make it is to get a smaller place with less expenses and easier maintainence or for my H to share with some of the work. I simply cannot afford to hire a lawn service or house cleaning service.<P>Anyway, please let me know what you think of my post. Thanks again.<P>PP

Hi, <P>You are saying that the OW is in your home? Can she leave? Are you familar with the marriage builder's basic concepts? I can send you the welcome package so that you can see how to best utilize the information and tools available here. <P>You did not mention the letter. Have you already written it? Sorry for all the questions, just wanted to be able to help. <P>You sound like a giving person. That has its advantages and disadvantages in these kinds of situations. <P>Take care and please post back. <P>L.

The letter is included in the "miracles never cease" thread on the D/D board. My computer at home is slack and doesn't like to have mulitple windows open so copying was not possible. I can do so from work today. In the meantime, bounce over to D/D and let me know what you think.<P>Gotta go, the cat is harassing the turtles!!!!!<P>PP

just bumping this up in case anyone here has any helpful words for me. Also see my camp or not to camp post on D/D<P>Thanks

Dear PP,<BR>I went and read your letter. You are a very good writer. I don't know your whole story, but from the letter I assumed that you and your H have been separated for 5 months? Has the A been going on the whole time? I noticed that you said you'd only found out about the A 3 weeks ago? I am the BS. My H moved out on 3/17/01. On 3/29/01 I found that he'd been calling someone. I assumed right away that it was an A. Of course he lied and said it was just a friend. For another month he had me believing that they were friends. On 5/6/01, I confronted them at OW's house. They were in bed (I didn't see them, but the lights were all out and I pounded on the door until the OW BITC* came downstairs). My H went from wanting a divorce to asking me to be patient, to telling me he was "leaning toward coming home." I heard it all. I gave him Plan B letter on 7/3. He called me on 7/5 and told me he loved me and wanted to come home. I believe him. I let him come home on 7/6. It's been a REALLY rotten time since then. He had told me it was over with OW more than once, but I kept catching him (first, via his apartment phone voicemail, then figured out his cell phone voicemail password). I kept wanting him OUT until he decided, but did not want to do that to our kids (we have 3). I think that according to the Harley's if you have Plan A'd and now you are in danger of losing what love you have left for your H, that you need to seriously Plan B. You letter sounded more like you were ready to move on to a divorce if he didn't leave OW's house right now. If that is what you truly want, then the letter was fine. But, if you really still feel that you want to work on recovering your marriage, the letter wasn't fine. With the Plan B letter, you lovingly tell the WS that you need to let them go for now. You tell them that while you still have love for them, for you to continuing communicating with them and seeing them while the A is still going on, you run the risk of losing all love for them and never being able to rebuild the marriage. Plan B is for YOU first, but also for the WS to have time to really see what life is going to be like without YOU in the picture. I know you have small children and your H should see them, but that's where you get a friend to help you. If you are in danger of losing all love for your H, then it's time for a true Plan B. The best advice that anyone's ever given me is not to make too hasty of a decision concerning divorce. You can begin to move on without getting the divorce. The ultimatum you gave in the letter plays right into OW's hands. Does this make sense? I hope I've helped some. I wish you all the best and will say a prayer for you and your family.