This is a long story, but I will try to shorten it. Oct 1997 my husband has an affair. A month long, full of talking and one sexual encounter. The next day he tell me. Marriage counseling comes next. Dec 1998 he tells me he doesn't love me and he moves out. A month later he is back. Life gets better and we move on (sort of). Oct 2000 I find out they are talking again. I confront him and he says it will stop and he loves me. Dec 2000 I find out from her live-in that he heard a voice mail my husband left her after I confronted him and that they are still communicating via cell phone. I confront him and he admits it. He says it's because she is having a hard time and only he knows what she is going through. He says it is really truly over. April 2001 he asks me to marry him. Now he treats me better than he ever has before and he is constantly hugging me, kissing me, and saying he loves me, but I can't help but not trust him and wonder why I was lied to so much. I don't know if I should give this marriage up or not. A couple of footnotes: I found out the reason he came back is because she refused to leave her live-in for her. Although my husband and her had sex the very same night she was asked to make a decision. He told her he still loved her back in Oct of 2000. She told me this and he admits it, but he insists he loves her as a friend. He is a deputy and she is a jailer and they work for the same county. All of our kids go to the same school and two of hers and two of ours are in the same classes. This is a small community. I just don't know if I can trust him. Advice? Please. Give up or keep going? We have been married for twelve years with three children.

keep going, though you need a new trail.<P>I am from divorced parents and I do not want my kids to go through what I had to endure, and my parents had a pretty quiet D. Please do not look at your situation from a selfish attitude, what works best for me, that is how A's happen and it plagues our globe. <P>You and H need to talk, not about the past, but your future. It sounds as if a move would be right up your alley, contact ruins recovery. A's blurr a persons mind and when H talks w/ OW her sees her needs but has to forget yours.<P>((((hugs))))<BR>knight

Stick with it, it CAN get better. I am one of those MB success stories.<P>Why don't you look over on WAT's thread of 9/4 for some divorce statistics I put there earlier today. Divorce just creates a new set of problems, especially for the kids.<P>Keep coming here, there are lots of reasons to stay and try to work it out. <P>Best of luck,<BR>B<P><BR>

BTW, if you need reasons to stay and work it out, check out this thread:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010136.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010136.html</A> <BR>Good Luck!<BR>B<P><BR>

I want to thank all three of you for responding to me. I am going to check out some other stories to see how other people are coping with the big A.<P>Just to respond a little bit more. I do have an opportunity for a position in another state and my H is all for it, but what if I don't get this position. Even if I do move will I ever trust him again? I don't know.<P>Thank you once again for the encouragement.