I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain with your W's admission to more than you expected. But from what I last read, you seem to be handling things well.<P>Why a thank you? Because after reading only the header of your long thread, it made me realize all the more that I wanted to get any and all pain cards on the table with my H. <P>We had a tough week last week. I approached him with more radical honesty, and thankfully, he responded in same. Most importantly, it seems that everything I know, is all there is.<P>Our recovery timelines are quite close (H came home in the end of May), and it seems like we're at equal levels of sharing and honesty. It's still hard when the truths come out, isn't it?<P>With my H, I've noticed him telling the truth on everything. It's amazing the lies he told! (well, maybe not so amazing after learning from on here). So it's a kind of catch 22 going on. Him being open and totally honest with me now is wonderful! But by him doing so, he's admitting to many of the lies he told in the past. And that ends up being an LB to me (sigh!).<P>Anyways, the point of this thread is to thank you for (inadvertantly) reminding me how important it is to get all of the truths out a.s.a.p. so that minimal hurt can be experienced later on.<P>Karen<BR>

Hi Karen,<P>This is my (inadvertant) your welcome. <P>I know exactly what you mean. I read Beuatiful's thread in <BR>Recovery, and she was the WS until recently, her husband started to have an A with a woman he met. It was a revenge A, and I have been having thoughts of having an reveng A myself. I wasn't trying to make light of her situation, but I had to thank her because she opened my eyes to what it would be like for my W to experience that. I never planed on doing it, but she gave me more reason not to. <P>I had a very long talk to KS the other day about getting the whole truth out once and for all. I don't want to go through this again, and I was afraid she might have been holding something else back, like something more recent or who knows. I just had to know everything. She assured me there was nothing left to hide, and she said she was finally relieved that there wasn't that constant weight and guilt hanging on her.<P>That was one of the reasons I wanted her to tell all. I needed to know everything but I also know she became very depressed over the years holding all of it in. I don't want it to affect her through her life, and that does affect her and our marriage if she kept something like that from me. I remember many talks over the years where I asked her what was wrong with her, and she would tell me she felt like she was worthless and no good. I honestly believe these As and lies were the reason, and I don't want those problems in the future. I want her to be happy with herself, and in turn we can be happy in our marriage. <P>I am glad my story helped you. That is what is so great about this BB, we can all learn from each other. I don't know what I would be doing without having this place to come for advice, and to learn from others.