ok h has been back home for 4 wks now the only thing is i believe he is still seeing ow (they work together)and also he has her believing he is currently staying with his aunt.he claims he is gonna tell her he came back home but hasn't done so yet b/c he doesn't want her to think he was planning that all along (while he lived w her for 8mo)he has her believing he is at his aunt's to be closer to our daughter.he works late a lot and i have thoughts that they are together.we are currently suppose to be working on being "friends" and if that doesn't work he said we will end things.he claims if things don't work out btwn us he would probably be with her b/c they didn't end things b/c of anything bad.(we had our bouts b/c of his infidelity issues)he says he doesn't know what to do to reassure me as they do work together.i mentioned no contact ltr (he said that was stupid) i mentioned telling her that he is trying to be friends with me and he said i am gonna tell her im living w you what else is there what should i do i mean i do not want to be hurt by him again i was like u just seem like your destined to make things not work and he said that is not true or why would he have come back that i can't figure out. i told him he should consider being with her and he said why don't u wanna work on being friends? i just don't see how we could be friends if he is still with her and telling stories to both of us? it just doesn't make any sense and i am hurt and confused i was trying to plan a but feeling like its a lost cause.he also said if things don't work out btwn us and they get back together he would consider moving back in w/her.(what is that) and he would want to introduce our daughter to her if they do get back together which i am totally against.their affair has been going on for 1 yr and i just don't believe they are not together pls help i am so out of it

Hello leftalone--<P>Take a deep breath. This is so hard...I remember the total devastation that I felt a short six months ago. This will not go away over night and it will not be solved in a couple of months. It's a long haul road trip.<P>First things first. YOU! Take focus off H, except to meet his needs as best you can. Think back early in your relationship and do those things. Don't think about what he's doing or not doing...the time will come for that. <P>Do things for you. Figure your place in all this. Read. Pray. Post. Consider. Think. Ponder. Relax. Refresh. Renew. <P>I got a tattoo. A Chinese character that means "Crisis as Opportunity." This became my opportunity to change my relationship with my H...the worst thing I could imagine had happened. I had nothing to lose by being my 'real' self. All my frustrations and anger had no meaning any longer. <P>So I examined all my habits (and lovebusters) and 'got rid' of those that were nonproductive. I became as irresistable as possible. (Lost baby weight, bought new clothes, new hairstyle and color--4 ME! not 4 him!) <P>So take another deep breath and focus on YOU. <P>Cali

Ya, what Cali said!