Hello,
I have a difficult dilemma and thought that you folks might be able to help. My wife and I have been separated and we have filed for divorce(not my choice-she has a boyfriend). It was an affair which she refused to admit to me until August of 2001 (from when it began in November of 2000). I moved out thinking that she was angry at me and it was something I could work on, but it wasn't until I had her read the afore-mentioned book with me, that she finally admitted everything. I forgave her for everything, including the deceipt and lies about the affair, and told her I really want to work on us-that I have changed, etc. She has been seeing many differences in me and has admitted this to me as well. SHe has been seeing this other guy for about 1 year, and now says she may want to work on us, but she is not sure if she can ever grow to LOVE me once again, as she holds resentment and bitterness about the selfish way I acted when we were married. SHe says she is "numb" inside to me and is afraid that she can't get past it. I asked her for forgiveness, but I am afraid she can't let go. FUrther, she has been telling me that she doesn't want all of the "spritual stuff" in her life. SHe knows what she did is wrong, but she still feels the way she does.
I have used this time (just about 1 year) to work on myself and have put the principles of the MArriage on The Rock textbook into my life, and used DR Harley's techs. I have forgave her for everything and have begun to show her nothing but Love and unselfishness in every aspect. We have 2 little kids (8&5), and I have been focusing on them and am being totally unselfish in my apparoach to the family. She has taken a break from seeing this guy, but still has feelings for him as she said he has "touched her emotional soul. MY big problem is that I need to finds a way to reach her to get accept that she will need God to show her the way to melt her hardness of heart to me to begin forgiveness. How can I get her to see the light? My righteous behaviors have helped thusfar to get her attention, but I am unsure if she can make the leap of faith I am asking her to make to let us spend time together and build a "connection".
Any suggstions? I am unsure if I should continue on my path. Maybe I should move on...We had been married ten years.

C,<p>Just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this....my story goes pretty much exactly like yours (without the children, and WS "taking a break from OM").<p>I don't have much else in the way of encouragement today. Read the links in my sig line below to get you further acquainted with MB.<p>God bless,
Kev

C in MA.<p>Are you sure your not speaking to my wife? The words she is using are EXACTLY the same as my wife.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>says she may want to work on us, but she is not sure if she can ever grow to LOVE me once again, as she holds resentment and bitterness about the selfish way I acted when we were married. SHe says she is "numb" inside to me and is afraid that she can't get past it. <hr></blockquote><p>Why is it so hard for the WS to see past it. Are they blinded by their love for the OM? I was not happy in my marriage either, but I can somehow see past the fact that she had the affair (not an easy thing to get past either).<p>This has to be the most frustrating thing in the world. I told her just last night to "take a leap of faith", "come back to me", "it will be the best decision you have ever made", "I know I can make you happy again". She says half heartedly that she will try but she is hopeless that she can ever get past the negative feelings she has developed towards me over the past several years. I am stuck....exactly where you are and don't know what to tell you, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone. Welcome to the mental meatgrinder.<p>I wish you the best of luck.<p>WW4L<p>[ November 21, 2001: Message edited by: wantwife4life ]</p>