Azurely,

You finally asked a question I can handle. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Go read about the Policy of Joint Agreement, POJA. You will see that what is recommended is that you two negotiate about issues such as recreation until you both are "enthusiatic" about the solution. THis could be called negotiating until there is a win-win situation.

The fact that your needs and recreation preferences are not the same is normal. The fact that you both sort of like the things the other person really likes is really very good. The deal is to do somethings that both of you like, and set it up in such a way that you are both happy with the outcome.

By the way, you should do this with all of your needs (yours and his). Conversation, perhaps he will agree to a set time each day to talk about things. Perhaps you need to consider that all of the topics you find the most interesting he doesn't. So many things, but the secret is to not do anything until you both are in agreement and this can and often does require thinking outside of the box.

You do have me puzzled a bit. Given you stated attraction to OM,and your statement that you don't really have much in common, why the attraction? He sounds like a pretty unsavory character to me.

Must go. Hope something I said helps.

God Bless,

JL

Azurely, I've come back to this thread to offer my Congratulations on making what was a difficult decision, and sticking to it like you have!! Good for you!! I can imagine it must be hard to give up what you've seen as your self esteem's personal life line - this OM. But you've done it, and believe me, now you'll be able to look at your marriage with a clearer view.

I noticed you started a new line of questions in your last post. As a veteran MB participant, I would suggest that you start a new thread in order to receive the maximum number of responses.

Best of luck to you, jamup

Hiya AZ, I'm a little late on this thread (I usually am) but here's my .02$. I am both the WS and BS (see my sig line). When I had my A, the conditions where very similar to yours, and even though I had mine to "get even", it doesn't make it right. I would like to say kudos to you for coming here in the first place and doing the right thing. Is there any chance of getting your H to check out this sight? Maybe a big help. I would also talk to him about this immediately if you haven't already and tell him EVERYTHING. I know it won't be easy, but it must be done. Best of luck and prayers to you Az.

MTD

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You do have me puzzled a bit. Given you stated attraction to OM,and your statement that you don't really have much in common, why the attraction? He sounds like a pretty unsavory character to me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's really hard to explain. My gut reaction is to say "it's all physical", except, well, he doesn't even LOOK that much like the type of guy I'm normally interested in. Although, when I think of him, my mind is always on the idea of whether or not to engage in a PA .. granted we're not speaking right now, but I haven't gone to work a single day since I cut him off, either. I'm not sure what I'll do when he walks by my cube.. furthermore when work gets frustrating, who will I run to? I'm not really sure I can keep this up.

Furthermore, I told my H that I cut OM off, and he just shrugged and acted like he didn't care.

So I ask you this.. if HE doesn't care, who the heck am I doing this for? It isn't me.. I just feel like crap without having OM to talk to, or to constantly try to convince me that I actually am attractive.. I really don't know what's going on anymore...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is there any chance of getting your H to check out this sight? Maybe a big help. I would also talk to him about this immediately if you haven't already and tell him EVERYTHING. I know it won't be easy, but it must be done. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">H seems rather indifferent to the whole thing. He doesn't seem to care about much of anything when it comes to me anymore. Work, sex, me almost having a PA.. it's as if he married me, and now life is just so unbearable that he needs to run off and hide. I haven't changed at all since we married, I haven't made any false promises and broke them.. I don't know why he suddenly hates me...

Now what i'm about to say may be considered heretical in nature but I wouldn't be bringing it up if I didn't think that it merited some consideration.

If your H doesn't care about you and the OM, then I suggest you talk to your H about getting a divorce (it doesn't mean you will actually proceed with it). Let him know that he is not behaving like a good H should behave and you do not deserve this kind of treatment from him. Hopefully he will see how hurt you are and will respond with kindness and understanding.

But even if he agrees that you two should divorce, DO NOT have the A because it will NOT help your resolve your low self esteem issues. OM cares nothing about you (like most OM) except taking you to bed to satisfy his ego of having sex with a married woman. You deserve a lot better.

Perhaps not a bad idea..

<small>[ January 06, 2003, 02:44 PM: Message edited by: eighties_child ]</small>

NOTE TO THE MODERATORS Please delete this whole thread.

I thought posts were only readable by people with accounts. I do not like the idea of my former display name showing up in index services (google, yahoo, etc).

Thank you.

ec:

I don't think it would show up in a search. I tried that with my own previous name, and it didn't turn up, even though it was a unique word.

You might ask those that responded to you to change their reference from your previous name to your current one.

It would be a definite shame if someone that came here with a real problem were to be scared off by the fear that their identity would be known. Please continue to post!