Another question for discussion.....

Do any of our WS's have family members who were also WS's?

In my situation, my XH's father had numerous affairs on both of his wives and was divorced twice. He is now with the mistress he had when he was married to wife #2.

Do you think this sets a good example to your children? Does this say that divorce is okay? That if you tire of your wife (or husband) that divorce is the answer.

My priest friend made a great statement about my X's dad - that is motto in life was "when in doubt, get out" - how true this is.

Llama

My mother's parents were together till death. She was horrified at my father's filanderings, willing to stick it out. Then he divorced her.

My father's father had a few wives and many many girlfriends. His mother remarried but from what I hear was not faithful for most of her marriage (although she remained married to H #2 until he died).

My father has had 5 wives (my mother was the first). He tried for a bit to make my mother #6. She could not stop laughing so that never got off the ground.

Growing up I always assumed that i'd have several husbands.

Now, I think not.

Yes, I think it can. While it can also work both ways, as in a child seeing this in the family can go to extremes (if there are extremes in this) to make sure they remain faithful.

H was exposed to his parents affairs (yes, both parents) while he was young. He even walked in on his mom more then once, don't think he ever walked in on his dad, but it was known.

His childhood was a nightmare on many levels, emotional and physical abuse. He worked so hard to be a good and loving H and father. He made great attempts to avoid the actions of his parents and for the most part would overcome his "conditioning". ie...there were times he'd come back with a statement regarding our children where I would need to point out that he was falling back into how he had been raised and we were definitely not raising our children that way...and he would always agree with me.

But, I do think that being exposed to this type of life style has lifelong lasting effects, even with the best of intentions. Not that it's a reason for betrayal, but they learn that betrayal is an option when things get tough.

My H wasn't a betrayer for over 20 years (I firmly believe this), but the conditions were ripe in our marriage from outside stress, she was available, he was suffering from his on-going depression, life was bleak from his POV...and it happened.

Good question Llama,

As for my X
Dad Married 3 times, cheated multiple times on first two wives
Mom Married 3 times, cheated on multiple time on 1st two husbands
Older Sister & X-Brother in-law - cheated on each other
Wife cheated on me and has cheated on OM whom she is living with.

But here is my quandry, yes my X had a not so good childhood and serial cheating runs in her family. BUT my father was a HUGE serial cheater against my mom and my mom had an affair as well. Yet, I never cheated.

Therefore I must conclude that it is more about the upbringing rather than the affairs. Though my dad is an SOB, I had a good (but blind) childhood.

Dad - Married 3 times - cheated, cheated, cheated, and cheated some more.....

Mom - Married twice - cheated

Mom's first husband - Cheated

6 kids from both marriages - all have cheated.

3 neices - ALL have cheated.

Conclusions - Unless you're willing to break the cycle, you live what you learn.....

ME - formerly a cheater - NEVER AGAIN!

Let's see..not known if my parents ever cheated. Married for over 30 years until my Dad dies several years ago. I have 4 brothers, and all are married and to this date, dont believe any have cheated and all are still married

MIL & FIL were married to first spouses and had children with them. MIL was FIL's secretary, and they had an affair together, left their spouses and married. They have been together since then, although there have been more affairs between them. My wife is their only child together, and has now cheated. All of her half-brothers and sisters have cheated, and all have been thru at least one divorce.

Kind of makes you think on what we pass on to our kids. the Bible says things like this go down 4 generations. I believe it. My MIL said recently that she had hoped that my wife would be the one to break the cycle. Now I fear that my kids will carry on the tradition of her family. I pray I do the right thing, because I want them to go on and never have to go through this...and maybe this will stop it here. It really is true...when you marry, you marry the family also...so take a close look.

In His Arms.

<small>[ January 28, 2003, 01:46 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

I think I agree with kily.

I have taken a personal vow not to cheat on my SO. Some days that's easy. Some days it's hard.

This is the first relationship were I have not cheated. (it's been 17 months)

I have to agree on this one.My husabnds father did cheat on his mom.I believe that what goes around,comes around.My mom-in-law was never trusting to her husband,even when I was dating my husband.Now that is a BIG problem. The man was always nice to me and NOT once did he EVER try anything with me. The poor man tried up until his dying day to make amends to her,but to no avail,she still held a bitter taste in her mouth.This is such a tragedy. I believe,that is why,I made sure that I was going to hold our marriage together,no matter what it took. This February we will be celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary.We have been together for almost 21 years,I am so thankful for coming from a family life that believes that no matter how hard things get,you can always smooth them out at any cost.My parents never had any type of affairs,the only downfall that I had was that my mom left my dad because she was no longer happy. Again,I promised myself that I would not subject my children to this either."It is in the power of knowledge,that you survive." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My father cheated. My mother cheated. My parents cheated together. I have cheated. Parents divorced after 20 years.

MIL has had "friends" whom everyone suspected were more, but I don't know that for sure. Wife cheated with "friend". hmm

Infadelity runs on both sides of my family. Infadelity runs on both sides of her family.

I'm beginning to wonder if it's a "Family curse" or just reality. Is there anyone out there who has honestly never cheated on their partner, or been cheated on? I'm beginning to wonder.

Interesting question. I know that my WH father cheated on his 2nd wife. He was visiting here in our state, and was talking about his girlfriend. He met, and on his way back to home driving from the east coast to Colorado, he and her were staying in a motel in Chicago. She lived in Chicago area.

This is interesting. Never thought about it before. Now, my WH, fathers, father? There might be something there too? This is really scary <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . My husband did a geanology and I think there was something there about great grandpa, him being promiscious <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> . I will have to ask my husband, sometime, when I feel he can talk civil to me about this matter. He knows about his father infidelity. You know, you may have something that maybe could be in the genes. Never thought of it this way, I sure hope this is not true.

Prayer - God help all of us to be pure, like you want us to be. Please relieve all lust and desire of the wayward spouse. Please bring them back to the spouse that they married and made committment and vows to. Lord, help all of us. Amen.

My MIL is in her 3rd M. Her first christian M. In her previouse two M's she cheated on both of them. My 2 sil's have both been unfaithful to their SO's. Think I see a pattern here.

MTD

Mine is with my Parents - I am the BS.

Mom was cheated on by my bio-father.
Step-Father (my Dad) - cheated on my his first wife. She had many ONS and EA/PA.

So, I saw it from the BS side.

FYI - Bio-father still married to OW, close to 40 years now.

FWH - Unsure about FWH's parents. Could be alot of skeltons in that closet. I do know that H's Dad approached my Dad about swapping wives. (At our wedding rehearsal) My Mom told me a few years later, to try and protect me.

All 3 of FWH siplings are divorced. Each due to infidelity.

we're onto something, My WH's father was a real philanderer. Cheated on His first wife, then divorced and remarried we dont' know how many times and cheated on them all.
H's grandfather cheated with his secretary, divorced his wife and married OW. I really believe he cheated many times on her, though they stayed married.
My father cheated on my mother, and my grandfather cheated also. But grands stayed married. Me? I have not cheated on my H. I did date a couple of times after his first A, but only for fun and to get even, no PA or EA.
However, I had told him I was filing for divorce and moving on then. So I didn't sneak around, but it woke him up real quick!
Yes, I think especially on my H's side of family, he saw it as the manly thing to do. Macho, and a conquest to see how many women they could lay. Somehow it seems/seemed to boost their egos. If only they knew how many other men had the same women! HA They'd know they had no conquest. Mine still believes his last A , which was second, was with a women who would never have done such a thing except with him. His old high school sweetheart. Funny how he thinks she made him so happy. Yet she is married and says her marriage has been on the rocks for years. Wonder why such a perfect woman hasn't been able to keep her own H happy? Her marriage happy?
I'll never know why a man's head is so far up his A--! Analyse them guys, gals. If they're so miserable in their marriages, might it have something to do with their failures too?Duh!
Her poor H was totally in the dark as to what void there was in her life that made her do that to him. I told him about the A and sent him the info. I felt sorry for him!
Talking with him, he's a lot more understanding and forgiving than my H would ever be.
This stupid OW ought to have to deal with what I have for years! LOL
She would be begging me to take him back.
LouLou

Knowing whtat my husband said, that men like to spread their DNA. It is a guy thing. Us women don't want to spread our DNA, at least us sane ones. The sexy, promiscous women don't mind, but God sees and knows who is going to go to heaven.

My husband spread his DNA, to the OW. Thankfully, a little person did not get created. But while he was doing what he was doing, did he think about all the STD, and aids that could of been spread? Of course not. He said he had nothing to worry about. He didn't know who she slept with, or who her husband slept with.

I wonder if religion is not a criteria with these poeple too. If it was, then they would of known that committing sex, was a BIG SIN. LUST is a sin, looking at another woman/man is a sin, unclothing is another sin, lieing is a sin. Etc.

So does christianity or lack of have to do with these people too. If they were suppose to be such strong christians (like my H's other woman), why didn't it bother her in her 2 for sure sexual affairs. Who knows, she might of had more.

That bothers me too. They profess to be christians, but don't act like one. So what if they can read the bible from front to back and back to front. Actions speak for itself.

Infidelity speaks for itself, and maybe some families have the mental attitude that one husband/wife is not enough, more is what is needed.

I look at my husband fathers daughter. She has slept with many men. She has no feelings about that. She married a man for a short period of 7 months. And divorced him. Even before the divorce was final, she had another boyfriend. Now she has another boyfriend, and who knows who he has slept with. I am sure they are sexually active.

I feel for her dauughter, she is 5, looking at this man that her mother has into the home. I am sure on the weekends, that he stays the night, in her room. What do you think is being instilled into this young mind.

Where are the morals in this society? Where are the morals in this family? This is where I find that this world is totally screwed. Christians need to take a hold of the reins and show these non christians that what they are doing is deceitful to God.

I would like to have my husband see, that what he did was deceitful to me and to my children, to to our Savior.

Prayers, God please help our wayward spouses see all the lies and deceit they have caused in the families. The threat of disesase being spread, the injury of hearts, the tearing of families, and the unknown of Gods will to them. I am praying for my husband to see, that I am the person he married for love and death do us part. I am praying for this nation to have peace. No war. Please Lord, hear our prayers, and give us peace. Amen.

<small>[ February 05, 2005, 09:28 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>