Orchid,

You have been kind to me and many here on this forum.

You know what it takes and what to do.

I have you and your family in my prayers, I know how hard it is to go through the pain.

It is not about you, but him, we all know this.

Hugs to you and please turn to your higher power in this time of tension and testing of your strength.

YOu will be fine.

Hugs, H

Knewjie,

Thanks for the support. WS would be glad to know you don't 'hate' him. Will look for your e-mail tomorrow. Will take a raincheck on that offer - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

DbD,
Confusion is an A requirement. Doesn't mean we have to participate. It took me a while but now I realize that I don't have to participate in the A issue. So now I have chosen to remove myself from it. Before, I gave the WS the opportunity to protect us from the OW, he chose not to. I will send you an e-mail. I found a few more jokes I think you would like.

Thanks for your support. I know you are having a hard time also. Maybe next time you can come to CA instead of WA?

Dawn,

Got your support and hugging it tight....thanks!

ARK,

Speechless?? Wow! Your posts are truly supportive and encouraging. Keep up the good work. I like your suggestion and move cautiously.

JR,
We have been here for quite a while haven't we? There is a bar set up where it belongs. We have come past the stage of wondering .....what if? These d/d no longer shock the soul, just irritate it. Now I long for peace and quite. Taking care of my needs and that of my son. I always have but now I have learned that the needs of the BS are important. We are good people and deserve to be loved, the right way.

The A does not have love. False interpretations, misleading feelings, innuendos and pseudo thoughts confuse the mind and heart. At least at the beginning. Now I can almost look at the A and laugh. I used to cry. Now I feel pity. Glad I am not in those shoes.

How are you doing?

Honey,
Thanks for thinking of my family during your trials. I know you have been through a lot.

We can't be that crazy if we keep looking out for each other, ya know?!??!?

Take care. You have certainly come a long way. I am proud of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

To all,
Thanks again so much. You have been there for me during good times and bad and bad and worse and..... well you get the picture.

My MB strength from this board has not let me down. Though my H is spending his night out there somewhere. It is his choice. Just kinda sad knowing it is his choice. He chose to break a boundary that was not a joke. I do not appreciate being mocked.

Supposedly he told the OW off. How long that will last is unknown. She is a bit hard of hearing (or so I was told near the 1st d/d) and she already tried to apologize and give him a hug which he told me he refused. Now I read (on her last e-mail sent yesterday) that she has been thinking about moving to our town (she lives 35 minutes away in another county). Then she had the gall to say that they could then see each other everyday! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Well that could be his choice. I am not sure if I could take her being that close.

He has said he does not want to be with her but right now I don't really want to be with him either. I want my real H back, the nice guy who used to love us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Funny thing about a real boundary. It is still there. I am adamant about NOT having the OW in my life.

Am I an MB failure? No, I don't believe that for a minute. Just a bit hard sometimes. Gotta keep pluggin'.

For now I will take it 1 day at a time.

Mahalo,
L.

<small>[ March 06, 2003, 01:01 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

If you want me to delete my post to your H .... say the word .... you are master of this thread, and shall be obeyed. My vent has released all my steam anyway.

Love,

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Dear Pepper,

No, you posted what was in your heart. That is enough for me.

What if the WS reads it? Well that is part of the choices he made. One of the consquences. He may wonder how others can be soo judgemental of him when they don't know him or his side. Well he has the opportunity to come here and tell his side or choose not to. Either way, people will think as they please.

Look, he is just as judgemental himself on others. He called SNL a jerk. Well the shoe fit at that time. That was based on what he read or I informed him regarding that situation. So he is not exempt from the same.

Please leave your post. I hope the WS does read it.

You know Dr Phil shows that he is not tolerant of stupidity. He comes flat out and tells some of his guests off. Why? Because even by their own admission, they are being jerks.

I don't believe in camflouging it. Never have. Even if it hurts. Unneccessary pain is abuse. Pain that comes from healing is worth enduring.

Thanks,
L.

Orchid - yes, your husband called my husband SNL a jerk. An appropriate name for the WS, this is gonna hurt your husband, but he needs to look in the mirror.

I am appalled by his actions. He is hurting you & your son, what a beautiful child to have to deal with a dad that is so unthoughtful to him and his mother. I am so sad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> to see this post, and see the fffooggg... that he is in. You are a strong woman, holding down the fort, being the one who is there day in and day out, working your little butt off, working all these extra days, taking him back in and bringing him back to health.

What you did is the best Orchid. Put his stuff in the garbage bag, let him figure this out. You set your boundaries, and get on with your life. I know this hurts honey, you have helped me through my times, and have talked to SNL too. I am there for you.

What gets me upset, is I talked to your husband and was calling to talk to you and see how things are. We talked about ebay and things he was selling. And to know that he was interacting with the other woman, I will say this personally to him, grow up and realize that you have a wife and son that loves you. This other woman, don't you see what the other woman is? She is not there for you, she is out there to destroy marriages and use you. I know cause my husband is SNL, SNL found a doozey too. The other woman in my husbands life was out to destroy this family, and she did. The other woman was out there to destroy me, with her unthoughtful words. Well she did destroy me with her vindictive manner. And she used control and power over me with her suicide attempts, by calling me to tell me she was going to commit suicide if SNL and I told her husband. See she wasn't getting what she wanted out of SNL, so she used the weaker link, me. Well, I should of seen this at the time as control, and not caring about me and the kids. I didn't, but going through counseling, I see this woman as sick, unhealthy, uncaring & vindictive. This woman will do anything to get what she wants, and this woman I should of said to her, go ahead and commit suicide. But I am a caring individual, and a loving individual. So I gave this woman my heart, and tried to get her to go to the hospital for emergency services for suicide. And she kicked me in the face, by telling me she was going shopping instead. This is the wayward spouses actions. They use the ones that truly love their spouses. They use the ones that care about their spouse and family. This past woman of my husband is mentally unstable. Been stated by her counselor and being of not sound mind. And her family has mental problems as well, which is being shown in their children.

Orchid, I am praying for you. I haven't been posting much, with what is going on here, and my husbands mother. If you would like, I could call you this weekend. If not I will respect your wishes. Sometimes you need to be with your son only. Please give your son a special hug from me. I know you are hurting Orchid, but you sound very strong, and have your boundaries. Realize that the other woman is a psycho, and I don't hate your husband, but I hate what he is doing in his actions to you and your son and family.

GOd be with you, and your son. Please Orchids husband, do you see what you are doing? Take and look in the mirror really hard, and see in your eyes, the love of your wife and your son. You are the only one who knows deep in your heart that your wife and son love you. The other woman is using you. Just a word from me.

HUGS to you Orchid and your son. Will keep up with this thread to see what is happening.

I am sorry this has happen to you. You were one of the first to reply to me last year when I needed encouragement. I hope things will get better.

Orchid, OW seems to be a great manipulator and puppet master. Try not to fall into the same trap and out-control and out-manipulate WS. Instead, try to reinforce the point that *she* is *manipulating* him so he gets it.
N

hugs and prayers for you...

btw... if you remember paintbox, she is on Recovery seeking support...

Be strong. Draw your lines. Stay safe.

Cali

Hi Orchid,

Hugs and prayers. I'm sorry

Orchid,
Thanks for all your good advice and for reaching out to others. I'm sending positive thoughts your way....

Orchid - sorry I'm late replying to this post. When I read the first few, I didn't realize he had earned WS status again.

To Mr. Orchid - you are one stupid MF. We don't hate or despise you, we pity you. You haven't the sense to see what you're missing. Please do us all a favor and make a decision. An honest, loving, wonderful woman or a piece of human waste. Make a decision so Orchid can get on with her life.

WAT

Orchid,

He is making me soooooo mad right now. And Ms. PBR. Oh my God...Guess what Darth told me via im last night? MRS. MONKEYHO has been chosen as a finalist for get this "The Bachelor". I personally called ABC and left two flaming messages about how I will let every news agency/paper in this country in on her past and will submit legal information about her. She wont make a profit from being a golddigger if I have anything to do about it.

And I will try to call you tonight. You are a few hours behind so I will call before turning in.

I can't be lieve this loser. She won't give up. And Darth is going to hometown tomorrow. Think he may be visiting with Ms. MOnkeyho. They definitely are talking again. Based on his recent IM's .

Oh, he turned in the hummer for non payment however it is also in my name so he screwed my credit again. He is playing a poor man now and trying to get the mediation date changed from next friday to ?. I am about having a meltdown too. I cannot go on this way anymore.

I don't know what to say. Sometimes I truly wonder the real recovery/success rate from WS's. Personally I feel it is very small. Although cajunky has done it admirably and well. More like an internal character flaw. Very scary. Plus, it is easier for a person to go back to an easier way of coping (for some adultery) than stepping up to bat and learning how to swing at life better. Change is stressful and the easy way out and self gratification sure feels better. Although I wouldn't understand how that felt, but in a few weeks when the d is signed, I will embark on a new life and find out..hee hee. And I place emphasis on the gratification part. Maybe this year I shall indeed leave the convent for good!

Your ws just forgot how wonderful you and your son will look to another guy one day. One who won't take you for granted. And my stbx, very soon stbxws Darth will have rude awakening very soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

O,

I'm sorry Lady...you deserve better than what H has to offer, at least while he is in his dream world.

You know, I've been thinking about this whole world(infedility)in which we all find ourselves. Perhaps I have become too jaded. Anyway...I am starting to believe that real honest to goodness recovery is reserved for only a few.

I mean, I have met some wonderful people on this site. Some of the best people a person could meet anywhere in the world. And yet real recovery eludes us. Why?

Well, I have yet to find the answer. About the best I can come up with is to point to the WS/OP and feel that they are completely immoral. Or that they are all addicts, intent on getting their fix.

I know this can't be the case because I have seen too many come to this site and attempt to really recover their marriages. I have seen the pain some of them are in due to their time of weakness.

So what is it? Why do some WS pretend for awhile that they want recovery? To throw us off guard? So they can restart or continue their A? Makes no sense to me....

At any rate,(and I am sorry for saying these things on your thread), I wanted to say that I am sorry for you and your child. Believe me, I know how you feel.

Don't lose your spirit to this crap again. You are a well loved woman around here.

jd

Hi all,

Faith4me, Good to hear from you. WS definitely needs support because he thinks he doesn't have anyone. Funny how the OW just doesn't look at 'appealing' when the BS could care less!??!?! LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Keeping Thanks for your support.

Nick Good advice. It is amazing how the things the WS accuses the BS of, the OP is doing the same but it is ok to them. Fog???? U bet.

Cali It is good to hear from you. I will checkout paintbox. Not sure how good I can be right now.....I am having to put my own words into action. That plan I have in my back pocket is buring a hole in it. YIKES! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Suewithhope Your hug and prayer are certainly appreciated. Thanks.

Learnin We can all help each other. Your positive thoughts are being felt. I have not cried over this and I had a pep talk with a couple of MBers so I am doing much better. Thanks.

WAT, what can I say??? I wish you were here to be his big brother. He doesn't have anyone to talk to like you all here @ MB. I appreciate your kind words and hope that the WS can hear enough to give us a clear answer.

I spoke to Peach tonight and she told me to pray for peace. Another settling point. I must say my boundaries are being well defined and I have to adhere to them.

GAPeach, my dear Peach. Thanks for the pep talk tonight. I can't believe that Monkeyho is a finalist for that show!?!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I will be happy to notify the bachelor and his parents......(are there parent's in this one?). Can't remember - too many reality shows. LOL!!

You gave me some straight talk. Your words sounded very familar. Stuff I have said before. Sounds much nicer when you say it but you sure don't mince your words!!!

Thanks,
L.

To all, thanks for your support. It truly means a lot to me. I am not a basket case, this time. I don't feel wasted or useless. I know I am valuable and loved. I also know I have much love in my heart to share with those who appreciate me. I am not selfish nor perfect. I do make mistakes but am willing to work on my errors. Positive and negative crictisms are taken in the spirit of helping me be a better person. I wish all could benefit from such help.

Mahalo,
L.

Jd,

We must have been posting at the same time. Glad you posted.

U know, I have been wondering the same thing. But I honestly believe that the % of recovery is still better here w/MB than without. The real sad thing is how bad some are hooked and they don't know why. Kinda like Pinocchio and his friends that were turned into donkey's.

Whether the WS recovers or not, I know I am stronger now than before. Remember me in 2001? Poster child for basket cases. I posted a lot partially for my santity and because I didn't want others to suffer the same. Yet I couldn't stop all the pain but hoped I helped some.

Thanks for your support. By the way, howz the book coming? You can add this E-bay incident. You know it must be real...... we just can't make this stuff up....it is tooo weird! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">U know, I have been wondering the same thing. But I honestly believe that the % of recovery is still better here w/MB than without. The real sad thing is how bad some are hooked and they don't know why. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wholeheartedly agree, this site offers perhaps the best hope for recovery. Not to mention the invaluable information and understanding for newbies. I remember the desperate need for information, especially from posting WSes, just to try to understand why this was happening to my family and what was going on in my wifes head.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whether the WS recovers or not, I know I am stronger now than before. Remember me in 2001? Poster child for basket cases. I posted a lot partially for my santity and because I didn't want others to suffer the same. Yet I couldn't stop all the pain but hoped I helped some.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I remember. Weren't we all back then? You and a couple others helped me much more than you know. We didn't converse like you and some of the others, or not as much, but I read your posts and admired your strength. Bluffing though you was, at times.
Yes, you are much stronger than back then. But that doesn't mean this doesn't still hurt. Do not be affraid to let it out when you need to. We are here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for your support. By the way, howz the book coming? You can add this E-bay incident. You know it must be real...... we just can't make this stuff up....it is tooo weird! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I had lost the urge to write the book. Then regained the urge, then lost it again...lol. As of about 3 weeks ago I had written a couple dozen pages that I liked.

Then disaster hit in the form of a nasty computer virus. No! I had not made backups <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Lost everything I had written, plus a lot of stuff that can never be replaced. Guess I learned a very valuable lesson.

The deadline I was given is well past also. But that might be overcome, if I can get back in the mood. Not worried with it though.

jd

Dear Orchid,

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I just want to let you know how much I appreciate the help you gave me when I needed it.

Your situation sounds a bit like the sitch between my parents (long ago). Dad got entangled with an OW who just would not let go and (now admits) she used every trick in the book to stay in contact with him. Continued contact is what kept the A going. In their case, unfortunately, my M finally lost it and kicked him out - she now regrets doing this. But the upshot of it was that he left to live with OW, and they are still together. That was 30 years ago, and there is a lot of water under the bridge by now. My mother's decision still haunts her, and no-one knows what might have happened had she not done that - but the fact is, and I have said this to her many times - it was HIS responsibility - not hers - it was HIM who made the choice to go, and then to live with OW, not my M. She was put in an intolerable position. As she said "I had my face rubbed in it and I couldn't take it anymore - I thought you kids would not respect me later if you found out that I had put up with it all these years and done nothing." I respect my mother for being a strong person and STAYING KIND. She could have festered in anger and hatred, but she didn't - she taught me to be generous, even to the OW.

I am glad you seem so strong, but I know that this must be hurting you. I hope your H will wake up to the consequences of his actions - I am sure that he is not a bad person at all, but he is being weak, and opening himself and his family up to an evil that he cannot forsee - so it was with my family - my brother broke down into incurable schizophrenia and died last year at age 43 of liver failure - my father paid the ultimate price by losing his only son. I pray that your family will be spared any such agony - too often the WS is only thinking of himself, and loses sight of the impact on his family. Having experienced this in my own family, this is why I am trying so hard to save my own marriage - to try to protect my sons from the stress my brother suffered.

God give you strength, Orchid, and I pray that he will open your H's eyes.

LIR

Orchid,

I am so sorry to read of this horrible turn. You have helped and supported me so much through my trouble. I am glad everyone here is showing their support and love for you. Last time I was on it looked like things were going south for you and I was hoping it was not. But I guess things have gone from bad to worse. You gave me big cyber hugs a few times so I'm returning the favor
{{{{{ORCHID}}}}}}. Don't get too down. You know that you deserve more than this. You told me the same and you were right. I am not on much but will try to keep in touch. Just know that I care and will be thinking of you and praying for you.

Sharon

Hi Orchid,
My heart breaks for you. You are one strong, compassionate woman and I know you will get trhough this! It is mind boggling to think that your WS would do something so stupid to wreck all the hard work you have both done in your reconciliation. My prayers are with you Orchid. You deserve better than this.
BH

Hi Orchid,
I'm speechless. The OW sounds relentless and your DH sounds so weak?!! He keeps opening the door for her to be in your lives and won't take a stand against her for your family... Is he in love with her? Gosh, I don't get it? If he is in love with her and wants to be with her, just say so and go be with her, you know? Sure it would hurt you, but at least you would know the truth and be able to accept it and move on. You're a big girl. But to drag out this lie for y-e-a-r-s like this, how much more damage does that do to the marriage? Why can't WS' see it this way and just be honest?

Nevertheless, you know what you're dealing with and you know how to handle yourself. You will be fine and so will your boy. Hang in there. You've got my prayers & support...