I would like to ask a question, is there a point in recovery where you really feel that "strong trust" again, or will there always be doubt??? I know that Harley says that you should never 100 percent trust your spouse, which makes sense, does the trust turn into a different feeling altogether? Am I making sense? My WH and I are in a sort of semi-recovery phase, He had 1 1/2 year EA with coworker, he is now working somewhere else. She still contacts him on the computer and he does see her once in a while. He has made great effort in our relationship, he is filling all my EN's and I am filling his. He wants to move out of state asap to a warmer climate, I am behind this idea 100 percent as it would benefit us finacially and I think emotionally. Everything he does, and says lately is about us moving in a positive direction. Maybe I am just having a bad day. Any advice would be greatly apprectiated.

Married 4/88
2 boys 9 & 6
D-day 10/02-said he wanted to leave, wasnt happy with us for 5 years. Admitted PA. We deceided to work on us.
D-day-1/03- WH said not feeling "connection" with me, I suspected EA with coworker-I mentioned it to him, he seemed genuinely surprised and agreed.
4/1/03-left his job, and relocated. Still in contact with OW.
4/22/03- WH wants to move out of state. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Trust can't ever be restored as long as he continues contact with the OW. Every contact is a knife in your back that puts you back to D-Day in your recovery. It also puts him back in his recovery. For him, its like giving a recovering alcoholic an occasional drink. It just starts up the craving again.

In order to start true recovery, your spouse needs to send her a no contact letter asking her not to contact him anymore. He needs to commit to completely ending contact with her. To continue this is beyond cruel to you and is like dying a death of a thousand cuts. A no contact letter is the LEAST he can do to repair this damage.

Trust can be restored to a very GREAT degree when the spouse is *TRUSTWORTHY.* He has to demonstrate trustworthy actions for a LONG TIME in order for you to trust him again. You should not trust a spouse who is still in contact with his OP. That would be insane.

Even so, the Harley's are right, you should never blindly trust any person. My motto is: trust.........but verify.

<small>[ May 04, 2003, 06:47 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>