Ex-fiance (who still tells other people I am his "girlfriend) and I have been seeing each other 1 or 2 times per week. If we just hang around, talk, watch TV, or go to dinner...we get along fine. When I want to talk about US, it depends what kind of mood he is in. If he has just spoken with his family (who have been nagging him since our blowup to either visit or move back to his home state), or if he has been working a lot of overtime, he tends to blow up. We fight, then he calls to apologize. "I told myself I wasn't going to blow up anymore at you, you don't deserve it, I am sorry."

I told him I don't want to push him...but that I also cannot sit around and wait indefinitely for him to make up his mind. He refuses to get mental help, and he refuses to cut back on overtime (says he needs $$$). He needs to do both, desperately. His job is working him to death, and they don't even care. When he drops dead they will just send the new person to walk over his body.

He still will not give me his new address. This upsets me, and I have told him. He is not with the old OW, and I do not think he has a new one. He has told me enough about the old couple he is renting from, that I believe him. He just feels he needs his "privacy" and to do this "on his own." I said fine...I won't stalk you, I'd come to your job if I was gonna do that...but friends don't hide their place of residence from friends. He keeps saying he will bring me there, but he is embarrassed because the room is small.

On Monday, we had a pleasant dinner and watched TV. The day before he had asked me if I wanted to go with him to visit his family this summer...even offered to buy me a plane ticket. So on Monday I asked what day he planned to depart, because I was checking my schedule...and he said "why, are you driving me to the airport?" I said uh, no you invited me...and he denied it!! What?!?!?! We had a blow-up and have not talked since. I alternate between MAD and SAD but so far have not caved in to call him.

I think he is having problems with his mom...he even mentioned that she is depressed, and he is worried what she will do if he doesn't visit...it is quite possible he spoke with her that day, and what I said (although completely innocent on my part) set him off.

But I am trying not to call. I really think it is time to start a plan B. He has to stop playing with my mind!! I can't go on living like this, thinking "ok it's Tuesday so I can't talk to him, as he will be in a bad mood." Or "Friday...ok he did not work yesterday, so he is OK to speak to."

Sigh. Opinions anyone? I have a feeling everyone will say "Plan B" and you are probably right.

Straycat,

I have a question. "Why do you even bother?"

I think you should really answer your own question. As someone who doesn't know you, what I see is someone wasting her time.

You are 35 years old. You obviously take care of yourself. He has cheated on you. He broke the engagement. He has moved on with life and won't tell you where he lives. He seems to forget what he says (is he Ozzie Osborne??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

In short you ARE NOT in a relation with him, and when you were it didn't look so good did it?

So "Why do you bother?" An excellent question, only you can answer it.

But, if I were running your life, you would have a life. You would have moved on and found someone worthy of your efforts and love.

God Bless,

JL

<small>[ June 12, 2003, 04:51 PM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>

Thanks for your reply, JL. Harsh, but true.

I am finally starting to ask myself "why do I bother." I can't live like this for an extended period of time. And although I don't like him when he acts like this, I still love him. He's the love of my life, and at this point he seems irreplacable to me. Mad, sad, sad, mad.

When I call him, he acts like I am bothering him. Then when I don't call him, he calls me and says "I miss you, you know you can call me, I want to work on this." Underneath it all he is a good person, but I really think he is screwed up mentally. He is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He needs to stop working 12-hour, 6-day weeks...and he needs professional help. He is running himself into the ground and I guess he just wants to do it alone and not have anybody try and save him.

During the screaming I said "why are you playing with me if you have no intention of getting back together" and he said "What makes you think I don't want to get back together?"

I think he is Ozzy Osbourne!!

I am just trying to use every ounce of strength I have, and NOT CALL HIM. Wait and see how long it takes him. I still have a lot of his stuff (which he was too lazy to remove from our storage).

Sometimes I think that he is fully aware he's a screw-up, and doesn't think he deserves anyone to help him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

He works night shift now (which is a big problem for me) and he actually applied for another job because he says "my working days is the only way we have a chance."

He hasn't moved on...he is in limbo...he wants to be able to live on his own, but he can't.

Hi straycat

Forgive me for even suggesting this but when I read this a HUGE flag poped up

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> On Monday, we had a pleasant dinner and watched TV. The day before he had asked me if I wanted to go with him to visit his family this summer...even offered to buy me a plane ticket. So on Monday I asked what day he planned to depart, because I was checking my schedule...and he said "why, are you driving me to the airport?" I said uh, no you invited me...and he denied it!! What?!?!?! We had a blow-up and have not talked since. I alternate between MAD and SAD but so far have not caved in to call him.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok I had a long relationship before M with a guy that was like that and after I finished it I found out the guy was in drugs... His behavior is not that sane or stable to me... and again just keep your eyes opened if u decide to stay with him... might worth checking...

Take care

Thanks for your reply, Matilde.

I honestly don't think he is on drugs. He works in a hospital, and works so damn much (minimum 60 hours per week) I don't think he would make it through without being caught. Also, he cannot afford it. But I guess it is always a possibility.

My mom actually thinks there is something physically wrong with him, and that he needs to go get a physical. I am trying to convince her to call him next week (if I don't hear from him). He is just running himself into the ground...his way of hiding from life.

Still no call from him...and I am doing my best not to call. He may even be thinking "uh oh, now I really did it...she is pissed." I was very very angry when he left.