You guys warned me, on Friday I got papers that I am getting charged with harrassement charges by communication from my husbands gf. Anyone know of a lawyer or a lawyer on here?

goldielocks109,

Could you recap what specifically you did that she is filing charges about? Or put a link to the thread(s) that discuss it?

Tell me, has this woman ever bothered or harrassed you?

Goldi,

I had a similar threat given to me. I met it head on and went to the police to check out her potential claim. After speaking to the police in 2 different cities and a few other valued opinions in similar fields, I was able to ascertain that her threats of harrassment was just that. With that knowledge and knowing that what I had said or done was NOT going to be viewed by any authority (I sent her a few e-mails, 1 letter and a few phone calls), I told her to go ahead. I informed the police in her city, mine and my HR dept. I was told it is better to head those kinds of threats off the deflate her threat balloon.

Can you do similar?

L.

Goldie,,,

come on you know I am dieing here....!!!!!!!!!!

Are you OK....

I promise we will help you through this the best we can....

People here just want you to feel safe and in control...
even me Goldie..perhaps your toughest critic...

ARK

Her phone was tapped when I called through the phone company, but I can bet they have nothing tapped on what she said in the beginning to me to get me started. I remember it was the day of the hearing for child support and my husband didn't show, so I called to tell him what happened and she wouldn't put him on the phone. I'm doing ok, but scared, I don't want to go to jail. I have not been calling my husband and I don't think he likes it very much. Not even when he is at work. He tells me to have the kids call there, but they don't. They don't want to see or call him and now he is threatening again to take them off me because I won't let them see him. I told him I am not keeping them away from him, he has to understand they can not be with him and her until we are divorced. Is that not fair to say?

If her only evidence is one phone call, I can't imagine it would stick as a harassment charge. I thought that for it to be harassment the "victim" had to make it clear they didn't want to be contacted, and there must be a pattern. I'm not a lawyer, but that's my impression of it. You can check your state laws to find their definition.

Oh -- I had to send you a reply! OW hit me with a harassment order, and I deserved it. (Feb 6, 2003)

It was a turning point for me. I had to turn my focus away from Sophia. Everyone told me from the beginning -- "There are 200,000 Sophias ... in the Twin Cities!" A harassment order is civil, not criminal. That means you don't go to jail unless you violate it. You have several choices. I chose to deny the allegations but accept the order. That's it. I am not to contact her or anyone associated with her for two years. Fine. I don't want to contact her. I need to deal with my husband. If he is still fooling around with her, then the problem I have is with him, not with her.

I was totally focussed on Sophia, I think because I couldn't face that Tom betrayed me: it was Tom who broke our marriage vows, no matter how enticing and persistent and aggressive Sophia was. It doesn't matter how terrible a wife I was, or how wonderful she was, or how he wandered into a friendship thinking he could handle the relationship. The fact is that he chose to continue contact after her proposition, regardless of his integrity, my feelings, his four children, etc.

I would recommend you go to the courtroom before your hearing date and simply observe. That will help you understand your options and that this isn't a big deal. IMHO, I learned a valuable lesson at minimal cost.

In the fifteen months since the affair came to light, I have gone from blaming Sophia as the "whore" and being depressed that I couldn't meet Tom's needs as much as she could to realizing that what really matters is that Tom was willing to have an affair. Of course, there are people out there who may appear to be a better match for him, just like there are people out there who may be a better match for me. I kept to my marriage vows, and he didn't. Simple as that.

Good luck and calm down. You have bigger fish to fry than dealing with a harassment order. You have a H who left you. Don't worry about the OW being upset with you. She is irrelevant. And, by the way, the judge was somewhat amused by the situation. She said, upon reading the allegations, "I am speculating that there is a man in the middle. Please deal with the man in the middle and not with each other." I kept my mouth shut. I think the judge has encountered plenty of harassment orders between BSs and OPs. Sophia could have her moment of triumph. I have made a lot of progress in the last six months because I have changed my focus to myself and what I can do with the fact that Tom was willing to have an affair.

Hi Goldie,

I had to file an Anti-harassment order on OW. So I somewhat know what happens, except from the other side of things. So here's the deal:

They first serve you with a temp order of protection from you contacting her in any way. Then you two go to court, you have the right to face your acuser. If you're a no-show, you lose by default.

She offers her evidence and MUST prove a repetitive pattern of harassment. (in my case the OW was warned again and again, but ignored the warning - she even said stuff on my ans machine that she wasn't gonna stop calling me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ).

The judge questioned her before any evidence was played and she admitted to the alligations.

Once the judge makes the judgment, and if he deems a AHO is warranted, he then decrees an order of no contact of any shape or form. It's normally termed for a year's time, although if severe enough can be set indefinitely.

If the AHO is not adhered to and you violate it, you can be incarcerated for 90 days or better (this is what makes this order different from a restraining order), judge's call. At least that's what the judge told OW.

Hope this helps. Good luck to you.

Jo

<small>[ July 23, 2003, 11:11 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

So I guess i can go to jail at this hearing? I don't give a crap about my husband anymore. I a sick of everything going on. I want it over with their games.. I am a better person than them. I now realize that.

goldielocks109,

Could you be more specific ?. Does OW has wire tap court order ?. Is this your first hearing and you never get RO from the court ? Do you live in US ?

-rh-

It was through the phone company. This is the 1st time. I do not and plan not ever calling that house again, not even for my husband. If he wants to talk to the kids he can call here. I live in Pa, usa

No, no, no, Goldie.

You can only go to jail "if" and only "if" the AHO is ordered against you and then you violate it. And even then, the judge decides if it's severe enough to incarcerate you or fine you. His call.

Your status so far, as I understand it from reading here, is you have yet to even go to court for the permanent order. All you have right now is probably a temporary protection order on you.

Just do what the courts say and be honest about any interaction with the OW.

Personally, it sounds to me as though there isn't enough significant evidence to prove a "pattern" of harassment. JMVHO.....

Please try not to worry, Hon.

Jo

<small>[ July 23, 2003, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

I am worrying anyway, is this something he can use to get the kids full time? I also heard they picked up my husbands truck for not making payments so I am sure I will hear from him sometime today. He wanted me to pay for it, because he says they are taking too much out of his pay for child support. I guess it's going to get alot worse before it gets better. But you know what I think I am finally getting over him and that I am better off with out him.

I am worrying anyway, is this something he can use to get the kids full time? I also heard they picked up my husbands truck for not making payments so I am sure I will hear from him sometime today. He wanted me to pay for it, because he says they are taking too much out of his pay for child support. I guess it's going to get alot worse before it gets better. But you know what I think I am finally getting over him and that I am better off with out him.

I am worrying anyway, is this something he can use to get the kids full time? I also heard they picked up my husbands truck for not making payments so I am sure I will hear from him sometime today. He wanted me to pay for it, because he says they are taking too much out of his pay for child support. I guess it's going to get alot worse before it gets better. But you know what I think I am finally getting over him and that I am better off with out him.

<small>[ July 23, 2003, 12:24 PM: Message edited by: goldielocks109 ]</small>

Okay Goldie,

Since there is a possible custody battle for your children in the furture, and because OW has gone legal on you regarding harassment, I would suggest you retain an attorney.

I really don't know that your H can use an AHO as evidence when seeking custody of your children, but to be sure and to get professional legal advice as to your rights in this situation I would definitely at a minimum seek legal advice. You can always go to legal aide if only to get info on this particular situation so you know what can or can't happen.

Know your rights and protect yourself and your children's financial well being throughout this entire crappy infidelity situation, Hon. That is a GOLDEN Rule of Thumb.

Please take good care.

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ July 23, 2003, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Goldie,
please make and take as many steps as possible to get in control of the things you can...

correct me if I am wrong but did you and the babysitter not press charges against her and him for being in your home while you were out and threatening the babysitter with bodily harm...

And isn't this the woman that lost custody of her own children.

and he just lost his truck...

not parent material right now...

BUT you have to do everything in your power to be parent material as well...

Make sure you screen all phone calls..let the answering machine get them.

document any and all contact they iniate. Have witnesses/ friends present when able to...keep all interactions on your side civil

BE SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

did you hide the birthcerticficates some place new and safe incase they attempt to take them to canada...

The children can call that number anytime they want...do not power struggle with the lies and reasons for not talking just document what they say.

All official contact should only be through him at work..that's actually a really good idea...

take your energy out of worrying about A THING they do....
they will spin themselves out of control...

No argueing with them..no emotional outbursts...
NO calling his family unless it's for the children...

seriously didn't you back the babysitter in pressing charges against them???

Goldie Goldie Goldie...
remove yourself from their chaos...
you are gonna be fine...
ARK

VERY sound advice from Ark^^, Goldie.

And, if I might add. Start a journal/ledger specifically for keeping track of all interaction/incidents involving OW/WH and/or children.

Place dates, times in the ledger and be diligent in your record keeping, so IF things come to litigation, you have a record. It will really weigh strongly in your favor in terms of the courts/custody.

Best to you, and hang in there Goldie ... most of us here have seen all sorts of emotionally charged upheavel regarding Infidelity, it's the nature of the beast and most devistating.

Love,
Jo

<small>[ July 23, 2003, 03:07 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Goldie,

1. Not to worry, You won't go to jail b/c she filed RO on you.
2. Unless there is a threat that you make against her that phone tap is uselss in the court. It is not legal !. (Do I hear 1st time caller ... LOL !!!)
3. You know what ... sit back relax a bit !. Your WH's world is falling ... OW's also in it. They "try" to blame it on you.

Listen carefully ... YOU HAVE TO have a JOURNAL TIME/DATE/EVENT/Witness or prove of any interactions. Stay away from them and has no direct contact.

A is falling and they blame it on you. If you stay clear they will blame it on each other ... I saw it happen in my ExW & OM.

-rh-

At one point in my divorce...years and years ago...my XH filed for custody of our children. I got all my ducks in a row...he dropped the case.

Now for some of the "ducks":

Prove that your children are well cared for when you are at work, babysitter, daycare, whatever. Make sure they are willing to be a witness if called.

Document medical and dental care. Records are admissable.

Show that if school age, that they have gone to school on a regular bases. Teachers make great witness...you have to pay for the sub. usually, tho. I know it's summer and they are out of school, but if you were separated during school year, keep this one in mind. As teachers see our children on a weekday daily bases and are wonderful at telling judges if the children are adjusting well and how they are cared for.

Check with neighbors who are willing to be witness that you are a hands on mom. Even family, but this doesn't carry as much weigh.

It still is a woman's world when faced with child custody...most men don't get full custody unless the mom can be shown to have done something harmful to their children. (Joint custody is becoming much more the norm which I think is great.) Men don't beat me up on this one...I know that fathers are just as important as moms...but the court hasn't caught up with that mindset yet. Just ask the men who should have custody of their children.

Most threats of "I'm going to get the kids!" is an empty threat. I do NOT know your situation, but if he's been out of the house, living with OW and has limited amount of contact with his children...he AND the OW likely are not all that excited about taking on the responsiblity that children would bring into their relationship. But it's a great threat to you, I know...just look at it from his POV...he's still trying to control you...and this is his weapon of choice. JMHO

As for the harrassement charges, it shouldn't be any problem. The most that should happen is a RO which will place restrictions on WH and OW as much as on you...so might not be a bad thing. (They do bite both ways.)