Well things are going okay between WH and I at least so far this week. We had a really good weekend went on two outings with the kids spent some time alone at his "spot" and really talked. If things seem to be going okay why do I feel frustrated? I mean I have been patient and I read some of tbe other posts where some of you have been waiting and plan A'ing well over a year or more. I don't think I can do that. Frankly I think he needs to make a decision because I'm sick of being in limbo or I will need to make one for him. Yesterday I told him that I went to see my counselor and he ask me how it went I said okay his next question was did you tell him we slet together I said yes, I told him we were intimate, his reply was I wish you wouldn't tell him that. Why would he say that? I just read something that Lexxxy posted on someones thread about her H annoying her when they have a good day, why can't it just be a good day why must we BS's expect something else? I just can't understand this. Maybe it's because we expect more of our spouses. Maybe it's because we are the ones that still love our WS's and are willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriages why our WS's are having the A or the friendships or need their space. Sorry this is not intended to offend anyone I'm just venting. I'm tired of the B******* and just want my life to either move forward with or without my H. I feel as though I need to make some decisions because I hate feeling like I'm waiting for him to make one for our lives.<BR>cybil

Hi cybil, its funny you should write a post like this today because, I e-mailed my WH today (he is living at home ,but I find it easier sometimes to write my thoughts down) anyway I was telling him that I am tired of living in limbo its been over a year now, (I only found out about A 1 month ago and found MB around the same time) I have been doing everything in my power during the past 14 months, I was Plan A and didn't even know what it was until now. I basically told him that I am moving on with or without him. you see I lost a good friend yesterday to cancer and it made me realize that life is so short and I can no longer wait for him to make a decsion, I want to be happy again. I would love to rebuild my marriage but he shows no interest at all. So I guess I am planB. I am letting go he is free I have decided to detach for him emotionally also, unless he gives me reason not to, Some of you may think I am wrong but I feel I am doing the right thing for me, my friend dying yesterday was a sign for me to move on. thanks for listening Sally P.S. I will still keep posting and probably venting and maybe help someone also.

Cybil and Sad Sally---I have been thinking the same things lately, too. Do you think it is the devil trying to make us give up??? I get so frustrated, and mad at the situation,too, but am trying to hang on....remember don't give up --- 5 minutes before the miracle!!!! My thoughts only! Hugs to you both!<P>Krystal

Hi Faith N Him, I don't know what it is, but I am tired and worn out. I have done everything over this past year to make my marriage work he just doesn't want to, I can't fight no more. Maybe if I let go, I mean really let go he will see what he is giving up,by then it may be to late I may not want him back. Anyway you keep fighting and be strong miracles do happen!!! Hugs to you to Sally

I feel the same way sometimes. My husband left a little over a month ago and as far as we got is going to counseling last week. He told the counselor he is there because he is confused and maybe counseling will help him make up his mind if he wants to come back or not. I'm there because I want this marriage to work. Seems like we are there for 2 different reasons. Our problems have nothing to do with OM or OW, we argue alot and he couldn't take it anymore. We don't do anything together and he only come by once a week to get his money. So I'm in limbo too wondering what decision my husband is going to make and sometime I just want to say the heck with it and end everything. But I keep praying to God that he brings us back together and keeps me strong through all of this. So you are definately not alone. Keep your chin up, I know its hard but I keep a positive outlook that its going to be well worth the wait.

Sad Sally---<P>When you are so tired, just give it up to the Lord----rest in Him. I have been there. My H has not lived with us since Nov. 2000, but things are looking up. Matter of fact, he is on his way home as we speak. He lives in a town 120 miles from here. He is just coming home for the night to see kids (and me?)!!!! I think if we all keep the faith then we all will prevail. Try not to get discouraged (I know it is hard)! We are all in this together! take care, and rest.............<P>Krystal

Thanks Faith N Him, Thanks for your kind words they help so much.I am happy things are looking up for you. I will give it up to the lord, because I am weak and cannot take much more, and I will get some rest thank you Soft Hugs sally

SadSally, FaithnHim, ela611 thanks for your replies. I was and still am a little frustrated about everything. I went out with a girlfriend for a little while tonight and H came by to stay with the kids we have been getting along so far this week. Hopefully that continues. Sometimes he makes me so mad and I'm really trying not to LB. Sometimes I feel like a kid on grounding tryng not to LB cause if I do I'll be punished longer. I'm still hanging on but not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. It's getting really old!<BR>cybil

Hi Cybil, <P>I replied a couple of days ago on your weekend post and I think I replied to you on my post of "encouraging words..."<P>I think I know exactly where you are and how you feel. After my W (WS) left, it was very difficult and I worked very hard to get her back. I thought it would be a few weeks but no more. When it developed into a month, two months, three months the real frustration began to set in. <P>We began to settle into some sort of routine. She was confused, and while she said she still loved me, she wasn't ready to commit to "us." She said she had to "get there, to get to the same place I was at." <P>I guess I learned a couple of things.<P>1. I could not MAKE her commit. <P>2. If she wasn't willing to commit to me I did not want her to come home. She needed to be ready to move forward.<P>It was difficult to live in what I told her was "limbo land" not really together not really permanently separated. <P>I guess what got me thru that (and I should say we are back living together and taking the first tentative steps toward recovery) was to take the approach of one day at a time. I know that sounds simple but it's not. And sometimes it meant taking things one 15 minute segment at a time. Just trying to get through a few minutes then the next few minutes and so on. It was hard and I am hoping it was worth it. We will continue this approach in recovery, although we are now talking about future events together.<P>I guess my point is this:<P>We all have different breaking points. I did not reach mine and I don't know how far I was away from it. You have to decide how much you can handle. But I know I managed more than I ever thought I could by focussing on a little bit at a time. It is hard, very hard, but worth it if you think there is any hope for the relationship and ONLY if you are willing to give it your all.<P>I hope this makes sense and helps a little.<P>Best of luck <P>E <BR>

Double post, sorry...<p>[This message has been edited by Elad (edited August 30, 2001).]