Okay for the past few weeks my WH and I have gotten in some of disagreement every Thursday. We have been getting alonggreat this week no LB's no arguments since last Thurs. Tonight I called him because he had a big meeting at work today and I know he was really anxious about it and I wanted to call and see how things went. First he didn't answer his phone and then he called back and ask if I had called and I ask where he was and he said in my car I said are youjust getting off and he said no I'm on my way to a dinner at this restaurant. one of the supervisors is leaving and I guess there having a dinner for her anyway I said oh great i was going to go to the gym tonight and needed to know if he could pick the kids up from practice. he started yelling at me that I went out last night and he has plans too. Well, hello maybe he should have let me know that he was doing this I had no idea. I said fine you go have a good time with your co-workers and OW (she worksthere to) and he said something back and I hung up on him then calling him back telling him that he could have at least had the courtesy to call me and let me know he was going. Is this asking for to much? he said get a babysitter in a nasty tone I preceded to tell him to F off and hung up. I know it was wrong but I just opened my mouth and it came out why did I even bother to call him. My friend works at the restaurant that he's at and she called to tell me that my h was there told me she'd call me later and let me know what happened. I have never seen the OW (I mean married tramp) oops did I really type that! do I have any reason to be mad or feel hurt and angry? Now I know exactly what he'll say. See, you haven't changed you need to get over this OW thing. I am so tiredof this S***! He obviously knew that there was a dinner it wasn't as thouhe just found out about it and we talk everyday so why didn't he just say listen Thurs. night I have plans? It would have been that simple. I hate this! I hate feeling like he has control of our destiny.Why can't I just,move on and say too late you waited to long I loved you,cared about you, you made a fool of me and our family and I won't be played anymore. He use to callthe kids everyday now he doesn't even do that. Is the fog that thick that you even put your children on the back burner? I'm so mad right now. Am I wrong in thinking that if they don't tell us something and we find out on our own that it's a lie? I have finally realized that WS's are really good liars and they continue to come up with them. I guess they think we are really stupid. I know this is long I just really needed to vent!<BR>cybil

Hi cybil, I know exactly how you are feeling, if you read my previous posts I am having all the same feelings. It sucks I know. I have decided to detach from my WH for the same reasons you are posting about I can't take it anymore. It does seem like he is control of our destiny that's bull sh**. I know how hard it is not to LB, but sometimes you can't help I know I have the same problems. Theres so much anger inside us BS, that sometimes it comes out, I mean we are only human. How much sh*t are we supposed to but up with???? Sorry I couldn't give you much advice, just wanted to let you know I am in the same place you are, and I am sending Hugs and prays Love Sally

Disconnect your telephone every Thursday??!! <P>Seriously though - the anger and the frustration and the pain are tough things to deal with. The biggest problem is that they are such destructive emotions to keep inside you that you HAVE to let them out somehow or they will eat away at your own soul and you don't want that to happen! Yes, you DO have to release them - but you have to find a substitute target, which is easier said than done sometimes. For me it was my journals - I had two of them during the worst phases of my husbands affair. My 'black book' was a place to vent, to cuss and swear, to yell and scream and invent terrible punishments for both WH and OW. I just wrote and wrote until I was exhausted, and the anger and pain had subsided again. I'm going to burn that journal eventually - if anyone reads it, they'll have me committed for sure LOL! My second journal was totally different - I used this one to write down everything positive that I felt. The little things that had made me smile, the little things that I was thankful for, or had given me some pleasure....anything I could think of, from being thankful that washing machines had been invented, to writing about watching a beautiful sunset. It may work for you too - or you may have to experiment to find out what gets the anger out of your system best - working out at the gym, running, punching your pillow, locking yourself in the bathroom and screaming as loudly as you can, putting the stereo on really loud and singing the anger out (Alanis Morrissette has some particularly good 'angry songs' to sing along to). Vent here - vent to a friend - anyone and anything, but NOT your husband. If you feel the anger coming on, and you can't hold it in any longer, then simply put the 'phone down, or walk away. Just say "I'm sorry but I just can't deal with this right now" and leave - Immediately. Go and scream at a tree instead (the neighbours will think you're crazy, but who cares!). <P>Good luck, Paint