Well after the episode last night with WH wasn't sure what today would bring. He came over around 3:00 so that we could take the kids shopping for back to school stuff. We had a great day. We shopped went out for dinner H hung out here we played cards laughed of course ended up in bed together. I don't know why I continue to let that happen. Yes, I do because I feel close to him. We talked for awhile about him being confused and he told me he definitely was not confused he just doesn't want to be here right now. He likes his space and he likes spending time with the kids and me. Will he ever come home he doesn't know. When I ask him is he leaning more toward one way or the other he said no. I really think he was being honest with me. He also said that when I do stupid things to piss him off or LB ( of course he didn't use that term) I push him away further. He can't make me any promises about the future because he doesn't know about our future. He said whether things work out or not only time will tell. We also discussed what committed means to both of us. I told him that I am still committed to him and our marriage and I would never go out on a date with anyone until our marriage was over. He said the same thing he said he has been asked to go out for a drink and he declined. I know for a fact the guys at work try to get him to go out with them on Fri. nights and he always says no because he is usually here with the kids and I. He says he knows that this situation is really difficult for me right now but he is not ready to come home. He said no matter what happens he loves me, cares about me, and will always me there for me and the kids. Immediately I said it sounds as though you have your mind made up and he said no I didn't say that so please don't read into the things I say. He even commented on how how nice I was today and yesterday I was over the edge I told him I can't explain my emotions. We had a really good day and he called me when he got back to his "spot". Tomorrow we will be together for awhile because our kids have their first football game. He told me to call him in the morning. We talked about possibly going to the movies tomorrow night but nothing is definite. I told him I loved him and he said I love you too. I will take today for what it was a good day and nothing more. Thanks for letting me share. <BR>cybil

cybil,<P>right on!<P>you know he is learning or trying to learn a new way to be with you.<P>just as you are trying to be different with him, he is learning how to be different with you.. its hard to believe that when youve given up all hope that someone loves you and you turn your heart away and then oh all of a sudden you matter well be patient cybil for just a moment think of how your feeling right now and imagine how your H felt while he believed you didnt give a rat a$$ and how long he thinks he lived with that.<P>if you can allow the time to recreate your relationship, and let go of what was for what is.. you've got gold!<P>

Exactly what you need to be doing! Making good times, Good impressions as opposed to the pushy OW! That is what I did. H has been back over two years. I still am dealing with alot of issues concerning what he did, but we are getting better every day. Funny thing, I followed plan A without even knowing then about it, IT WORKS! Learn to be you again, the person you lost in all this, but it sounds to me like you are doing just that! Good job, my hopes and prayers are with you.

My H is the same way - At counseling he said he is confused and doesn't know if he wants to come back or not. He said he likes his freedom right now. I never stopped him from doing anything before and after being together for a total of almost 8 years, he finds that out now. We just had a lot of problems in our marriage that were always pushed aside and never resolved. We didn't know how to communicate and we argued alot. He came over on Friday because we were suppose to go out on a date night as suggested by the therapist but we couldn't go. So we made plans for Tuesday night. This is actually the first step my H has taken since he left on July 24. We also had a good conversation Friday night (something we never have). He even gave me a hug when he was leaving (something else I haven't gotten since he left). He said that he wants to continue with counseling and is looking at the positive of all of this and will be back but just not right now. He's not sure when he is coming back. So I'm just taking things one day at a time and hope and pray that he is going to be guided back home to our marriage. Right now I am working on myself and the problems I have. Before if my husband would make plans to go out with me and then call and say he couldn't, I would flip out at him. Now, I just calmly say, that's fine, do what you have to do, there are always other days we can do something. This, in my opinion is showing him that I am changing my ways and working on myself.<P>Good Luck to you.

Thanks for the replies chaz,cherise,ela611. chaz you are right I never thought about it that way. Yesterday I made a comment to my H that when we are out if I grab onto his arm or try to hold his hand he sometimes pulls away and I said it seems like you are uncomfortable. He said he is uncomfortable because I've never acted that way before. I know I have shown him affection maybe just not that often. He says he's not use to me givng him this much affection and attention. I will keep working on me and my marriage. I have to learn to be patient and be consistent.<BR>cybil