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#3003142 03/11/18 05:56 PM
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 1
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Joined: Mar 2018
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I have been married for almost 18 years. Prior to my marriage I had been in a severely abusive relationship with a man who had children. When he would get nasty I would make myself the target by either physically or verbally interceding so he would focus his rage on me and not the kids.

My current husband tends to respond to unexpected problems very aggressively, particularly when it comes to our kids (yelling for minor things such as forgetting a chore, etc.) I should mention he is 6'2" and this makes him pretty intimidating when angry. I have tried asking him to count to 10, take a breath, and several other strategies to not let things escalate, but it's getting worse. This is taking a toll on our relationship and we have not been intimate for almost two months. Our oldest, in her twenties, has recently moved out and started a new job, but expressed her concern about her dad's temper. My oldest boy, 16, tends to work very hard at avoiding conflict and will usually retreat to his room when his dad gets upset. My youngest,10, is very contradictory with his father and will regularly argue and "pick a fight".

In the last few months as these incidents have become more frequent, I have found myself implementing the same coping strategy I used to use in by abusive relationship.

Yesterday, my son (age 10), dropped a bowl of food on the floor, breaking the bowl and making a mess everywhere. I came into the kitchen to find my husband screaming at my child, yelling at him to slow down and pay attention. My son was trapped in the corner of the kitchen surrounded by broken crockery looking terrified and crying. I told my husband to stop, and when he didn't, I cursed at him. A huge argument ensued and when the dust settled, I attempted to speak to him about what had happened.

I told him he scared me and I reacted out of fear. I apologised for speaking to him that way. His response was to tell me there was nothing to talk about, that he can't believe I would speak to him like that and there is nothing more to say. It has been a full day since the blow up and he still hasn't spoken to me.

I realise that the way I handled things was wrong, I feel like things are completely out of control and have no idea how to get them back on track. It feels less like my husband and I are married and more like we are just living in the same house paying bills and providing care for our children.

Where do I even start to put things back together?

Joined: Nov 2010
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
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Welcome to MB. Dr. Harley would recommend for you to separate until your H gets his anger under control. He needs to get into anger management.

Here is where Dr. Harley talks about it, listen to the radio clips as well.

What to do With an Angry Husband


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.




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