hi, i want a divorce, i care about her, i feel sad for her, i just dont feel like i want or can trust her.

her 3rd marriage, my first, we are in out late 40's. married two years, separated for most of that. we've reconciled, broken up reconciled, broken up. its me. a lot is financial. both work, good incomes, but from the get go, i never felt she had skin in the game. not to make her out to be the devil, sweet kind fun great chemistry between us but i cant get past some things, statements and actions regarding finances. i'm no saint here, ive said some mean things.
she comes across as possessive, needy, clingy, passive aggressive at times.

now the latest thing is just...

i dont know, i'm a little nervous honestly at this point.

so she would get annoyed if a family member called me and i spoke "too long" (dont know what that is 15 min?)

she would say "i dont wear sweaters in my house" when i paid the electric bill, now that she has her own bill, sweatshirts and warm clothes are fine.

she "doesnt do broadcast" we need HBO.

so back to the latest episode. she believes my sister is using black magic and spells on me to break us up in order to "be with me". she has "people" working on me to break the spell and for us to get back together.

delusional.

omg

has anyone else been in a situation with "delusional" or "cra-cra" partner?

Can you be specific on what has happened to cause this separation? Your post is very unclear. For example "i never felt she had skin in the game" doesn't tell us what is going on.


Did you stop doing things that annoy her? I know if I do something that annoys my husband, I stop doing it because I don't want to annoy him. How did you handle her annoyances?

Welcome to MB.

It's not clear whether you are looking for advice, and if so, about what. Why are you seeking help?

by "skin in the game", i meant contributions to household finances. while we didnt share bank accounts, i would ask for some help with rent, her reply was "a husband should support his wife." i would expect some contribution, but i paid rent and utilities, grocery or night out. so with that, and requests to be added to deed of (pre-marital) investment property, i began to feel like i'm being used a paycheck. again, loop back to her stance on the winter electric, fine to not dress warm when bill in my name, quite the opposite when in her name.

so, why didnt you share accounts, you may ask...

well, i had evidence at the time of her giving bank card info over the phone to one of her "psychic friends". while she denied it, i know what i heard and now, she tells me "her friends" have confirmed the black magic hooey spell craziness.

did i stop doing things which annoyed her, like not taking call from family? uh no. phone call comes in, ill take it, not during dinner or such, dinner prep or so, sure. didnt happen every day.

did she stop annoying me - no, me: "going to gym", - her: "what you going to meet your girlfriend?"

guess i'm looking for advice on how to deal with crazy obsessive partner, who believes we are "twin flames" "soulmates" and meant to be together and believes i've been placed under a spell which is the only reason i dont want to be married to her.

do i tell her she's nucking futs leave me alone or is there some other way to handle this?

(bit nervous about getting together- unless in public - maybe)

No that's verbal abuse and is going to make you look like a crazy, unreasonable person.

So a disrespectful judgement is when our partners try to psychoanayse us or tell us how we feel.

When she says you're possessed, she's using a disrespectful judgement to explain your (frankly, unreasonable) behaviour, but at least she's trying to absolve you of blame.

Your disrespectful judgements of her are somewhat harsher and would personally have me calling a divorce lawyer.



Honestly you sound a little possessed. Look up 'lovebusters' particularly disrespectful judgements on this site which will help you complain and negotiate in a reasonable voice. Until you learn to communicate without DJs, women will have two reactions to you 1) outright dismissal or 2) attempts to explain you in a not-his-fault way such 'its his upbringing' or what you have currently going on.

So you're actually attracting DJ partners.

On top of that you arent willing to respond to simple complaints from your partner. Most people will want input on how long their partner spends at the gym, or if they go at all and I can't think of anything more annoying than my partner setting up a phone hotline in my home I have no say in.

So my advice to you is independence is a perfectly fine lifestyle, if you're not able to accommodate the preferences of others maybe just don't get married?

If you free your wife she'll also be more able to find someone whos ok with meeting her need for financial support.

Do you know why she got divorced before? Have you ever spoken to her ex husbands to find out what happened?

There are so many problems here that one hardly knows where to begin. It doesn't seem like either of you are marriage material and went into this with absolutely no planning or forethought on how you would merge your lives. You are both very disrespectful and seem unwilling to create a compatible lifestyle. That is a death knell for any marriage.

Did you have any discussion about finances before marriage? Did you know she was a follower of the occult?

How did you meet her?

have not spoken to them, she told me they cheated on her.


met online, disregarded red flag when she told me "i has john adams in a past life and she was my wife", didnt think much of her reiki training at the time, but some say that is occult.

yeah, this was a rush, my mistake -thought she was pregnant - whole other story of her insisting she was pregnant - even with three docs stating not so - "it's a cryptic pregnancy "- "hidden fetus" - she refused to see any medical docs at my insistence - very intense time - (then there was a time with a phone psychic and bath "ritual" where alien abduction of baby was talked about)

Since you are not asking for advice on how to save the marriage, I would suggest you get divorced and move on from this train wreck.

For future reference, I would put more thought and care into your marriage partner selection. You seem very set in your ways [normal for people who wait to get married until later] which makes it harder to create a compatible marriage. Compatibility does not come by fairy magic but in the ability to negotiate. [aside from MAJOR conflicts like world views and cultural backgrounds] Here are some good articles about choosing the right one to marry: Preparing for Marriage

Sounds to me like she tricked you into marrying her. You could have bought a home pregnancy test and got the results yourself.

What do your female relatives say about her?


Say what?? You married someone who believes in alien abduction of a baby? C'mon, you are pulling our leg!

]
You say that you married her because she thought she was pregnant, but you knew she was not pregnant despite what she said. How do you explain that discrepancy?

not making this up. (alien abduction of a baby NEVER came up before marriage - this is all after the fact)

they say she's crazy

didnt know that before hand.

it was implied, docs came into pic afterwards, she went without me once, i insisted she not go alone next time and get 2nd opinion.

yes. divorce and move on.


just looking for advice on how to handle her in this situation -

Gotcha, hopefully you learn from this experience and use better judgement in the future. Its obvious she tricked you. Your female relatives are correct and you need to get out of this marriage before she causes permanent damage to your finances, etc. The longer you wait, the more opportunity she has to harm you.

Hire an attorney and let him handle her. Block her calls and change your locks.

Are you currently living with her now?

no, not living with her.

call blocked.



came by the other day ringing the bell, did not answer.

(she's a very bright women, advanced degree - which seems out of whack to be calling psychics)

Do you have a lawyer?

If you are planning to divorce her, and you are not living together, why do you need to "handle her"?

ignore her behaviour and proceed with the divorce. Surely that's all you need to do.