Yeah it does feel like it�s an addiction for her. That�s really the only way I know how to describe it. I mean I don�t even want to pretend to know what goes on in someone else�s mind. But she was living with this guy almost immediately after she filed for divorce. That�s just mind boggling to me.

I got the whole I love you but not in love with you speech. The whole I�ve lost who I am speech. Wanting to see what life without me will be like speech. All of them. How she was unhappy for months, even though we were looking at houses to buy two weeks before all this happened. Not once did she ever say anything about being unhappy. She wasn�t distant with me, we were still having sex on a regular basis, still talking like we normally talked. All of it was just way out of nowhere.

Then 10 days after I get the whole I love you but not in love with you, she files. 10 freaking days to process that the life I knew and the woman I loved was gone.

I can�t even begin to describe the levels of hurt and betrayal I feel.

But what�s done is done I guess, and no matter how much I wish all of this would be undone, it�s not gonna happen.

Like LMH said don't forget to sleep. Fill your time as best you can but make it meaningful and productive. Don't let yourself get bogged down. Easier said than done trust me.
But those alone times are tough. I started working and staying late more but since my mind wasn't engaged in it like I used to be I started worked out more and spent more time with family and friends, started a couple hobbies, doing things for me I put off.
It's extremely hard but again make sure your doing anything to make a better you don't start making bad decisions and lose yourself.

Well just an update. My ex wife has started posting pictures of them together on social media, I just found this out from a friend since I�m blocked.

Seems like me exposing the affair to everyone I know and her mother did nothing to kill it.

Well I guess it�s official, my wife doesn�t feel bad nor care about what she�s done. Her actions have finally shown me that.

I guess it�s time for even more detaching.

In an active affair, your WW is not going to feel bad or have remorse. Even in some recovered marriages, some wives who have had affairs do not feel remorse. So it is futile for you to focus on her feelings of remorse.

I think you are getting excellent advice to move on. You are very young and had a short marriage with no children. You are officially divorced with no opportunity to woo your wife back since she has divorced and cut off all contact with you. Your best option here is to Plan B (cut off all contact with her, this includes asking your friends to stop telling you about her or telling you what she puts on her social media) and move on.

I would encourage you to read the material on this site however. You talk about having anger issues, this is very very bad for relationships and marriage. I would encourage you to read how to have a strong relationship, how to keep romantic love alive and avoid hurting each other. This will be invaluable in helping you choose the right mate next time, and to be the best mate you can be too.

Quick update for you guys, I�m looking for help as well.

Sooo it�s been about 2 months since I�ve last contacted my ex wife. 3 months since I�ve seen her. I was served protection order papers at work last night (the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me).

Upon reading the reasons why she �feels her safety is in danger� are mostly lies. There was 1 thing in the Numerous things she listed that were true. After going no contact and laying low for the past two months, I�ve decided to join the Air Force, my recruiter got in contact with me earlier today telling me that as long as I have a restraining order on me I can�t join. I�m suppose to be going to court next Thursday, planning on speaking to my lawyer Monday.

Is there any way I can sue her for perjury? How hard is it to fight a restraining order? I�m actually at a loss for words that this happened considering how I haven�t contacted her in so long. I thought all this was behind me, but low and behold here comes more [censored] thrown into the fire.


Any advice you guys have?

Bulldawg,

Listen closely. I've been through all you have been through, just like many other people here. I was unbelievably committed to my ex-wife, and the fact that she was narcissistic and selfish in her affair didn't seem to phase me, I wanted her back. I simply couldn't understand or process what happened.

That was 2012, and now I'm super thankful to not be married to her. She has only gotten more narcissistic and selfish. Like you, I tried to do the right thing, I tried to win her back, I tried to meet her needs, but she didn't want me to meet her needs, she wanted to be a renter (you did read Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders as Brainhurts suggested, right?) and I'm a buyer.

If I could go back and tell my former self what I know now, I would say quit wasting time, she will always be looking for another man and lying, hurry up the divorce and move on. Of course I can't tell my former self, but I can tell you, and it would be wise for you to listen.

You don't have any kids with this woman, you can actually walk away and no longer be subject to her choices which are obviously not good for you. I wasn't so lucky, I had to deal with my ex telling my kids that I need to buy them games/motorcycles/trucks, and when I told them they should earn it themselves, she convinced them to live with her, and now I mail her a house payment every month and she is the hero at my expense.

I could write a book on why moving on is the right choice, but if you are anything like me, you will struggle to hear it. So I'll tell you what to do:

1. Go read Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders and really think about what a committed person that isn't full of baggage looks like. Your spouse picker is broke, you need to fix it.

2. Get to the gym and work on the best you that you can be. Seriously, you are going to start dating at some point, and you want to be strong and confident, and the gym helps.

3. Learn something new. Pick up a camera and learn photography. Get your pilots license. Run a marathon. Hike the closest mountain.

4. Understand what attractive is. A woman wants a man that can meet her needs, and she is usually attracted to a man that is capable, smart, and knows how to manage himself and take care of those whom he is committed to. If you can offer affection, conversation, be open and honest, along with be someone that people depend on, trust, and look up to, then finding a high quality woman that wants to meet your needs back that you can trust is only a matter of time.

I spent a lot of time working on myself, and had some dating ups and downs, but ultimately met a beautiful, loving, smart lady (she has a doctorate) that actually wants to know me, meets my needs amazingly well, and isn't full of drama or crazy. She is more thoughtful in a single day than my former spouse was for years, and I'm so thankful for her.

You need to stop pinning for a divorced woman that cheated on her husband and is now living with a looser, you need to start setting yourself up for meeting the much nicer/prettier/healthier woman that wants to be your wife.

ak

How was your meeting with your lawyer?

Actually everything went pretty good. We went to court this past Thursday.

It was thrown out. You see I haven�t spoken too or seen my ex wife in almost two months. Once the judge looked at the dates and asked her if I was arrested for any of this and she said no. Then he asked if she called the police during any of this, she said no. He then asked her if I contacted her in any way shape or form since our divorce was finalized, she said no. He then asked her well why are you trying to put a restraining order on your ex husband? She said well he knows I�ve moved in with my current boyfriend, he posted on Facebook so he�s either stalking me or having someone stalk me for him.

The judge then asked me how if I posted that. I said yes. He asked me how I knew that, I said well her own mother told me bc of how ashamed she is in her daughter.

He looked at my ex wife and told her I�m sorry you don�t have a case here I�m going to dismiss this.

It was very satisfying in all honesty. This was the first time throughout this entire process I won anything. I felt bad bc I do care about her, and I didn�t want her to get embarrassed in front of a court room full of people. But she did this all to herself.

Me feeling bad didn�t last long though, someone told me that right after she lost, she made a Facebook status talking about how it�s a shame someone can start rumors and harass someone and not get punished. Typical I lost in court, but I�m still right crap. I really can�t believe how delusional she is.

Maybe this was the first of many bubble bursting for her, but I doubt it. I�m 1,000% convinced she does not feel bad about her affair, even though I posted the screenshot of her admitting it to me via text on social media, she still denies it ever happened. I�m also 1,000% convinced there is no chance in ever fixing our marriage. 1. Bc I no longer have the desire too. 2. Bc she had shown just how petty she will be even when she is in the wrong.

My dad warned me after this, that she will probably try to come back into my life after her relationship with her older man ends, he told me I hope you have enough sense that if she tries to do that put a restraining order on her [censored].

And yes, I did read what you guys posted. I�ve realized that I was with a renter for a long time.

Bravo!!