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Joined: Jul 2018
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When our partner communicates his/her needs, do we take it without questions?
Or is there any worth on researching why that need became a need?
For instance, if I grew up eating sugar excessively, I could potentially claim that I need certain amount of sugar fix a day which would be supported by my moods and how my body feels.
But really the truth is I don't "Need" that much sugar, I was just became so accustomed to having unhealthy amount of sugar that made me think I "Need" that much sugar.
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Joined: Jan 2010
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What is it your wife says she needs?
Debating your wife's needs would usually be seen as a disrespectful judgment, which is a love bank withdrawal. The point is that regardless of why she feels that way, meeting that need for her will make her happy and make a big love bank deposit, which is the way to get her to fall back in love with her and motivate her to meet your needs as well.
Unless the need is something that would actually be bad for your marriage (some people claim a need for adultery, for example), it's usually best to learn to understand how to meet the need in a way you are enthusiastic about.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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When our partner communicates his/her needs, do we take it without questions?
Or is there any worth on researching why that need became a need?
For instance, if I grew up eating sugar excessively, I could potentially claim that I need certain amount of sugar fix a day which would be supported by my moods and how my body feels.
But really the truth is I don't "Need" that much sugar, I was just became so accustomed to having unhealthy amount of sugar that made me think I "Need" that much sugar. It's truly not possible for too many emotional needs to make you unhealthy! It all boils down to whether or not you want your partner addicted to you or not. Unlike sugar, love is a very healthy addiction.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jul 2018
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Thanks for your answers everyone. Really appreciate it.
I wasn�t asking for my wife, I was asking for myself?
I had a traumatic childhood with my parents and many other areas in my life. I�m just analysing why I�m the way I am. I guess I�ve been using sex from early teenage years to kind of numb and escape the difficulties in life. I had sex with just about anyone who gave me attention. I probably slept with over 200 women over the years. One night stands, bouncing from relationship to another rather quickly, etc. I even went so far that I worked in the sex industry and made quite a lot of money from it.
That�s my old life and now I�ve become a born again Christian and married to a wonderful Christian woman.
I�m asking because I found it very hard for me not to get sex everyday. Sometimes we have sex 1-3/week, sometimes once/2 weeks. I feel very rejected by the fact that my wife doesn�t want to have sex with me everyday.
I feel the need of it everyday. It is who I am and I feel robbed by my wife by not giving me sex everyday.
I don�t quite get it. Women used to lust me all the time. I miss being looked at lustflully.
Am I not supposed to get that look and passion from my wife on a daily basis? I�m actually very tempted to have an affair due to the lack of passion in our life.
I have a big need and craving for sex and I think my wife should fulfil that particular need and craving. I mean who else can? I know �God is all I need� but really, He can�t actuallv fulfil that need in the physical - has to be from my wife. Am I right?
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Have you read Dr Harleys articles on getting the sex you need in marriage? You are so in the right place!
From what you say about 'being looked at' I wonder if you actually do want sex every day? Isn't it rather that you want a sexy vibe to be constantly radiating between you and your wife? That atmosphere? The *potential* for sex to be present every day?
This programme can absolutely achieve that. I've seen it happen frequently even where one partner doesn't rate it as a top need.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I�m asking because I found it very hard for me not to get sex everyday. Sometimes we have sex 1-3/week, sometimes once/2 weeks. I feel very rejected by the fact that my wife doesn�t want to have sex with me everyday.
I feel the need of it everyday. So, you don't have a "need" to have it every day. She needs to meet your needs in a way that makes her happy too. How often would she like to have sex? Women need 2 things to desire sex: an emotional attachment to the man and the prospect of enjoyment. If you are not doing a good job of meetng her needs, she won't feel an emotional attachment to you. It takes 15 hours per week of undivided attention to maintain romantic love. How much time do you spend alone - out of the house - with your week every week? I�m actually very tempted to have an affair due to the lack of passion in our life. Let her know this now she can choose to leave the marriage. It is her right to know this. EVen so, you are going about this wrong, wrong way.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2000
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Wanting sex often is a valid Emotional Need.
But demanding it doesn't work.
What frequency would she be happy with?
How can you meet her needs to want her to be intimate with you?
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