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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 23
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 23 |
I stopped posting on the forum to save my marriage May 2017. Since then I have divorced my second husband. I need advice. His "divorce philosophy" is that divorced people should remain friends after their divorce. My "divorce philosophy" is no contact with an ex. Our clashing philosophys over our first spouses after divorce contributed to our divorce.
Here is my problem. He wants me to be friends so we can help each other, even suggested we be friends with benefits. I want "no contact" but I also have to manage his anger. He has a quick temper and quickly verbally abuses those who do not do what he wants. This includes his children, my children, church, friends, and customer service type people. He verbally abuses people when he believes he has been slighted. He uses intimidation to control outcome. I do not fear him, I just don't want the drama.
His post divorce move out of my place has been slow. He still has things here. He knows I want "no contact" but he thinks he can persuade me otherwise, especially if he can maintain reasons why we need each other. Same dance, different partner. I did not file divorce lightly and I want to move on with my life without the drama.
Today he stopped by to tell me he was going out of town. He insisted I check my phone and make sure it was set to ring if he needed to talk to me. After about 15 minutes we both sensed our elevated stress levels and told each other so in a matter of fact way. One of my problems is that if I resist contact he will become angry and seek revenge. he isn't physically abusive, but the verbal abuse can be very harsh. I don't want him to call my landlord, my kids or anyone else that will cause me issues.
I am planning a visit to my counselor, but thought maybe someone here might have advice.
Last edited by brenda777; 02/01/19 09:04 PM.
brenda777
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Welcome back, Brenda. It sounds like you will need to get a restraining order to get him to leave you alone. With the divorce final he's not entitled to store his things with you or see you other than anything that might be specified in the divorce agreement. See an attorney and get that enforced for your peace of mind and your recovery!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 789 Likes: 4
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 789 Likes: 4 |
Does he still have a key?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Welcome back, Brenda. It sounds like you will need to get a restraining order to get him to leave you alone. With the divorce final he's not entitled to store his things with you or see you other than anything that might be specified in the divorce agreement. See an attorney and get that enforced for your peace of mind and your recovery! Bingo!! Your peace of mind is of utmost importance. This comment from your other thread really stood out to me: I took much of this inward and was sick and in pain most of the marriage. Since he has moved on, there is a new calm over my body and I am not sick anymore. Run, Brenda, run!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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