|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Charming, he is almost at retirement age now. You do realize that, right? He could start drawing social security at 62. How is he paying his expenses?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
It was a colleague. We would have coffee and lunch. We would hug and kiss. He was having marital problems as well. We kept in touch during my marriage for a year and then I broke it off. I realized he was not the one Do you still work with this guy?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 15
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 15 |
Yes, he is almost at retirement age. I’m not sure how much that would be since he hasn’t worked much. There’s no retirement other than social security. I still have 20+ years before retirement.
He’s always worked for himself. He achieved some wealth at an early age (before I met him), but has never come back. It was always the hope. The business he was in as since changed.
He was getting some checks, about $500-600 per month. That’s now stopped. He started a maintenance business. I’m assuming that’s how he’s supporting himself now.
Crsnae
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 15
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 15 |
No, I don’t. We never worked for the same firm, but in the same field. We ran across paths during a business transaction.
Last edited by Charming1; 03/24/19 10:56 PM.
Crsnae
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 15
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 15 |
No, I do not plan on talking with the Btw. According to my therapist it’s not a good idea to speak of the A with my H. According to the therapist it could do more harm than good.
Crsnae
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
No, I do not plan on talking with the Btw. According to my therapist it’s not a good idea to speak of the A with my H. According to the therapist it could do more harm than good. Your therapist is giving you bad advice. Your H has a right to know about the affair. This is information about his life too. Here is what Dr Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders says about exposure to an abusive spouse: "If a wife tells me that her husband has a history of physical violence toward her, and she's discovered his affair, I suggest that she make immediate plans for a complete separation. Generally, I refer her to a shelter for abused women. After the separation is complete, and she is safe, I then recommend exposure of the affair. Contact with the abusive spouse should be ruled out until the violent husband has enrolled in an anger management program, has no contact with the lover, and is willing to begin a program of marital reconciliation. Even then, I recommend continued separation until there is overwhelming evidence that the abusive behavior has been eliminated." And the OM's wife certainly has a right to know. Ideally, your husband would contact her and inform her but since you are separated, that job falls to you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 15
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 15 |
Thank you. I will take this into consideration.
Crsnae
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I definitely need to look in the mirror and face my wrong actions. I’m trying to forgive myself. When you say you are trying to "forgive yourself" you do realize you do not need your forgiveness, right? You need the forgiveness of the people you harmed.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (Blackhawk),
1,215
guests, and
57
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
