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#3015761 09/27/21 01:54 AM
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Rexpex Offline OP
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Hi I been married for 5 years been with him for 15. We have two young children. A few weeks ago my husband told
Me had trouble paying bills because of having too much responsibilities on the house bills. He thought it was unfair which led him to racking up debt. I understood his frustration even tho he mentioned in passing before so I helped him out. After helping him out , a few weeks late I find out he’s having a flirtatious relationship with a Co worker who he admits he likes a little. After confronting him, he lashed out and said he never wanted to be a family man never wanted a suburban like or kids. He doesn’t feel the same about me. He says I changed and I’m not fun anymore.( sorry we have a family now it’s not all fun and games) he doesn’t want to go marriage counseling . He says there’s no point. I confronted the girl. He said she apologized to him but they still work with each other. He holds a lot of resentment from the past to justify his reasons for stepping out of the marriage , resentment for childish stuff done before marriage. He said the marriage can’t be salvage and he’s been wanting to leave for awhile. But hasn’t left. He said he still has responsibilities to the family but he doesn’t have anywhere to go or have the finances for it. He says he feels guilt and is sad about the situations . I asked him why he doesn’t leave and he said it’s a heavy decision. I’m confused … He says he cares about me and loves me to a certain extent … he said he wanted a fresh start but not with me and doesn’t want us to disappear out of his life either … should I stay or go?


Hi
Rexpex #3015762 09/27/21 08:55 AM
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Welcome to MB and sorry for what has brought you here.

Is the (OW) married? Have you exposed the affair to anyone?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Rexpex #3015763 09/27/21 08:57 AM
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Do you have any spyware on his devices?

Please read Exposure 101

Ask the MODs to move this to Surviving an affair. Do not tell your husband about this place.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Rexpex #3015764 09/27/21 08:59 AM
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Rexpex Offline OP
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I texted the women and also let his parents know my mine which led to other family members knowing…doesn’t seem like anything is going on with them at the moment and also he smokes a lot of weed


Hi
Rexpex #3015766 09/27/21 12:40 PM
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Is the OW married?

Did you read the exposure thread?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Rexpex #3015767 09/27/21 01:17 PM
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Rexpex Offline OP
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No she’s not married and yes I read it


Hi
Rexpex #3015768 09/27/21 02:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Rexpex
Hi I been married for 5 years been with him for 15. We have two young children. A few weeks ago my husband told
Me had trouble paying bills because of having too much responsibilities on the house bills. He thought it was unfair which led him to racking up debt. I understood his frustration even tho he mentioned in passing before so I helped him out.

If I understand you correctly, you lived together for 10 years. That creates all kinds of bad habits such as seeing money as 'your money' or 'his' rather than seeing your finances as joint with spending decisions also being made together after creating a budget. This is something you can address and put right but now you have a far more urgent problem.

Originally Posted by Rexpex
After helping him out , a few weeks late I find out he’s having a flirtatious relationship with a Co worker who he admits he likes a little. After confronting him, he lashed out and said he never wanted to be a family man never wanted a suburban like or kids. He doesn’t feel the same about me. He says I changed and I’m not fun anymore.( sorry we have a family now it’s not all fun and games) he doesn’t want to go marriage counseling . He says there’s no point.

He is either having an affair or about to start one. He is reinventing the history of his marriage, they always do that. We call this 'the fog'.

Originally Posted by Rexpex
I confronted the girl. He said she apologized to him but they still work with each other.

She apologised to him???? Even if what you are told is true which is unlikely, she should have apologised to you. They cannot continue to work at the same place but you need to know more about what is going on (see below) before you pull the trigger on that grenade.

Originally Posted by Rexpex
He holds a lot of resentment from the past to justify his reasons for stepping out of the marriage , resentment for childish stuff done before marriage. He said the marriage can’t be salvage and he’s been wanting to leave for awhile. But hasn’t left. He said he still has responsibilities to the family but he doesn’t have anywhere to go or have the finances for it. He says he feels guilt and is sad about the situations . I asked him why he doesn’t leave and he said it’s a heavy decision. I’m confused … He says he cares about me and loves me to a certain extent … he said he wanted a fresh start but not with me and doesn’t want us to disappear out of his life either … should I stay or go?

This is textbook cheating blather. He wants his family and his bit on the side. Are you going to fight for your marriage? If you are, you first need to know exactly what is going on between them. Do not confront him. Start snooping. As Brainy says you need spyware on his devices. Do you know how to do that and do you have his passwords? Until you know exactly where things stand, you cannot expose properly. There is a big difference between 'maybe something going on' and a proper exposure of 'my husband has been having a physical affair with Miss Fat Slag since xxx and I want your help in stopping it'. As this will be a workplace affair, you will also need to notify the company which may result in him being fired. Again, you need to get the facts first.

We can help you with next steps. If you decide your marriage is worth fighting for (and with two children it would be hard to imagine that it is not), then we can help you with next steps. Busting up an affair means exposing it to the world which takes the thrill out of it. After that you will need to get him completely off the drugs and both of you will need to learn how to be a team. So your light at the end of the tunnel is a better marriage than you have now. But the journey is hard.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
Rexpex #3015769 09/27/21 03:00 PM
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Rexpex Offline OP
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I have his password how do I put spyware on?


Hi
Rexpex #3015770 09/28/21 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Rexpex
I have his password how do I put spyware on?

Great, what device does he have?


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)

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