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Joined: Aug 2022
Posts: 2
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Joined: Aug 2022
Posts: 2
My husband and i have been married 48 years and have 3 adult children. He was unfaithful before marriage and had an affair in 2005. That OW cost us about $100,000 and caused me to lose my job. Luckily I was able to go on disability. 2 years ago, I found he was talking to women on a public site where I know most are cops.

He has been very protective of his phone for over a year.
I finally had a chance to look through it when he forgot it in the house and saw that he has been paying to talk to other women $25 each time. He has been spending $50-$150 per day according to his PayPal. Its around $36-38 thousand dollars. I am devastated. We need new windows and have a 2nd mortgage to pay. We are 66 years old on a small income. I asked him what he was thinking. He just said he didn't think about it, he just did it.

I am not allowed to see bank statements or the bills. We have fought for years over this with no result. His excuse is that I'm sick so he just pays them. He is constantly making "quick" trips to town and doesn't come home for a few hours. He lies to me where he's been.

I have 3 autoimmune diseases and long covid. Now I have a severe case of vertigo. He even was talking to OW while I was taken to the hospital by ambulance 2cweeks ago and while in the ER.
He has to do all the cooking and 95% of the outside work because I can't.

We sleep in different rooms, he in a lift recliner because of his back and me in my bedroom. There has been no sex in the last 12 years because he can't. Only quick hugs or a quick kiss on occasion. He told me not to talk about sex because it bothers him and makes him feel bad. (But, he can talk sex with other women.) I told him to talk to me via text like he does them. No response from him.

I told him I can’t deal with the lies, cheating and spending anymore. If I get a divorce and move out, I would need assisted living for the things I can't do. That would empty my savings fast.

I am so overwhelmed and scared by all of this and have no one to talk to. My lawyer just died so I can't talk to him.

Am I stuck and out of options?

Joined: Nov 2010
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,320
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Welcome to MB and I’m so very sorry for what has you brought you here.

Please email Dr. Harley right away. Copy this post into an email.

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the broadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will receive a call to explain the procedure.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Aug 2022
Posts: 2
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Joined: Aug 2022
Posts: 2
Thank you. I will do that.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,320
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,320
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Please do and please let us know what Dr. Harley says.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.




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