Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
S
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
After being with my wife for 7 years last April she dropped a bomb on me by saying she didn't love me any more and she wanted a divorce. Until September I tried everything to change my ways to make her see that maybe she did still love me. Then in September I just became emotionally exhausted and told her I needed time to think that way I could really clear my head and think about things so I left and stayed at my parents place for 10 days. After the ten days my wife texted me saying I needed to just stay away and not come back because she doesn't love me any more. I've been gone since then I talk to my daughter everyday and see her on weekends. My stepson won't tak to me and her family is convinced that I walked out on them. I love my wife and I really don't want this divorce and I know there's really nothing I can do it's up to her and God but I can't stop thinking about her and I feel very lost and un sure on what to do.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
Welcome to MB.

Have you checked to see if your wife is having an affair?

What are the reasons she gave you for wanting a divorce?

And it’s your home so there should be nothing stopping you from going home. Is it your home?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
S
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
I have been told she was but every time I confronted her about she denied it.
We rent that home as well the only reason I didn't stay was because I don't want our kids to be in that environment.
The reason she gave me was she didn't love me anymore

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
You don’t ever ask if she’s having an affair, because she’s not going to admit it.

You need to snoop and find out what’s going on.

When she says she doesn’t love you anymore, does she give you any reasons?

When people are in an affair a very common thing they will tell their spouse is that they don’t love them anymore.

Do you have access to her devices to check?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
S
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
No i don't my daughter had told me that she has a male friend over all the time

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by Solecastle
I have been told she was but every time I confronted her about she denied it.
Who told you she was having an affair? Was it your daughter saying that a man was there all the time?

You'll get better responses if you write a bit more.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
S
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
I was told by coworkers we used to work at Walmart I worked nights and she worked days after she kicked me out and took me off the lease my daughter asked me why mommy's has her friend over all the time

Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
S
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
And the only reason she had given me for this is she just doesn't love me anymore and she just wants to feel single again

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by Solecastle
I was told by coworkers we used to work at Walmart I worked nights and she worked days after she kicked me out and took me off the lease my daughter asked me why mommy's has her friend over all the time
You were told by your co-workers. They would not have made this up; what interest would they have had in doing so? What did you do about it, apart from asking her - which of course she would deny?

Do you know who the co-worker is? Is it the same friend that visits Mummy?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
S
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
Yes these co-workers are mutual friends to both of us and yes it's the same friend

Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
S
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
I also had my sister tell me as well and I confronted my wife about and she denied it

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by Solecastle
I also had my sister tell me as well and I confronted my wife about and she denied it
So did you just let that go after she denied it?

You should be worried about a man being around your young daughter.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
In addition to SugarCane’s questions.

Is the OM married or have a girlfriend?

Do you want to save your marriage?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
S
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
No it's my wife and ya I am worried no I didn't let it go there was a lot of issues with trust and what not but we started working on it and I thought we where getting better until she made a new friend whom just got divorced and was telling my wife I was possessive of her when I only saw her for a few hours a week do to our work schedule and yes I'd love to save my marriage this woman means the world to me but she's also doing everything she can to push me away

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
Is the OM married or does he have a girlfriend?

You should ask the MODS to move this to Surviving an Affair.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
Please read Exposure 101


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by Solecastle
No it's my wife and ya I am worried no I didn't let it go there was a lot of issues with trust and what not but we started working on it and I thought we where getting better until she made a new friend whom just got divorced and was telling my wife I was possessive of her when I only saw her for a few hours a week do to our work schedule and yes I'd love to save my marriage this woman means the world to me but she's also doing everything she can to push me away
Well, there's your answer to what made her drop a bomb on you last April. She might not have been having an affair at the beginning, if you say that this is a new friend, but she is having one now, and while he's around you stand no chance of reconciling.

I'm a bit unclear about the timeline, but logic would suggest that she had already met him last April, and that's why she dropped the bomb. After you moved out she got her desired freedom to see this man more openly. She probably feels that since you are separated, nobody will see this as an affair and she is free to date. You need to disabuse her of that notion. And if he is recently divorced, there is every chance that this affair was the cause of his divorce.

Do you know his name (don't write it here!)? Is he still a co-worker - meaning that they work for the same organisation? Is one of them in a supervisory position over the other? Does he have kids?

You need to find out as much as you can about his identity, and when you have enough evidence to convince a jury (in Dr Harley's words) you will need to expose this affair to his ex, to both (your and your wife's) families, to your child, and to the workplace.

All of this needs to be done properly and you must not give your game away to anyone until you are ready to expose. Do not start questioning your wife about her man friend, for example, and absolutely do not tell her that you plan to expose at work or to his family. Say nothing at all at this stage to anyone.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
S
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
So the man and her friend are two different people sorry I should clear that up. I know his name yes and no she quit her job right before she kicked me out. Yes he has a daughter. Her friend who went through the divorce is a woman whom I can not stand. I'm thinking of talking to a lawyer since she took me off of the lease of our rental with talking to Me as well as telling everyone I walked out I even have proof I didn't.

Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
S
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Oct 2022
Posts: 18
He's also not my co worker any more as I left that job

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by Solecastle
He's also not my co worker any more as I left that job
So it's no longer a workplace affair, so that avenue is closed. However, you need to read the Exposure thread that Brain Hurts linked and prepare to expose to friends and family.

By all means talk to a lawyer.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 46 guests, and 41 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P., Alex82
71,727 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,545
Posts2,322,787
Members71,728
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5