Well, so far, I have made it through another<P>day (one at a time). I am kind of struggling<P> with how difficult it really is. My wife is<P> great and she is trying to be helpful. I<P> feel bad when I come to her and say that I<P> am having a rough time, but I want her to<P> be the one that I go to, not someone else<P>. She almost always gives me that look tha<P>t says you did this to ME and now you want<P> my sympathy? I just want some support. I <P>feel like she doesn't believe that it was <P>real love or a real relationship. Well, it<P> was. I realize that it was wrong and all,<P> but it is a difficult thing to lose or give<P> up something that you really feel a <P>connection to. I am trying my best to not<P> throw the bad feelings back at her, but I<P> don't want to hold back my true feelings <P>from her. I often wonder how I would feel if<P> she kept saying things like that to me. <P>Probably not good at all. I think the thing<P> that worries me the most about not being<P> entirely open and up front about my <P>emotions, is the ability to disconnect<P> myself from people. I learned this through<P> a lot of crappy stuff when I was growing <P>up, and I have used it (unfortunately) quite<P> often in my relationships. I believe this <P>is what allowed me to have the initial <P>feelings of affection to OW. I was not in a<P> place that made me feel good about our <P>marriage, and it made it that much easier to<P> detach. Once I let myself feel seperate, it<P> was okay to fall in love. I don't want to <P>get into that mode again here. I want to be<P> totally giving of myself and that includes<P> the good and the bad ( I hate to say that <P>at this point the bad is in greater <P>quantity). I read your responses to her<P> latest posting and I think that alot of you<P> have good ideas. I also think that it <P>sounds bad that she has to be the one that <P>gives all the support ( though I feel like I<P> need it) when she received all the s%@t in <P>the first place. Daily I think that I am an <P>as#%@le, and that I don't deserve this kind <P>of love. Then, it switches to me feeling <P>like I made the wrong choice, with Chrissie<P> is where I should be. Then it switches to <P>the feeling like there never was any choice,<P> Nicole was always the one for me, as simple<P> as that. Pretty mixed up eh? I am glad that<P> you guys are all there for us. Please hang <P>in there as I get crazier and better, it <P>helps to read your thoughts. <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>We stumble and fall sometimes, and that hurts. But it is the most incredible realization when you look and see that it was your spouse that picked you back up......<P>Take care of and Love each other.....Arik<P><BR>

You are in withdrawl... and it's an icky place to be. Your affair may <B>feel</B> like it was real but it <B>wasn't</B>. It was a <B>fantasy</B> because you were not free to love the OW and she was not free to love you. It's like stealing. Worse. <P>I have been there. I'm not trying to upset you or hurt you. Here's what I know to be true. I <B>ruined</B> my life, my H's life, and my family's life. When my H cheated, I was able to go forward. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I thought my H could be strong like I was and "get through it". Surprise! He can't. This affair business is real, and it causes unbearable pain. <P>You will survive, and you will make a choice between this woman who is your wife, and this woman who isn't. That is your choice. I hope that when you choose your W, which you invariably will, that she is there for you. For me, the choices dwindled down to zero: I have neither the OM or my H, at least not the H I used to know. <P>I may have just made things worse for you tonight. I really hope not. I guess I'm just seeing (once again) the reality of this thing. It's gawd-awful.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

2S - you're making it better for her just by giving this all you've got. It's ok. This IS very hard and you're suffering too.<P>Just don't give up and don't give in. Once you get through this, you have a wonderful gift - for YOU and for Nicole - the greatest marriage you could ever dream of.<P>Hang in there. It WILL get better. You made it though this day. You'll be ok.<P>Lori

2SM, keep coming here! You are doing the right thing - and your wife will realize that, too. Yes, it is hurtful to know that you are missing the OW, BUT it would be more hurtful if you kept it inside and allowed it to influence you to do the WRONG thing again!<P>With regard to your ability to "disconnect" - I think that is what my husband has done. He has "disconnected" from me - maybe did it a long time ago - and was able to continue his affair without feeling that it was wrong. I'm sure he justified it in his mind by my behavior and the bad place our marriage was in, too. And I need to tell you that it hurts like the dickens - but I know that I'm more than a little bit responsible for our marital problems.<P>Keep up the good work ... we are here to help you along, as long as you are working at your marriage!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>

2S,<BR> Hang in I believe you are doing the best thing. Reread the sernity prayer I posted for you I apply it to all ares of my life.<BR>Ive never gone thru WD over a fantacy based relationship,however I have WD from drugs. I understand it's real similar. One day at a time the obsesion will eventualy be lifted as long as you don't relapse.<BR>Hang In <P>------------------<BR>BB

When my W told me about this site she said that it might help me to hear some of the things that people said about their experiences. I never dreamed of the way it would make me feel to hear your encouragement. I truly thank all of you guys for being here. I wish that some day we could all meet and have a big celebration party for our triumphs together!!!!! That would be an awesome time!!!! Thanks again to one and all (even the ones who make me feel like a big jerk) for everything. I can guarantee that I will be coming back again and again, whether I fail or not. TTFN<P>------------------<BR>We stumble and fall sometimes, and that hurts. But it is the most incredible realization when you look and see that it was your spouse that picked you back up......<P>Take care of and Love each other.....Arik<P><BR>

2S -<BR>How do I start this, I actually registeredd with this board just so I could reply to you. My story is compilcated, I'm married but have been separated for almost 5 years. I'm just ending an EMR so I'm going through that pain. But my marriage seems to actually be stronger for it. This EMR is not why we separated, in fact I hadn't dated anyone for 4 years until this. <BR>First, I want to speak to you from the OWs POV. You must know that many OW read this board, my objective in reading was to get an idea of how the W is feeling once the EMR is discovered. I know I caused pain and hurt and many more awful feeling, I wanted to get a perspective on what the Ws were really going through. I feel terrible for my part in hurting W. But what I want to say to you is that you are saying exacting what the "lurking" OW/M want to hear, it gives them hope. In my case I am glad to hear that the MM does have some feelings. I broke off my EMR and I will never contact him in any way again. But to know that he may still be thinking of me the way you are thinking of your OW makes gives me some relief. That aside, I strongly suggest that you do Not have any contact with OW. If she is trying to get through this ending process then hearing from you will only set her back to square one. I would not want to hear from my MM now that I am moving forward with my life. NO this is a lie, I do want to hear from him and this is all the more reason I should not. Do you follow me?<BR>Secondly, I am feeling very good about being able to tell my H that I have not had any contact with OM. Yes, H and I are trying to work things out again. If I had to tell him that I had had some contact with OM it would probably be the last straw for my H. He's been so supportive and nurturing thoughout this process, I really can't believe we aren't still together. <P>Summary: Don't contact your OW it won't do anyone any good. OMHO <P>I hope that I've given you some insights that will help. <BR>