My marriage does not get any better only worse. We are under the same roof but thats it. We dont speak. Separate everything, though I still cook & do laundry. I feel sorry for my H half the time, I can see the pain & confusion in his face. But the other half of the time he is very mean & cruel to me & blocks any attempt of mine to try & prove that I DO care about him/love him. I bought him stuff & he threw it out in the hallway on the floor. <P>He still spends much of his time talking to/confiding in this woman at work. He denies anything wrong with this! though I am pretty sure they have phoned each other even when one is out of town for work. He used to be overly dependant on me & now talks to her instead. I cant take it anymore. I dont understand how he can maintain this wall he has built up around himself & not ever think of me? I think of him constantly. I am reminded of him every where I go and in everything I do and I miss him & our times together desperately.<P>He refused to go to counseling with me. I go for myself. Not getting much out of it though. He is going to go for himself<BR>at least, since he feels the stress. I hope this will do him some good. I still have hopes for us. I think deep down he does not want divorce, only for the pain & turmoil in his life to be gone. (never deals with emotions).<P>On top of this, I hate my job. They're really starting to micromanage a select 2 or 3 of us to the extreme, when everyone else REALLY abuses the rules around here, affecting our work too. But nothing happends to them. The same rules should apply to everyone. I had an interview for a differant job in another bldg. Pray that I get it!! Should know in the next week. It would require travel & training which is somehting I would like & could use about now. It would also relate to what I am going to school for. <P>I cant take anymore strife!! I think I have suffered enough. I want to crawl into a hole somewhere & wake up to find out it was all some horrible dream. Please think of me in your prayers for my sanity & happiness & a restored marriage!

Hi Cantletgo, For right now you really need to take your focus off of your husband and put it on the Lord. God is more than likly taking you a step further in your walk with Him and that means your faith is going to grow. One of the first things the Lord told me in the begining of my seperation was to not trust in my wifes emotions and actions. They would let me down every time and they did in fact do just that until i listened to the Lord. Faith is believing in things unseen. Your looking for answers in your husbands actions right now and that will only frustrate you and take your eyes off the Lord. Ive made the same mistakes as you. I tryed to win my wifes heart with doing things for her and trying to convince her to see things my way. It didnt work and only made me angry and want to give up. I looked for appreciation from her. Didnt get none, nor any love in return. I only got hatred and anger. Yes it took me almost 2 years to fully let her go and give her to God and to trust in Him. It wasnt long after that the Lord started to change things and bring her to her bottom. About the time i gave up compleatly and didnt even care anymore is when she finally called and wanted to see me. I hadent seen or heard from her in 7 months. I figured she was going to kill herself and almost did. She OD on drugs and ended up in another treatment facility(3rd time) but this time she turned back to the Lord and finanly me. I dont have all the answers and probably cant give you much comfort right now. All iknow is we can only do our best to persevere and admit to God our strenth has failed us and to pray His strenth would take over thru us. Give your life and marriage to the Lord. Let Him deal with it. Right now He wants you to be close to Him and that your relationship with Jesus would grow. Then you will find strenth to make it the rest of the way.<BR>Mark

That is the best advice. It is hard to ignore the person you love turning into a beast, but that's what we have to do. <P>If you haven't read here for a long time, you might not know that there have been 3 or 4 restorations or near restorations just in the past 4 months. Every one of them qualifies as a miracle. <P>Miracles do happen. I am sorry you are in so much pain and I hope you will feel how close the Lord is to you today.