<B>Q. 12 Tell your husband that you are going to start to pray for him in a new and positive way, and ask him to share with you any prayer requests he has. Write down what his reaction was and what requests he shared.</B><P>Wow. This was the hard one. I tried to wait until just the right time and place. Worried about it too much. This Q has blocked me from getting on with the rest of this chapter.<P>Today I asked my husband how he would like me to pray for him. I wanted to know if there was anything he would like support from above concerning. He very hostilely said, "No. Nothing. Don't bother." <P>I then proceeded to tell him how my prayers for him had been answered dramatically in the past and again asked how he wanted me to pray for him. He said no. Turns out that he was already angry about a sex issue at the time but I didn't know that. I think this will percolate, he will settle down and tell me in a few days what he really wants. Hope so anyways.<P><B>Q. 13 Do you see your husband as anything less than a beloved son of God? Explain.</B><P>Sometimes I forget to. Then I try to picture him as a little boy. I see how God loves him and is trying to give him every best opportunity. <P>When there are days like today I get really feeling sorry for myself. No logical reason to. Seldom is there much logic for our pain. I'm a big girl and can only blame myself for my many poor choices in life. My job is to take these paths I have chosen and which God has given me and make the very best of it.<P>Dear Father in Heaven, <BR>I thank thee for always being here for me. I am trying to love thee better too.<P>Please help me to always see my husband as Thou seest him. Please soften my heart in humility that I may connect with Thee. Bless me with the pure love of Christ that I may connect with him through his heart. <P>These mercies I beg, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.<P>------------------<BR>A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us.

Dear karenna<BR>What can anyone do about this if the H says he does not believe in God or anything but the science and the things he can do?<P>How can i be spiritually near my H if he says he is atheo?

Dear Trapito,<P>Keep praying. Walk with God, read your Bible, grow in love and the things to say and do will be given you, one at a time. The whole point of this book and study guide is that one partner can do so much and take the lead in spirituality. <BR>(See 1 Corinthians 7:13-14)<P>Actually God does all the work. When I change myself, and open myself to God changing me, then prayers are answered and blessings are poured out abundantly.

Trapito,<BR>I agree with everything Karenna said. Don't preach at him (big mistake - I did that before), but do as the Lord commands in 1 Peter 3:1 "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, <I>if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (submissive behavior) of the wives."</I><P>I highly recommend the book "Beloved Unbeliever" by Jo Berry. It has opened my eyes to many things I have been doing wrong and ways to pray for my husband. The prayers in POPW are life changing Trapito.<P>This is one of my favorite verses "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1) Have faith, the Lord is working in your husband's life, even though their may not be evidence that your eyes can see.

<B>12) Tell your husband that you are going to start to pray for him in a new and positive way, and ask him to share with you any prayer requests he has. Write down what his reaction was and what requests he shared.</B> He doesn't believe in prayer, no sense in me asking him.<P><B>13) Do you see your husband as anything less than a beloved son of God? Explain.</B><BR>No, he is a child of God even though he does not believe. Lord, I pray that your Spirit will always be with me, sowing me how to see David as through Your eyes. Help me to get past the resentment over his behavior and love him the way you do.<P><B>14) Look up Proverbs 21:19 and underline it in your Bible. Are there any issues in your marriage where you find yourself registering the same complaint or criticism over and over?</B> Yes. <B>List those</B><BR> I need to stop telling him how much his drinking hurts me, and I need to find a way to bury his adultery in the past.<P><B>Write a prayer asking God to show you when to speak about each matter and when to just keep silent and pray.</B><BR>Lord, I pray that You will go before me in all contact I have with my husband, and show me when the right time will be to talk to him about everything that has happened. Please help me Lord to know when to shut up and pray.

Q. 12. Tell your husband you are praying for him & ask him to share any requests.<P>As with the Emotional Needs, "There is nothing" I can do for him. This has been the hardest to deal with. I'll keep on trying with this over time. So often I feel like I don't know him anymore.<P>

I have to admit I skipped 12 for now. I may try to ask hism later this weekend.<P>Q13<BR>Father, I do see my husband as a beloved son of God, but one who has turned his back. I believe he is still angry because of a former job he lost and really with himself. I believe he feels God should hve stopped him, but he needs to face his own music. Father help me to understand where he is, pray for him effectively and pray he comes back to Jesus.<P>Q14<BR>Lord, in the past I did register complaints like he wouldn't help out in the house. Lord, I know now I need to pray first, and give it to you and ask you to lead me when to say anything and when to remain silent.<P>Q15His spiritiualwalk and relationship with God. He feels there is none. Help me to pray Jesus back into his life. Help me to know what to say or not say.<P>Q16<BR>Father, you have brought me to the place where I can say I know in many ways he will not change. I release him to you to change inways I never thought possible.<P>Q17<BR>Father, I have lost respect for him in his integrity, that he could say my family is the most important thing to him, yet start and maintain an affair that hurts us all. Lord, help me to forgive and release to you into your care to change anything you feel needs to be changes. Help me to have respect for him because he becomes a man with integrity again in you.<P>Q18<BR>Lord, I think is anything it has been avoidance when he has said negative things to me and about me. Getting exasperated at his depression or lack of motivtion to end the relationship with ow (patience).

The others have 12, 13, & 14 written so I won't rewrite them...<P><B>12.</B> The first time I asked this question, he wasn't very kind about it. Perhaps this time will be better. Will have to update on what he says in light of my need to ask forgiveness as shared in question 11. Like Karenna, I desire a more perfect timing, however, I am finding that Satan confounds things so that there never seems to be a perfect time, so in faith, and even though his mood is elevated to the pits today, I will do this out of obedience to the Father.<P><B>13.</B> Ray Boltz sings a song about people's tendency to judge others that says "some may see only a shepherd boy, but God may see a king!" referring to King David, which really helped me to focus on my tendency to limit how God sees us, especially with my youngest adopted son who has borderline personality disorder. God has brought that song back to me many times in regards to my husband. Under neath that obesity and guarded bullishness is a soft scared child of the king, a beloved son, who hasn't any idea of how special he is to the Father. His self-esteem is such that he spouts arrogance and self-righteousness and condemnation of others, he makes unhealthy demands to make himself look good, etc. and he fails to see that he already is special and unique and holy and beloved and there is nothing that he could do to stop that love. <P>Father, continue to draw my eyes towards my husband as Your beloved son. Help me to focus on the inner child, that craves acceptance and love, help me to ignore the outer appearances and behaviors that draw my eyes away from what You see in him. Father, let me see only what You see, blind me to everything else. IJN.<P><B>14. PR 21:19 Better to live in a desert<BR>than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.</B><P>Funny how differently this looks from the first time I went through this book. My complaints and criticisms are the same over and over again...<BR>Submission isn't you say, I do without question....<BR>There is more to life than nudism...<BR>I want clarification of roles...<BR>Love doesn't demand...<BR>Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs...I am not your mother or your ex-wife....<BR>Where are we united in anything in our marriage? If I complied to run around nude, it doesn't mean we are united in spirit...<P>Most of these are defensive responses to his accusations and I guess we both feel that the repeating broken record is playing...his complaints the same, my responses the same, which could be perceived by him as complaints as well I guess.<P>Father, this one stumps me. In the similar way that I feel I need to stand my ground for you, I don't want to be the quarrelsome self-righteous wife....I don't want to be ill-tempered with my husband or fight over these same old issues, but I don't know how to do it differently. <P>I don't know how to respect him and honor both You and him in this. Show me Lord how and when to approach these things and when to shut up and wait for Your revelation and words to say to him. Show me how to be silent and to pray without angering him further in thinking that I am ignoring him or the issues.<P>Father, teach when to be forthright in words and deeds and when to be silent and to pray. IJN.<P>Will get to 15, 16 & 17 soon. Should we start 18, 19 & 20 on a final Chapter one thread? This chapter seems longer this time than last time....guess the Father has me more willing to dig deeper. Please keep me in prayer as I fulfill question 11 today and ask forgiveness.<p>[This message has been edited by SueB (edited May 20, 2000).]

A new thread for 15, 16, & 17 is a good idea.<BR>I'll be praying for you SueB. I sense from your post that things have been tough, and I pray that the Lord gives you peace and comfort today. <P>I want to borrow your prayer, it convicted me so about how I need to pray about the way I perceive David. Thank you for posting this as I have not been able to put into words what I felt. You did just that. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Father, continue to draw my eyes towards my husband as Your beloved son. Help me to focus on the inner child, that craves acceptance and love, help me to ignore the outer appearances and behaviors that draw my eyes away from what You see in him. Father, let me see only what You see, blind me to everything else. IJN.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>This is exactly what I want to pray. <P>Thank you SueB for being here!<p>[This message has been edited by Alcoholic's Wife (edited May 20, 2000).]

You are welcome my sister! I see that you are posting at the same time I am and yet, your icq isn't lit up so I can't chat with you... <P>HW posted 15, 16 & 17 here I see so guess we should keep all of the answers on one thread. Maybe the next thread huh? I just didn't feel I could go any farther untilI got question 11 done, which would then allow opportunity to reask how I could pray for him etc....

<B>Q. 14. Look up Proverbs 21:19 and underline it in your Bible. Are there any issues in your marriage where you find yourself registering the same complaint or criticism over and over?</B> <P>I register my complaints internally, rarely expressing them to H. Same ones over and over. Inconsiderate. Drinking. Uninvolved with child. Pornography.<P><B>Write a prayer asking God to show you when to speak about each matter and when to just keep silent and pray.</B><P><BR>Dear Heavenly Father, <P>Thou art my support and foundation. I praise thy holy name! Wondrous and great are thy works in my life. <P>Thank you for giving me such a strong, hardworking and well-meaning husband. Thank you for all the growth and progress he has made in becoming more patient with us. <P>Please help me to know when to speak and when to hold my tongue. Let me be in tune with thy word and with thy will that I will only speak to these issues when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, that my words will be carried by the Spirit into his heart and have meaning to him. <P>In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen<P><B>Q. 15. Is there any sensitive matter that you know you need to speak to your husband about, but you fear what his response might be? What is that?</B><P>We've recently dealt with issues of money, real estate, religion, outside attractions, counseling, child rearing, sex, pornography, emotional needs. Hmmm. There is probably something plain as the nose on my face, but I am in denial or blind.<P><B>Write a prayer asking God to show you what you are to say and when to say it. Ask God to prepare your husband's heart to hear it.</B><P>Dear Father, please show me my error. Show me what I need to speak with H about, and give me the words that will touch his mind and heart. Please prepare our hearts to recieve thy messages. IJN, Amen<P><B>Q. 16 Read Psalm 62:5 and underline it - My soul, wait thou only upon God, for my expectation is from Him.<P>Are there any expectations you have of your husband that he is not living up to? What are they?</B><P>At this time I have no expectations. Everything good and decent is a fabulous surprise. Like going to daughter's soccer tryouts!<BR> <BR><B>Write a prayer asking God to show you where your expectations of your husband do not coincide with the reality of who he is. Tell God you will put your expectations on <I>Him</I> so <I>He</I> can meet your needs.</B><P>Our Gracious Heavenly Father, <P>I thank thee for the gifts of patience, longsuffering and understanding. <P>Please help me keep my expectations for H in line with reality and thy will. <P>My only hope for happiness, life, and salvation is from thee. I will serve thee all my days although I know that I will always be an unprofitable servant. Please help me to be a useful tool in thy hand, that by losing myself in thy will I may become all that thou wouldst have me become. I thank thee for pouring out blessings unmeasured and surely undeserved upon my head all my days.<P>In Jesus' name, Amen<P><B>Q. 17. Read Ephesians 5:33 and underline it. - <I>Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband</I><P>Is there any area in which you have lost respect for your husband? Explain.</B><P>I once lost respect for his honesty when he tried to pull a stunt on his taxes. He has otherwise, and ever since, shown impeccable honesty in his dealings with others. I do not respect his perceived need for a high level of constant sexual stimulation, especially when it involves using me in a one-sided fashion, or pornography. I do not respect his daily consumption of alcohol.<P><B>Write a prayer asking God to reveal ways you may have demonstrated a lack of respect for your husband. As He reveals them, confess them as sin and ask God to help you see your husband the way <I>He</I> sees him.</B><P>Dearest Father, Please show me how I have demonstrated a lack of respect for my husband! In Jesus' name I ask thee. Amen<P>1. Not cooking dinner, letting him do it.<BR>2. Letting the laundry pile up.<BR>3. Continuing to work when he comes home from work.<BR>4. Not getting his brand of toothpaste.<P>Father, I see that these are sins. Please help me be more respectful of him, help me to see him as a precious child of thine who can be brought back to thee by love. IJN, Amen<P>ONLY THREE MORE QUESTIONS. AW, new thread to finish off?

This is getting more difficult.... my H moved in with OW 2 weeks ago, and as always he is fed up and wants to leave, he was unhappy from the second day there...... Well, he is stuck, for all his enablers are done bailing him out!!! So I guess He is finally getting what he thought he wanted and has discovered that he doesn't want it... of course he has done this many times, and even when we have been together he has thought the other side of the fence looked better.... <P>I wonder if being STUCK WITH OW will finally finish things???<P>I finally via e-mail asked how I should pray for him, he said he is praying that God opens and closes the right doors, etc... So there is Q12 finally......<P>Q13 Yes I see him in opposition to Gods will, and therefor my opinion of him has not been in the light of him being a beloved child... more like a bratty child... I need to have God put my spiritual glasses on so that I may see clearly as God sees again..<P>Q14 I quit nagging long ago... I state my feelings on occation, but mostly just withdraw feeling that I would be heard but not listened to anyway...<P>Dear Father, help me to open and express myself and my needs in a loving way, and go before me to open my husbands ears and soften his heart so that we may do more than just talk at each other, but rather communicate in a form that would be benificial to both..<P><BR>Q15 There are many areas that we need to understand each other... I need to be able to get across to him that the things I ask for are also things that God expects of him, and I am not asking because I want to torture him or make him do things that he hates... Like WORK......<P>Q16 I expect things.. yes! I expect loyalty, devotion, commitment, to both God and me.... I expect he act like a man and take care of his family, I expect that he would understand that there needs to be contribution from him when he is with us and that he doesn't just sit around and expect everyone to cater to him and make him happy. I guess I am still a bit frustrated with him for not 'doing' what I think a husband should do!<P>Q 17 I admit I have lost much respect for my husband, I know I have to really figure out this whole respect thing..... I know there are things a husband should do and when he doesn't do them you loose respect.. I need to find things to respect my husband for I think, and quit looking at the things he fails in... Lord, let me see those good things in my husbands life so that I can once again gain the respect that I have lost, forgive me for loosing my respect...<P>Ok on to the next string for Q 18-20<P><P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

Cozy,<BR>I can sure understand how you feel. I also expect that <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>he doesn't just sit around and expect everyone to cater to him and make him happy<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>What causes a man to feel this way? My H thinks I am his maid and servant. (Can you tell I am not very pleased with him tonite?) I wish I had an answer. I guess the reason mine acts the way he does is because he is in-love with himself and his beer. <BR>

Great question! I would love to find an answer to that as well. We are stuck on the same old proverbial delemma. Pastor tells me to tell him that this issue is a dead one and we cannot discuss it....as far as he is concerned then we have nothing to discuss ever! He goes on the rampage that I want to be in control of everything...sigh. Nope, just don't feel I need to be treated like some harlot or porn queen. This body is near 50 and I have little desire to run around the beach nude or in a thong bikini. <P>I want to honr Pastor in that he tells me I need to follow through on Matt. 18 and bring 2-3 witnesses to my husband before I make the move to leave and go to an apartment before I lose all love for this guy. Please pray with me on this. I know it is scriptural, but I find myself also concerned about the need to honor my husband as well and how humiliating such a thing would be. The other piece to that is that we don't know 2-3 other people well enough to share the whole story, his side as well as mine. I just can't get a peace about this. <P>

Honoring our husbands does not necessary mean preventing the logical consequences of their sins from bothering them. When he has failed to honor or respect you, it is far kinder to wake him up and give him total consciousness of the the reality he has created before forcing him to face such drastic consequences.<P>Sounds like you are too isolated in your problems. Maybe you need to confide in some friends, make some acquaintances of his a bit closer so you will have your witnesses?<P>Does he have any sane friends who are sympathetic to his leanings? They <I>may</I> be the most helpful to explaining his abuse of you and how it is not appropriate, even though they understand his love of nudity.<P>I'll be praying today for you to be led to the right people to help you with this.<P>((((((((((SueB)))))))))) <P>I've missed your interesting and inspiring posts lately!<BR>

Hi! Mind if I post my responses? <BR>Q. 12 Tell your husband that you are going to start to pray for him in a new and positive way, and ask him to share with you any prayer requests he has. Write down what his reaction was and what requests he shared.<BR>**I told him this, and he was a bit taken off guard, but hardly surprised. I openly share my faith with him. He wanted me to pray about his health, for he is concerned about some symptoms he's had.<P>Q. 13 Do you see your husband as anything less than a beloved son of God? Explain.<P>**Well, honestly , yes. I suppose I don't look at him as a "child of God" because he refuses to acknowledge the Father. Of course, that doesn't change how God feels about him...food for thought...<P><BR>14) Look up Proverbs 21:19 and underline it in your Bible. Are there any issues in your marriage where you find yourself registering the same complaint or criticism over and over? <BR>**Oh yes...there are. I tend to get on him about his dealings with the kids..he's harsh and brutal, in my opinion. In the past I've been on him constantly about meeting my needs, but that has stopped. I am aware of how valid that Scripture is, so I try not to nag him.<P>Write a prayer asking God to show you when to speak about each matter and when to just keep silent and pray.<P>**Great and Wonderous Lord:<P>You created oceans, mountains and baby ducks...you made the intricate freeways of veins and vessels in the human body, and surely you planned human emotion to be complicated. You knew before the creation of time that *I* would feel the way I do when I talk to H. <P>As the Creator of my emotions, and the Caretaker of my heart, I pray, Father, that you guide my mouth-tell it when to open and when to remain closed. <P>No matter how many times he falls asleep when I'm weeping, or stares at me blankly as if it's physically painful for him to listen to my feelings-God, I pray for patience and peace that only You can provide. My Comforter, my Rock, my GOD. In Jesus' HOLY name...AMEN.<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>"Love...bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...LOVE NEVER FAILS..."-ICorinthians13:7,8