Last night H and I stayed up late "talking". First talking, then escalating, then calm, then hurt, then finally some degree of resolution. The conversation was about my EN for conversation and affection. He tends to do that plant watering method, giving me a hug and kiss, saying I love you, then doing his own thing the rest of the day. He spent 3 days (his only 3 days off) on his computer. I was busy, but even when I was home he would smile and say hello, but was obviously unavailable. <P>He has made some efforts, like he sat down to spend a few minutes with me before I went to bed. Of course, this was after 3 days of feeling ignored, and he was frustrated that "I turned it into one of THOSE discussions.."<P>He doesn't understand that I *need* to be able to express my feelings through conversation...not to be stared at blankly like he'd rather have a root canal than sit and listen. I need him to participate and talk to me about things..about everyting, really!<P>In his mind , this is painful and it always ends up in frustration and a fight. <P>To me, he doesn't have a good attitude (the reason he doesn't participate and just "knows" it will end badly), and if he cared about me and truly loved me, he'd at least try to change his mindset a little and TALK to me without playing the martyr. <P>NOW...POPW says to not make any demands, any suggetions, to just SHUT UP and pray. Harley says to express your needs.<P>Which is right??<P>Do any of you face this dilemma?<P>Thanks again dear sisters!<P>------------------<BR>"Love...bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...LOVE NEVER FAILS..."-ICorinthians13:7,8

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Delivered! wrote<P><B>POPW says to not make any demands, any suggetions, to just SHUT UP and pray. Harley says to express your needs.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Can you see a difference between making suggestions and expressing your needs? Making suggestions is telling him what you want him to do. Expressing your needs is telling him how you are feeling.<P>Express carefully, after prayer. Pray for the influence of the Holy Ghost in knowing when to express your feelings and for inspiration as to what to say. <P>If God says, "Shut up and pray some more," then don't express. If He says, "Go for it!" or, "Say 'I'm feeling lonely and ignored.'" then talk. Carefully, respectfully, without LB's and using "I" language.<P>The only difference, if there is one that I can see, it that POPW has you get the go-ahead from God first. Both systems have you fixing your own flaws first and approaching your spouse in humility asking for forgiveness. <P>You have no right to ask another to change if you won't take on the challenge first.

I agree with Karenna, <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Express carefully, after prayer. Pray for the influence of the Holy Ghost in knowing when to express your feelings and for inspiration as to what to say<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>It's hard to refrain from telling them what you would like for them to do or not do, but the effect of praying first then expressing your feelings when the Lord says to is so much better. <BR>