I got these free tips from New Life Ministries....... (Hey, they had HNHN as the feature book of the week on their main page)<P><B><BR>24 Guidelines for Resolving Conflicts in Marriage<BR>Excerpted from 7 Secrets of a Happy Family<BR>by Paul Meier and Richard Meier<P><BR>1. Sincerely commit your lives to Jesus Christ as Lord.<P>2. Consider the marriage a life-long commitment, just as Christ is <BR>eternally committed to His bride, the Church.<P>3. Agree to always listen to each other’s feelings, even if you disagree <BR>with the appropriateness of those feelings.<P>4. Commit yourselves to both honesty and acceptance.<P>5. Determine to attempt to love each other unconditionally, with each <BR>partner assuming 100 percent of the responsibility for resolving marital <BR>conflicts (the 50/50 concept seldom works).<P>6. Consider all the factors in a conflict before bringing it up with your <BR>mate.<P>7. Confess any personal sin in the conflict to Christ before confronting <BR>your mate.<P>8. Limit the conflict to the here and now – never bring up past failures, <BR>since all past failures should have already been forgiven.<P>9. Eliminate the following phrases from your vocabulary:<P>a. "You never" or "You always"<P>b. "I can’t" (always substitute "I won’t")<P>c. "I’ll try" (usually means "I’ll make a half-hearted effort but won’t <BR>quite succeed")<P>d. "You should" or "You shouldn’t" (these are parent-to-child statements).<P>10. Limit the discussion to the one issue that is the center of the <BR>conflict.<P>11. Focus on that issue rather than attacking each other.<P>12. Ask your mate if he would like some time to think about the conflict <BR>before discussing it (but never put it off past bedtime – see Eph. 4:26).<P>13. Each mate should use "I feel ..." messages, expressing his response to <BR>whatever words or behavior aroused the conflict. For example, "I feel <BR>angry toward you for coming home late for supper without calling me first" <BR>is an adult-to-adult message, whereas "You should always call me when <BR>you’re going to be late for supper" is a parent-to-child message. A parent-<BR>to-child message will cause the mate to become defensive.<P>14. Never say anything derogatory about your mate’s personality. Proverbs <BR>11:12 tells us that he who despises (belittles) his neighbor lacks sense <BR>(NASB).<P>15. Even though your mate won’t always be correct, consider your mate an <BR>instrument of God, working in your life. Proverbs 12:1 says, He who hates <BR>reproof is stupid (NASB).<P>16. Never counterattack, even if your mate does not follow these <BR>guidelines.<P>17. Don’t tell your mate why you think he or she does what he does (unless <BR>he asks you), but rather stick to how you feel about what he does.<P>18. Don’t try to read your mate’s mind. If you’re not sure what he meant <BR>by something he said, ask him to clarify it.<P>19. Commit yourselves to follow the instructions carefully in the "Dealing <BR>with Anger Biblically" section of this chapter. This will help you avoid <BR>depression, which results in increased irritability and increased martial <BR>conflicts.<P>20. Be honest about your true emotions, but keep them under control. <BR>Proverbs 29:11 says, A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds <BR>it back (NASB). Proverbs 15:18 says, A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, <BR>but the slow to anger pacifies contention (NASB).<P>21. Remember that the resolution of the conflict is what is important, not <BR>who wins or loses. If the conflict is resolved, you both win. You’re on <BR>the same team, not opposing, competing teams.<P>22. Agree with each other on what topics are "out of bounds" because they <BR>are too hurtful or have already been discussed (for example, in-laws, <BR>continued obesity, and so on).<P>23. Pray about each conflict before discussing it with your mate.<P>24. Commit yourselves to carefully learn and practice these 24 guidelines <BR>for "fighting fair" in marriage and agree with each other to call "foul" <BR>whenever one of you accidentally or purposefully breaks one of these <BR>guidelines. (You may choose to agree on a dollar fine for each violation!)</B><P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy