after 26 years of marriage...4 beautiful children...even a grandchild...my husband confessed to me...as a result of pressure from God...that he had been living a double lifestyle for most of our marriage...that of a homosexual. i had written this letter once before and now it is difficult to write everything I did before...He wants to give up the way he was living...and it has been over a year since I found out. I want to forgive...but the trust is so hard... and the pain is so great sometimes that I find myself reeling and wondering at the promise that God will not give us more than we can handle...I have no particular question at this point...I don't want anyone to advise me..."what are you crazy? forget it ...He will never change...get out of it" because I have heard all that even on the Christian chats....obviously...I am looking for anonymity...and for anyone else who is like me...and I covet prayer right now...<P>------------------<BR>jull

When I was a Social Worker in WA, one of my dear elderly patients had the same experience only her spouse had no desire to change. Her family could not understand why she did not cry when he died for it was not something she could tell anyone. I was the first and last person she told. It was an interesting thing as I look back, for, in my second marriage, my husband shared similar information to me. I wasn't a Christian yet and I know I didn't handle it well at all. To be able to minister to her as she was dying to release all pain and bittnerness before she met Him face to face was such a blessing, and I found I had to let go of my own sin and hardness of heart in that process.<P>I don't see your situation as one needing advise for your husband has exposed the darkness to light in a desire to honor and come clean that what was hidden. You are welcome to write to me at eramhoff@home.com to sort out all the things you are dealing with if you desire to do so. I guess the thing that I see here is that you have shared your grief, admitted that you feel overwhelmed, have been very straight forward that you do not desire pity or condemnation for you or your husband, and you are sharing here at a time when we are growing through the boundaries thread, which shows me that perhaps you are trying to figure out how to honor him and yourself in this whole thing, so that you can continue the process of rebuilding. You know the source of your strength and perhaps He has drawn you here to grow out of your pain.<P>Father, thank you that Jull has posted here in this forum and is allowing us an opportunity to minister to her in her time of strife and pain. Father, show us how to minister to her with Your wisdom and how to love her through this trial, so that she may in turn love others and be able to smile and have joy through this journey. Father, when darkness is exposed, there is no shame for you have given us such grace and mercy. Let the heavens rejoice that this husband is breaking out of bondage and sharing with his wife of his youth. Cover them during this rebuilding process Father, that they may be protected while healing occurs. Gird them in Your strength and pour love over them is a mighty way, for love covers a multitude of sins. Help this couple to keep in perspective that you regard all sin as an abomination and that you do not scale such things as more weighty than another, for you have said that there is only one sin that has no forgiveness. Be glorified during this process Father. IJN, Amen.<p>[This message has been edited by SueB (edited August 15, 2000).]

Jull, thank you for joining us here on the board. I believe that many of us have had the unwanted advice that others feel the need to impart. I have in my own situation and spent several years not sharing with anyone but the Lord. Coming here has been a blessing as others here are seeking God's way through their heartache. I read a book last summer that I bought at a used christian book store. It was titled "Double Life". this book was a story written by a woman in circumstances similar to yours. It was an awesome story of how God brought her through her trial and blessed her (and ultimately her husband). We all have felt that what we are going through is far too close to the "too much" mark, however God is faithful. I will be praying for you...

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SueB:<BR><B>When I was a Social Worker in WA, one of my dear elderly patients had the same experience only her spouse had no desire to change. Her family could not understand why she did not cry when he died for it was not something she could tell anyone. I was the first and last person she told. It was an interesting thing as I look back, for, in my second marriage, my husband shared similar information to me. I wasn't a Christian yet and I know I didn't handle it well at all. To be able to minister to her as she was dying to release all pain and bittnerness before she met Him face to face was such a blessing, and I found I had to let go of my own sin and hardness of heart in that process.<P>I don't see your situation as one needing advise for your husband has exposed the darkness to light in a desire to honor and come clean that what was hidden. You are welcome to write to me at eramhoff@home.com to sort out all the things you are dealing with if you desire to do so. I guess the thing that I see here is that you have shared your grief, admitted that you feel overwhelmed, have been very straight forward that you do not desire pity or condemnation for you or your husband, and you are sharing here at a time when we are growing through the boundaries thread, which shows me that perhaps you are trying to figure out how to honor him and yourself in this whole thing, so that you can continue the process of rebuilding. You know the source of your strength and perhaps He has drawn you here to grow out of your pain.<P>Father, thank you that Jull has posted here in this forum and is allowing us an opportunity to minister to her in her time of strife and pain. Father, show us how to minister to her with Your wisdom and how to love her through this trial, so that she may in turn love others and be able to smile and have joy through this journey. Father, when darkness is exposed, there is no shame for you have given us such grace and mercy. Let the heavens rejoice that this husband is breaking out of bondage and sharing with his wife of his youth. Cover them during this rebuilding process Father, that they may be protected while healing occurs. Gird them in Your strength and pour love over them is a mighty way, for love covers a multitude of sins. Help this couple to keep in perspective that you regard all sin as an abomination and that you do not scale such things as more weighty than another, for you have said that there is only one sin that has no forgiveness. Be glorified during this process Father. IJN, Amen.<P>[This message has been edited by SueB (edited August 15, 2000).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SueB:<BR><B>When I was a Social Worker in WA, one of my dear elderly patients had the same experience only her spouse had no desire to change. Her family could not understand why she did not cry when he died for it was not something she could tell anyone. I was the first and last person she told. It was an interesting thing as I look back, for, in my second marriage, my husband shared similar information to me. I wasn't a Christian yet and I know I didn't handle it well at all. To be able to minister to her as she was dying to release all pain and bittnerness before she met Him face to face was such a blessing, and I found I had to let go of my own sin and hardness of heart in that process.<P>I don't see your situation as one needing advise for your husband has exposed the darkness to light in a desire to honor and come clean that what was hidden. You are welcome to write to me at eramhoff@home.com to sort out all the things you are dealing with if you desire to do so. I guess the thing that I see here is that you have shared your grief, admitted that you feel overwhelmed, have been very straight forward that you do not desire pity or condemnation for you or your husband, and you are sharing here at a time when we are growing through the boundaries thread, which shows me that perhaps you are trying to figure out how to honor him and yourself in this whole thing, so that you can continue the process of rebuilding. You know the source of your strength and perhaps He has drawn you here to grow out of your pain.<P>Father, thank you that Jull has posted here in this forum and is allowing us an opportunity to minister to her in her time of strife and pain. Father, show us how to minister to her with Your wisdom and how to love her through this trial, so that she may in turn love others and be able to smile and have joy through this journey. Father, when darkness is exposed, there is no shame for you have given us such grace and mercy. Let the heavens rejoice that this husband is breaking out of bondage and sharing with his wife of his youth. Cover them during this rebuilding process Father, that they may be protected while healing occurs. Gird them in Your strength and pour love over them is a mighty way, for love covers a multitude of sins. Help this couple to keep in perspective that you regard all sin as an abomination and that you do not scale such things as more weighty than another, for you have said that there is only one sin that has no forgiveness. Be glorified during this process Father. IJN, Amen.<P>[This message has been edited by SueB (edited August 15, 2000).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Jull, see the little picutre of paper with a pencil near the top of your post? If you click on that you can edit your message. underneath where the quote ends, put your message. Hang in there girl, this forum takes some getting used to!

Dear sue, I wept when I read your reply and I wrote you a very lengthy letter when all of a sudden the aol went off and I lost it I am a terrible ypist and I certainly don't want to risk writing all of it again to loose it once more....the gist of it is I was overwhelmed with the love in your reply...it was so what I needed to hear...thank-you. I do have a major prayer request....in the course of all thesse trials and years of yo-yo dieting...I am over100 pounds overweight....it is the greatest of my concerns at this point because it so contrbutes to my feeling undesirable...I have been unable to function sexually without the worst of images coming into my head which make me feel even worse....I am desperate to loose weight...but I am caught in the grip of it....plus I woerk nights and I am back and forth on a weird schedule...Please...to make this short...pray for me...the prayers of the righteous availeth much...In the love of God...Jull

Tips for not losing posts:<P>1. The back button sometimes works wonders.<BR>2. Write it in notepad or wp then paste it in.<BR>3. When writing in the real field, post early and often. When it starts getting longish or taking a while, I post a beginning then go into edit mode to keep adding parts. (Delete the prior edit notations.)<P><BR>I don't use aol, but it seems that those who do have more problems losing posts than those who don't.<P>I'm praying for you Jull! This is quite a trial. Self-control, defining our own boundaries and such are definitely issues you want to work through in a supportive environment like this. Keep posting.<P>------------------<BR>A true friend is one who not only is willing to love us the way we are, but is able to leave us better than he found us.

Hi Jull,<P>Oddly this is the first time that I have ever visited this forum, your's is the first post I have ever read (in this forum). You don't want any advice so I won't give any, except to say that there is help, online, in books and through groups for people in your situation. If you change your mind I can provide information.<P>Take care and enjoy that grandchild.

Father, again we thank you for the opportunity to pray for our sister with the burden that she has laid forth. Father, we make no excuses for the things we do to cope with painful things and we know we hurt ourselves in the process. Father, this day you are healing Jull in a mighty way and we are grateful. Father, her big concern at this point is her weight and so Father we ask that you fill her her to overflowing with your wonderous love, that she is able to be satisfied and able to break and resist the habits that she has acquired in the past and go forward in her journey of rebuilding her marriage with confidence. We thank you that with you nothing is impossible. IJN, Amen.<P>Jull, what would be most helpful to you in this process? How can we be supportive in your journey? (Sent you an email)

Jull,<BR>I really feel for you. I have a lot of gay men friends and I love them dearly. One couple in particular is older (actually one of them died last year at age 70 something). They had been together for 18 years -- left their wives and children for another man. I just can't imagine how their wives and kids felt. My friends were very happy together. <P>Jull, what's happening to you is something that's happened to many many women before you. In the case of my older friends, being "out of the closet" was not really an option 50 years ago. Although things have changed, all kinds of social pressures exist for gay men. Most people try to do the right thing, and getting married is usually considered right. Your H has confided in you. Granted, it's not what you want to hear, but at least he told you. That has to be better than living a lie. I hope with all my heart that you will find happiness again on whatever path you follow. <BR>