Dear ALL,<P>My H's adultery started one pissed drunk night when his staff set upon him and the marriage vows were violated. The adultery lasted two years sustained by blackmails of telling the wife, and the company, etc.. It ended with the banshee kniving WS in public and landing in prison, and the affair was exposed. WS is repentant and even more guilty when my father passed away soon because banshee screamed at my father and revealed the affair to him. My father was hospitalised with chest pains and died soon after from complications.<P>Upon discovery of the affair, my family and us prayed and I committed WS to God to bless him to become a faithful and examplary father and husband. However, I had a breakdown soon after and kept having chronic thoughts of killing myself and baby. Our church pastor helped us to sort out the initial shock of the adultery. <P>I was totally unprepared for the story of blackmails and I still cannot accept them today. I am still sane, although I actually went to the brink of madness and back once, and was saved because through the storm I heard God's voice. For a long time (during the adultery), I kept having visions (of the act and the name of the banshee) and several dreams (which were stories that appeared in the newspapers the next day). I was scared and called up some friends to clarify, and they weren't sure but said could be 'word of knowledge'. It didn't make sense until after the adultery was known to me, and I had another revelation that linked all those many dreams and visions to give me a clear understanding of God's amazing Grace and how he actually prepared me through the WS adultery and pregnancy. I was also left with a message "'Tis far better to have heard God's voice than to have the love of man".<P>We went to healing ministries and I was healed of the emotional trauma. The pastor was truly anionted and said a sword had been driven into our marriage and we have to decide what we want to do about the marriage. If we intend to stay in the marriage, we have to make God central in it.<P>I left the healing seminar feeling totally free from the trauma, the fire and violence and suicidal thoughts were all gone. I was free, the captive in the prison.<P>However, to this day, I cannot accept the blackmail theories, I cannot understand how he said it is not an affair, she is not a mistress, but that it was adultery in a hostage situation. He claimed that Jesus saw his suffering the two years and that he was only trying to protect me from the knowledge which he was sure would hurt me too much. HE said he wanted to kill banshee when he couldn't persuade it to stop. <P>I kept asking him all these often and he kept sticking to the stories. How do I really get the peace that these are all true? I have really never come across such a bombastic and incredible story. WS said we had a golden marriage and I was a golden find but for his unwished drunkeness, he fell into a rut which he couldn't get out of. The hurts for me were too much as I felt very neglected at that time as he went on many trips and they were with banshee (he said they were official business trips and he had little choice but to bring it along). I reflect back to those times and there was a period when I was pregnant and had so much problems reaching him on his cell phone which he had switched off because he didn't want to speak to me in the presence of the evil thing (as he called banshee). But I am so saddened because I could have had an emergency anytime. <P>I really cannot picture a man just reacting to some evil thing and doing all he can to 'shut her up and get rid of her'. Our pastors believe him and said that it is a rare case but that the situation is possible given my WS's status and other stuff. So, the pastors believe that banshee schemed to get WS and take over the house and everything, that is why banshee refused to let go because she wanted it all.<P>Now everything that went on in the last two years begin to take on a significance for me because I saw how hurtful and deceptive and terribly cruel he had been to me and baby. If not for baby, I would really have left him.<P>How do I believe because it is important to do so; it will set me free and give me the peace which I do not yet have.<P>I pray that Jesus would send me some answers to my predicament. I was thinking of fasting and praying and further counselling as well. <P>God Bless You<BR>weep<p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited October 17, 2000).]

Weep,<P>Your h's story is pretty much the same as the one my h gave me. I was just like you and just couldn't buy the blackmail part. My h said he lived in fear for the entire length of the affair......fear that he would lose me and the children. He said if he didn't do everything he could to keep her happy she would blow the whistle on him.<P>In the end she did just that. She got tired of waiting for him to leave me and after 11 1/2 years she came to our house and tried to destroy our marriage by revealing the affair. <P>Guess what? She lost! She didn't realize that I had Jesus as my Savior, Defender, Deliverer, Sustainer, High Tower, and best of all my friend!<P>If you read in Proverbs 4-6 you will see many references to the adulteress and the way she works. There are also many places in the bible which refer to sin being a trap. I truly believe the blackmail scenario because it is exactly what the Lord says will happen when you succumb to the wiles of the adulteress.<P>Ask God to show you His truth Weep. Your situation sounds so familiar to mine and where it isn't the usual chain of events it does happen. My h states he never cared for the OW, it was just to be a one night stand. He became trapped in his own deceitfulness by a woman who wanted a man and gave up almost 12 years of her life trying to keep him.<P>If I can help you through this I will. Just know that I went through the same soul searching. I wanted to believe him but couldn't until I saw God's exact description. Basically God is warning men and telling them exactly what will happen. Oh, if we would but heed His word!<P>Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

Dear Taj,<P>Thank you for your reply and offer to help me to come to a point of knowing the truth through God. <P>I only started lifting my hands up to worship after being healed of my emotional trauma. Shortly after the full impact of the adultery hit me, I couldn't worship God, and could only pray for my baby and godchildren. But God is merciful and despite my very little faith, he reached out to heal me of my emotional trauma. Another healing day, we brought our baby up to be healed of the trauma and curses that banshee put on baby, but when the pastor reached us (he was a guest preacher from another ministry), we asked him to pray for our baby. But he said no, God wants to pray for you as a family first and spoke about a sword being driven into our marriage, etc.. Then he touched baby and said 'God make you whole again', and for about the first time, baby cried. Baby hardly cries and acts very grown up because we were the ones crying and fighting all the time while baby comforts us and tries to be the grown up. It really breaks my heart.<P>As for my WS, I really cannot understand why he fell to temptation just because he was drunk - he knew who was in the bed. Just because banshee said that after once you didn't want to have sex again, your wife will be informed....How can an intelligent man think that the wife would rather hear that he still wanted after the first time? WOuldn't he advice someone in the same situation that it is better to run away the first time than for your wife to know that 'after the first sex encounter, you still want more?' WS claimed that he hated the act, he didn't enjoy it one bit, he tried to get the act over within 5 to 10 minutes and he felt humiliated and was like a prostitute to the evil thing.<P>WS said the adultery was like living in a twilight zone. Banshee threatened baby's and my life, and made life unbearable for him at the office. All these because he rejected banshee time and time again. The pastor describe it as WS playing with fire and it got out of hand. <P>How does one overcome the betrayal that the husband can actually get into sex with someone else even as he said he loved you very very much before the adultery? I won't go have sex with someone if I love my spouse. I just feel he is so unworthy of baby's and my love and commitment.<P>The marriage is dead and all memories soured because of the horrid adultery. It really is the pits - the banshee actually looks positively evil and WS said 'ugly and horrible and I hated the evil thing, never loved, never cared for it. I just fell to temptation. As long as there is a pair of breasts and a man; there is temptation.'<P>I am horrified at the depth of the betrayal because WS seemed to take the sex acts as 'the evil thing wanted it and I did it to shut her up and get rid of her. There were suicide attempts and fights.' Did he made the banshee out to be so horrible and he often repeated that he was not the aggressor? Does it matter that he is not the aggressor? WS said that it was because he was rejecting it all the time that banshee became desperate and clung on because banshee must have thought that after the sex, WS would want the sex again and again. WHy would a woman (WS said she is a thing, not a woman) be so cheap and keep wanting sex - WS said he didn't know and didn't care and that it was probably either a nymphomaniac or seeking to destroy our marriage.<P>I wonder what made banshee so desperate for the sex? WS said that it was the evil thing's self esteem, couldn't take rejection. I thought sadly that maybe the sex was great and banshee just kept wanting it. How could WS do it when the banshee is positively treacherous? How can a man even be turned on to have sex with such a beastly woman? WS said that is why he is so full of self-hatred and feels so cheap.<P>How can someone lead a double-life like that? I believe that my commitment to the marriage and WS made me blind to his double life and faults and thought that I could trust him 110%. All through our marriage, we prayed together almost every night he is not travelling. He even, during his adultery, pray that Jesus continue to keep us faithful to each other - how could he pray such a deceitful prayer just so that I thought he was totally faithful?<P>I hope this is not all confusing and long. I don't expect you to answer everything at one sitting. Thank you again for being there. I was praying last night that God will send me one answer and one would be enough just so that I can talk about my concerns with someone who understands what I am going through. (I dreamt last night that my WS passed away and I was happy that my wish came true but at the same time agonised over how to care for my baby. I also dreamt that someone wanted to kill my baby when I was pregnant. It was a horrible nightmare! Must have eaten too much before bed).

Weep,<P>I really don't know where to start to respond to your post. I need to ask some questions first.<P>Has your h acknowledged this affair as sin? Even if he doesn't see it as an affair, it was against God's will. If he is just making excuses for his behavior and calling it blackmail then he has not experienced the godly sorrow that would bring healing.<P>I know that same question bothered me for a long time and still does if I dwell on it. Why if he didn't want to be with the ow did he stay with her? Talk about a double life, my h did two of every holiday, ate dinner with her and then came home to my dinner table. She packed his lunch every morning after he climbed out of my warm bed and went to hers. The reality is Weep, if I dwell on this garbage it would drive me nuts.<P>I felt alot of the same things in hindsight as I thought of all the times he hurt me and put me on guilt trips while he was living in sin. I was blinded by love. I do not believe in blind love anymore. We are all capable of some horrible things and I will never look at my h as perfect again, he is a mere human being whom I happen to be in love with.<P>Weep, did you read the verses in Proverbs I mentioned? They will help you see the tactics that the devil uses to trap men. That doesn't take responsibility away but it shows you how they can get trapped in their own deceit.<P>In regards to the ow they will go to any extreme to get their way. The lowest form of sex to the highest form of flattery. Believe me they can do whatever it takes. When one has no morals or integrity there is no holds barred.<P>Like I said though, God is the difference that brought my h home. God in my life is more powerful then anything this world offers.<P>One other thing Weep, God can give you new memories. He will eventually dull the hurtful ones, no, they won't go away completely but a scar will form over them. The scar will remind you that the healing came from God alone. Give all of the awful thoughts to God moment by moment. I sometimes had hundreds a day that I had to give to God. Just say, Lord I can't handle this.....He'll take it from there.<P>Father, there is so much hurt in this family. The evil one has taken ground which is not his. In Jesus Name ask that You would bring true conviction and healing to this marriage. If there is still deceit then reveal it with You word of truth. Help Weep to give all of these hurtful thoughts to You and replace them with Your Peace. "Whatever things are lovely, whatever things are true, whatever things are just...think in these things." May your grace be sufficient for this family today and each day as they go forward in Your strength.<BR>IJN<P>Weep, spend as much time as you can in the Word. God needs to give You his direction.<P>Blessings, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

Dear Taj,<P>I read Proverb 4-6, and it is like a devil-woman. That is why it is so scary.<P>WS was also given similar verses to read and I think that is why lately he said "I drank from the sewers when I had good water at home'.<P>WS's initial response on being found out was crying and kneeling at my feet several times and begging for forgiveness. I then told my family and they came over to pray with us. WS felt deep SHAME and was ANGRY that I told anyone. He wanted us to run away and hide his face in another town. I wouldn't as I wasn't sure that I wanted to stay with him. My family arranged for a church pastor trained in marital counselling who could counsel from home (as I was nursing baby). The pastor coached WS to understand his sin against God.<P>I became increasingly violent (I think later that it could have been transferrance of soulish ties as in 1Corintnians 6:16 (If WS lie with prostitute and bind as one). I became something I never recognised. At this moment I begin to come to an understanding that these soulish ties must have been transferred ONLY when I start hating my spouse and became bitter and unforgiving and these characteristics magnified in me - abusive, suicidal, murder, rejection, low self-esteem, anger, unreasonableness, etc.. My friend said that that could have been the aftermath of knowing about the A or because of the birth hormones. My WS said that I was behaving exactly like her and he was terrified and kept saying that I let Satan into my head all the time. <P>Even as I pray to God to help me understand my lack of self control, I couldn't stop the pits of fire, rage and violence and suicidal thoughts in my stomach. I never knew I was capable of physical abuse and even repeated thoughts of killing baby and myself (banshee had said that before), and many times I had to pray to Jesus and look at my baby to stop myself from going into the kitchen to get the knife to kill WS (banshee was imprisoned when she knived WS in public).<P>I couldn't recover even as I prayed and the pastors were having a difficult time getting me to accept the adultery. I was healed of emotional trauma recently - when WS INSISTED that I go forward for the healing. You see, other times, when I go forward, WS would be ANGRY and HISSED that all I want to do was embarrass and complain about his adultery, to the point that I really didn't care about going to church and reading the bible anymore.<P>WS was very PROUD and kept saying to the elders in church that he has a high level of tolerance and will be able to take a lot of pain and abuse, etc.. They let him know that he has sinned against GOD first, then his wife and family. That God will break him until he acknowledges that God is supreme and God will strike him if he continues to use God's name in vain. WS was STUNNED. <P>You see, WS thought that I was lying about the visions and dreams and kept saying that 'How can God talk to you? How do you know it is God? You are blaspheming!'. I told WS that Blaspheming is the last thing I want to do and to make up stories is disgusting. I also told of of my sister's vision of the affair situation and a wicked woman with a scheme and drinking in XXX country was for real as well. Why would my sister say such horrible things if it were not real? WS had no answer to those. Gradually, WS began to become AFRAID of God's power and I think he was afraid to recognise that God is to be FEARED. <BR>WS said that at the time of the temptation, he was not close to God, he did not Fear God. Now that he had a nightmare of an adultery, he is certain that God punished him.<P>Because WS considers himself a person of high intellect, good looks, charm and achievement, he thought that he alone was good enough to persuade the banshee to stop. What sort of persuasion was that?<P>In a nutshell, my reply to your answer about WS's repentance is it went from shame, sorrow, remorse, regret, coached to repentance, embarrassment, anger, recognise sin against God, full repentance, self hatred, anger, bearing some fruits of repentance,..., going to bible study classes that I arranged for him. <P>I will tell him about God's will and doing God's will. He was a Christian but now I think he has confessed that he didn't really accept God as supremely powerful. I think WS believed there is a Creator but that he is not that REAL in the sense that he reads every thought and sees every deed and that we are accountable to God. WS didn't take the devil evil schemes seriously enough and he thought that he alone can account for his actions. Now he knows God is REAL, he has recieved the gift of the Holy Spirit and deliverance from real life threatening situations. God was merciful and brought miracles to WS even as we all prayed for them.<P>Thank you for ploughing through and your prayers. You are right, I have become very tired and slow to read His Word although I am doing bible study together with WS and the church elders.<P>God bless you and shine upon your face<BR>take care<BR>weep

Weep,<P>I don't know what your time line is, by that I mean how long since discovery. For me it has been almost 4 years. I don't think we really got beyond the deep hurt until 1 year ago. That is a long time!<P>I say this because I think many people believe that life can go on as usual in a few months. I think it takes years. When someone dies they say that grief takes hold for 2 years. Hey, adultery is murdering a marriage and that certainly means grief to me.<P>If you and your spouse are looking to Jesus then give Him the time frame. God knows what it will take for healing for both of you. I believe both spouses are victims, the ws certainly is a victim of their own selfishness and stupidity.<P>Keep Jesus as your focus and He will lead you through the maze. It is just that. It reminds me of all the pitfall Pilgrim met on his journey in the book "Pilgrim's Progress". The road to God is narrow and if we stray we face consequences and those consequences effect our friends and loved ones. God will lead, just lean on Him.<P>Keep in touch, Taj<P><P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

Hi Weep,<P>I found this part of the forum bc of something you posted elsewhere...thank you.<P>I hope you do not mind me intruding on your and Taj's post but I got to tell yall after reading it and the verses that where suggested I am kinda shaky.<P>I think you know my story Weep, but a quick recap...my H had EA that ended around May 99. I found out in April 99. OW had OC in Oct 99. Their affair had lasted about 1 year. OC 1st b-day is on Friday. During the affair he had been away do to military. He was in AZ and I was in TX. We are still together with our 2 year old daughter. We now are in GA.<P>About the time the affair started I also had nightmares about him with an other woman...almost every night. I ignored them since I also trusted my H 110%. I should have listed to God's warning.<P>During the time he was gone I became very close to a very dedicated and knowledgable Christian woman (who ironically was my H's next door neighbor when he was a child). She was definatelt sent to my life by God. I have grown up "Christian" and have always loved and believed in God with all my heart. But honestly I did not live the way I should have and do not know the Bible. I will say that God opened my heart and mind to him when it all hit and he gave me the grace to survive physically as well as emotionally.<P>My H's story...when he was a child he accepted Jesus into his heart, but he had a very hard life. Bc of this he was extremely angry with God. That used to be our most passionate argument sice I love my H very much and I almost felt as if his soul was at stake. He told me that he felt as if the devil and God were playing a game of chess bc they were bored and we were all chess pieces. He did nto appreciate this much. He was just so angry!<P>Anyways..I went off my original ? that I wanted to ask about. What is the deal with him becoming one with a prostitue???? What does that mean in terms of our marriage? What can we do to be one in God's eyes again? This saddens me so...I love him so much and I know God is pleased that we stayed together. It has helped my H ease up on the way he feels about God. He knows how God helped me and gave me stength, patience, love and forgiveness when I needed it the most. My H has even been to church a few times.<P>I could type for hours here, but I am sure your eyes need a break. Thank you for reading this.<P>God Bless...

Dear broken_wings<P>A pastor said that soulish ties can be broken upon FULL REPENTANCE before God and DELIVERANCE.<P>I really have to thank you for asking the Q because my family actually bought me "The power of a praying wife" by Stormie Omartian upon discovering my WS's adultery. I read one chapter and said the first prayer together with my WS upon his insistence but has since lost sight of the book. After your post, I searched high and low for it and here are some words and sample prayers I would like to share with you. I would break them into two different components in two different posts so it is easier to digest.<P>I am so happy that you have Jesus as your personal Lord and Saviour. He is ever faithful even when I was unforgiving, bitter, torn asunder and totally wrecked inside. I also believed that God knows how much each of us can shoulder and that is why you and I had those visions and dreams. I would like to discuss a little more of those dreams you had if you like because they were evidence that God took the care and love to show me that He prepared me and revealed His Presence to me. I wouldn't have been able to take the blow without that. Praise God, He knows His children well, and care so that He prepares their hearts for one of life's most cruel blows.<P>God bless you<BR>weep

CHAPTER 25 : HIS (husband) REPENTANCE<P>....Everyone makes mistakes. That's not the issue. But there is an epidemic in the world today of peole who can't admit they did something wrong. God says, "If we confes our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). But First we have to be sorry for what we've done.<P>According to God's way of doing things, there are three steps to changing our behaviour. First there is CONFESSION, which is ADMITTING what we did. Next there is REPENTANCE, which is BEING SORRY about what we did. The there is ASKING FORGIVENESS, which is BEING CLEANSED AND RELEASED from what we did. The inability or resistance to do any of these three steps is rooted in pride. A man who can't humble himself to admit he's wrong before God and before man will have problems in his life that never go away. "Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him" (Proverbs 26:12).<P>Does your husband have trouble confessing his faults? Or is he the kind of person who can say "I'm sorry" twenty times a day, yet the behaviour he apologizes for never changes? In either case, he needs a repentant heart. True repentance means having so much remorse over what you've done that you don't do it again. Only God can cause us to see our sin for what it is, and feel about it the same way He does. "The goodness of God leads you to repentance" (Romans 2:4). Repentance is a working of God's grace, and we can pray for it to be worked in our husbands.<P>Too many men have fallen because of pride and the inability to confess and repent. We see it all the time. We read about it in the newspapers. Unconfessed sin doesn't just go away. It becomes a cancer that grows and suffocates life. Pray for your husband to be convicted of his sin, to humbly confess it before God, then turn from his error and cease to do it. God is "not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:9). This kind of prayer can be very annoying to the one being prayed for, but it's far easier to have God shine His light upon our sin than it is to experience the consequences of it. Your husband will be thankful in the end, even if he won't admit it.<P>PRAYER:<BR>LORD, I pray that You would convict my husband of any error in his life. Let there be 'nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known (Matthew 10:26). Clenase him from any secret sins and teach him to be a person who is quick to confess when he is wrong (Psalm 10"12). Help him to recognise his mistakes. Give him eyes to see Your truth and ears to hear Your voice. Bring him to full repentance before You.<P>If there is suffering to be done, let it be suffering of a remorseful heart and not because the crushing hand of the enemy has found an opening into his life through unconfessed sin. Lord, I know that humility must come before honor (Proverbs 15:33). Take away all pride that would cause him to deny his faults and work into his soul a humility of heart so that he will receive the honor You have for him. IJN, Amen.

CHAPTER 26: HIS DELIVERANCE<P>....Stephanie had been married to Jason only a short time before she realised he struggled with a spirit of lust. It wasn't that he didn't love her. He was dealing with the sins of his past - a promiscuous lifestyle from which he had never thoroughly distance himself or renounced. Once she recognised it as something he was captive to, she prayed for his deliverance. Because he wanted that, too, it wasn't long before he was set free from it.<P>Everyone needs deliverance at certain times, because there are all kinds of things that can pull us into BONDAGE. God knows this. Why would Jesus have come as the Deliverer if we didn't need one? Why would He have instructed us to pray, "Deliver us from the evil one" (Matthew 6:13) if we didn't need to be? Why does He pronise to deliver us from temptation (2 Peter 2:9), the clutches of dangerous people (Psalm 34:17), our self-destructive tendencies (Proverbs 24:11), ALL of our troubles (Psalm 34 :17), and death (2 Corinthians 1:10), if He doesn't intend to do it? He is ready and willing. We just have to ask. "Call upon Me in the day of trouble: I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me" (Psalm 50:15).<P>Isn't it comforting to know that when we feel imprisoned by the death grip of our circumstances, God hears our cries for freedom? He sees our need. "He looked down from the height of His sanctuary; from heaven the LORD viewed the earth, to hear the groaning of the prisoner, to release those appointed to death" (Psalm 102:19,20). How glorious to embrace the certainty that when there seems to be no way out, God can miraculously lift us up and away from whatever is seeking to devour us (Psalm 25:15). Who doesn't need that?<P>Even if your husband finds it difficult to admit he needs help - some men feel like failures if they can't do it all themselves - your prayers can still be instrumental in his finding deliverance. You can pray to the Deliverer to set him free from anything that binds him. You can stand strong, through your prayers, against the enemy who seeks to put him into bondage. "Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage" (Galatians 5:1). The best way I know to stand strong is to put on the whole armor of God. That's the way I pray for myself and my husband and I have found it to be the most effective. Rather than explain it, let me show you how to pray it.<P><BR>PRAYER:<BR>LORD, You have said to call upon You in the day of trouble and You will deliver us (Psalm 50:15). I call upon You now and ask that You would work deliverance in my husband's life. Deliver him from anything that binds him. Set him free from (NAME A SPECIFIC THING). Deliver him quickly and be a rock of refuge and a fortress of defense to save him (Psalm 31:2). Lift him away from the hands of the enemy (Psalm 31:15).<P>Bring him to a place of understanding where he can recognise the work of evil and cry out to You for help. If the deliverance he prays for isn't immediate, keep him from discouragement and help him to be confident that You have begun a good work in him and will complete it (Philippians 1:6). Give him the certainty that even in his most hopeless state, when he finds it impossible to change anything, You, Lord, can change everything.<P><BR>Help him understand that "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12). I pray that he will be strong in the Lord and put on the whole armor of God, so he can stand against the wiles of the devil in the evil day. Help him to gird his waist with truth and put on the breastplate of righteousness, having shod his feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace. Enable him to take up the shield of faith, with which to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. I pray that he will take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful and standing strong to the end (Ephesians 6:13-18).

Dear Taj,<P>Thank you again for your insights. D-Day was quite recent and my WS thought I should be over it in a jiffy - that is why it is so hard for me to get over.<P>I will try to devote some time to praying for my marriage and WS each day. I will also ask God for His direction and wait upon Him.<P>I am much better from having spoken with you and I hope it lasts me a while. I will also be making appointments to see a therapist for my other negative feelings and seek a way out without anti depressants (haven't taken any although it was recommended).<P>Taj, is there any thing you want me to pray for you?<P>God Loves you<BR>take care<BR>weep<P>

Weep,<P>Thanks for posting on the "Power of a Praying Wife". That is the book that started this forum to begin with. I was helped immensely by the prayers and conviction which I found in this book. I return to it frequently and find Chap 1 to be a continual source of help and focus.<P>Healing is a process Weep and since you are at the beginning of your journey I know the steps are uncertain. God is so faithful though and He will guide moment by moment. I sometimes feel as if I only get light for the journey just before I need to take another step. Its like walking in the woods with a flashlight....you only see a short distance in front of you. That way I feel God is enabling us to rely solely on Him and not what we see around us or what we hear from others.<P>Yes, you could pray for my h. He has been unable, even after all this time to forgive himself and feel like he is worth anything to God. He hasn't been able to receive into his heart the forgiveness and worth that the Savior affords him. I know intellectually he believes it but in his gut he still feels worthless. I am not sure how God is going to work this out but I know He will for like I said He is Faithful!<P>Have enjoyed so much sharing with you Weep. God Bless and let me know if I can help in any way. That is what healing is all about, helping others with the help God has given us.<P>Blessings, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

Thank you Weep,<P>I have already seen a great transformation in my H since the affair has come out. God has been working on him and hard. He has even had a pastor and a few others my H sees as Godly men tell him he will be a great witness some day. That has stunned him everytime, but fills my heart with hope and joy!<P>Thank you and God bless..