We were celebrating my daughters 7th birthday tonight. My wife's mom and dad were visiting. I found out about my wifes affair last February after her folks were down for a visit. Needless to say I sensed something familiar about the visit. After they left, my wife told me she had to tell me the truth about what has been going on the past year. As far as I knew she hadn't seen the other man since last May. She told me that she had indeed still been seeing the SOB several times since then. And when I say seen, it was more then seeing that they did. Apparently she hasn't seen him lately for about a month. She said she stopped by his apt. back in October and found him with another woman. She said she finally realized what an [censored] the guy was. I could'nt help but ask her if it was just because he cheated on her. As crazy as it may sound I am relieved to finally know the truth. It sure explains why I have felt like all I have been doing was banging my head against the wall for the past year. I must be a dope of some kind or been good at doing an unknown plan A. She again claims (this is the third time she has told me she is done with the guy) that she now wants to work on the marriage and wants to know what I want her to do. I am tired of banging my head and told her it is time for her to try and win my love back. I don't plan to waste another year of banging my head and think it is time for her to make up her mind what she wants to do with her life. I know I can go on with her or with out her, but don't need to spend another year of abuse so she can run around with some looser. <P>Anyway, just felt like writing something. Not sure what else I can do, but go back to taking life one day at a time. <P>Good nite and good luck!

TimJ,<BR>Been following your story for a while. All I can say is I am sorry - and yes - men can trust their intution too.<BR>I'm glad she felt compelled to tell the truth. <BR>TNT

TimJ-how hard for you, almost like the whole thing starting all over again. I wish there was something I could do to help. The good thing is that she finally told you the truth, no secrets now so maybe the work done by you two will eventually work into something worthwhile! God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

TimJ,<P>Your W asked "what (you) want her to do"...<BR>Well she opened the darn door man!!!! <P>Get her to come to this forum!!!!<BR>If Nicole and Arik can do it...<BR>If Dylan and Deut can do it... (not <BR>stuttering here )<BR>Why can't your W and you do it... HERE!<P>Get her on board to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>.<P>Buy her, her own copy of... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> , <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>! Initially, much cheaper than counseling... but don't rule that one out either...<P>Strike while the iron is hot!!!! <P>Get her to post, reply, read....<BR>Get her to see my "welcome wagon message"... <P>Give her a chance to "come back"...<BR>You've seen the kind of encouargement we give the waywards... <P>Yes... of course the is the risk of failure... fight that fear...<P>Being naive (I fall into that category big time)... doesn't mean you can't be strong!!!<P>Think about it...<BR>Prayers your way... for fortitude!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

TimJ,<P>I know what I would do. I would have her parents come much more frequently. I am only partially joking. It seems to force her to look at reality.<P>If it were me: I would make a list up for her of what I wanted her to do.<P>1. Love me<P>2. Love me<P>3. Be my wife<P>4. Love me<P>5. Be my wife<P>6. Love me<BR>.<BR>.<BR>.<P>and so forth. Again seriously, if you want the marriage to work, ask her some serious questions and see if the two of you can understand what both of you need to do to make this work. But when all is said and done all I would really want is items 1. through 6. and beyond .<P>Good luck to you. It sounds like your patience and love are beginning to turn the tide. It is time to press on toward the goal line. (I would definitely have the in-laws out more often .<P>God Bless You and Your Family

Tim: Sorry you having to deal with this all over again. It seems that the clock has been set back again. But, at least you know the truth. If your W truly want to re-commit, I sure hope she gives it her 110%. Hang in there!

Thanks all for the replies. I couldn't find this post so I reposted again. Anyway, one good thing about going through this again is that it is alot easier to go through this time nowing what the process is all about. This time I didn't have to catch her or figure out was was going on, she finally told me. Now I need to go back and try and work on learning to trust her all over again. I guess what kept me from obsessing about her and the other man before was that I finally convinced myself that there wasn't much I could do about it and realized that one way or anther I would find out the truth. I guess I was right. I guess now I just keep trying. It is tough to do right now though.