My husband started having and PA in January 2000. He had been "falling in love" with the OW since before then. He even works with her in the emergency department at our local hospital. <P>H has moved out at my request because he cannot stop calling or going to see this person from time to time. He says he is trying to stop. He says he wants to work things out. He tells me that in the middle of this affair that he fell back in love with me.<P>Yesterday we bought camping equipment and boating equipment to us for the summer just like he intended for us and our kids to spend the summer together. He talked about when we're not busy, he would work on his antique car with a friend.<P>He comes back from a motorcyle ride last evening and says he's having a BAD DAY. That's what he calls it when he needs to see or talk to OW. Well what about the days that I have. Every day is a bad day when I live with the fact that my husband is still in love with another woman and he won't come home because of it. Talk about your BAD DAYS.<P>Sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes it's hard to do a successful plan A when you feel like ****. I know that my husband spends almost all of his free time here at our house when he could be with her, but it is very depressing to here him say it's a BAD DAY.

Yeah, I've been there and heard that. But, regardless of how you feel about it, he IS going to have bad days, and need to talk about them. It is tough, but if you can listen calmly and share your feelings togther & remain supportive & loving, YOU are being his friend, his confidante, the person he most trusts with his feelings...all good.<P>Hang in there!!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hawaiiandream:<BR><B>Every day is a bad day when I live with the fact that my husband is still in love with another woman </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>I feel your pain - I literally went crazy when I read those words from my wife to her ex boyfriend. I wish I had advice for you but I don't - I dread to tell you that you are at the bottom of the hill. Just read others posts, absorb the information and suggestions from this board and keep you mind occupied with that information and/or God. Kams advice is good stuff - she has the right outlook.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by thenewbie (edited May 23, 2000).]

yeah, it eats me up to hear and see that H is doing poorly over OW, and usually blaming me for all of it...<BR>that's why we come here, to let it out and keep up the happy face for the betrayer...he needs you as his best friend, though it might seem like he needs a kick in the butt even more <P>------------------<BR><A HREF="http://www.go.to/wcu" TARGET=_blank>loveWASblind</A>

Yeah, the kick IS tempting...<P>But, ya gotta decide if you want "justice" or to rebuild a loving, strong marraige. <P>I admit, at times it is a tough choice...

Hey, I got some good news for you.<P>Remember Pavlov's dogs from psych classes? Well we as humans start to associate feelings, memories and people togethre as conditioned responces as well. The more times he is feeling bad and goes to OW the more he is conditioning himself to the fact that OW goes hand in hand with feeing bad. If he is not ith you when he has a bad day but rather is with you when he has a good day, he is associating you with feeling good. Help this along by making sure you are there when he is up and help make al the time together as plesant as possible. This is actually working in your favor! You can't fix all his bad days because sometimes we sort of enjoy feeling a little off. But if he wants to spend his yuck time hanging around OW, then YAHOO! He will start to connect OW with feeling bad and start avoiding her.<P>Believe it or not, you have already won the battle. Just don't loose the war by doing something foolish.<P>Good luck.

Thanks for the uplifting comments. Joe in TX I hope you're right. I'm sitting at my computer crying because I found out yesterday that he's waiting on me or OW to make a decision for him.<P>I'm trying very hard to be as great as possible so that we have good times together and he sees that I'm supporting her but he chases her of his own free will at work and I can't do anything to stop that and it hurts.