My husband decided about a year and a half ago he was unhappy. We have been having marital difficulties since even though for part of it he said it had nothing to do with me. We have been married 17 years and have 3 children. All this time I asked him repeatedly if their was someone else and he said no, which I know is typical. I was suspicious the whole time and kept my eyes open but no solid evidence, until three months ago. I confronted him and found out it had been going on a while, started before we started having problems. That I believe is the cause. She is 25/26 yrs old and has no children. We have two teenagers and coming home at night was difficult for him because of normal childhood angst. With her I believe it was all sunshine and roses. She has left her husband and has advised my husband no more relationship w/out committment. I gave him a choice her or me. He says he wants to work with him family. I use this term loosely because he is very much afraid to lose his kids. He had a similar thing happen to him as child, his dad left for another women and it was a disaster, his father is now on wife #4. We tried counseling but it was too painful and he felt guilty hurting me with things that had to come out. He thinks we can repair on our own with time. We hadnt had sex for over a year and just recently did. He is so far away with me and just plain old strange. Ive told him to leave if he doesnt want to stay. He has hurt me more than I can say. He is defensive when it comes to her and wants just time for us to be a normal family and says then in time things will naturally come back, maybe. I dont know if he is feeding me a line after all the lies but when I go through the motions of throwing him out and go to the attorney he freaks and says he wants to stay and acts like Mr. Nice Guy, not husband, we arent quite there yet. What should I do, I have a lot of doubts and he is not doing the work to get better and back on track. Ive told him my feelings and that I need a small sign of proof that things are getting on track again and that the ball is in his court and need to see some (no matter how small) results. What is the right thing to do? I know we need to get back in counseling and he says he wants his family to be back to normal but how can we, time may heal but a lot of work is needed also.<BR>Bluejag<P>------------------<BR>natalie

Welcome <B>bluejag</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>You're right about needing counseling...<BR>...better counseling...<P>Do try the MB counselors...<BR>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>They give very directed courses of action...<BR>...instead of "...and how do you feee..." therapy!<P> <P>Jim