This is my first time writing in. I just found out a few weeks ago that my husband is having an affair. He confessed to me when I asked him if there was someone else. For the last few months, he has been sleeping on the couch upstairs. His excuse was that he couldn't sleep and he didn't want to disturb me. I know that he has been very unhappy. He is one of those people who just never seem to be satisfied. He has always had the mind set that "If I could just get a new truck, then I'd be happy..... If we could just build our new house, then I'd be happy....If I could just lose a couple more pounds, then I'd be happy.....If, if , if ...you get the picture. He doesn't take responsibility for his own actions. Anything negative that happens to him is always someone else's fault. I guess it was just a matter of time before he started to feel that his unhappiness was all my fault. Now he's decided that this new woman is going to make him happier than I ever could. I don't know what to do. He is still living at home, and acts like everything is normal. If I try to talk to him about the affair, he gets really angry and defensive. He says that if he thought there was any hope for us, he would end it, but he doen't see that happening. He says he wants to move out, but we both know that he'll never be able to afford making the house payment we have, plus rent somewhere else. He won't tell me who the OW is, but I'm pretty sure I know who it is. She's married too and has small children. We have two teenage children. Do you think they should be told what about the affair? Do you think that I should insist that my husband move out since he isn't willing to try to work things out? Should I confront the OW?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by twin2:<BR><B>I just found out a few weeks ago that my husband is having an affair. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm so sorry for what you are going through. <P>It is a little quiet around here this week, but the first thing you should do is read the welcome post by NSR: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html</A> <P>The second thing you should do is arrange for a phone consultation with Steve Harley or his sister Jennifer Chalmers. They can start you on the right path toward rebuilding your marriage. Call toll-free 1 (888) 639-1639. I think it is around $95....it is the best money you will ever spend.<P>You ask a lot of question about what you should do....kick him out, tell people, etc. The first rule is to try not to make any permanent life changing decisions when emotion and pain are so high in the initial discovery phase. The Harleys will guide you through that, but, in general, the best advice is to start working on your behavior toward your husband.....try to be a better mate. I know that sounds maddening when he is the one cheating, but if you want to regain your marriage and his love, you need to figure out the root causes that sent him looking outside. <P>They are some excellent tools here for that on the website, the EN questionaire and the LB questionaire. It would be nice if your H would fill them out, but many people can get started in the right direction by filling them out as they think their spouse would.<P>Think back to the arguments, that helped me :-)<P>Read the welcome post, and do the reading it points too. <P>Good luck and best wishes,<P>Mike<BR>

We have two teenage daughters, and we decided it would be best not to tell them. BUT, my H was 100% remorseful and repentant when he confessed to me (I was blind-sided) and committed to working on the marriage. If he wasn't, I think the kids would have to know--they would probably pick up on it anyway. As a matter of fact, in the first few days when I was such a basket case, our D's asked us point-blank if one of us was having an affair or "something."<P>Good luck to you. Believe it or not, you will survive.<P>------------------<BR>"Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:7