Forgiver,
You are so analytical, you make me smile. It is good that you let your head govern your action not your emotion.<p>Plan A letter is not to get the WS back but to recap what is in the past and what could be in the future. It is a statement why you choose to be doormat for a while. I think it is more usefull to BS than WS.<p>That is when you have to do POJA, to protect your M. If my WW told me that I am #2, I will tell her to Dv me or I will. It just my personal conviction, I give WW 100% and make her my breath and my soul, I would not take anything less from her either. I could take it to someone else who will. IT HAS TO BE EQUAL HALF, NO ONE IS A BETTER HALF.<p>If he is willing to work on M, I would ask him home or you go there, there is no in between. He is too weak and you see it first hand. If he is asking you to risk you future, just let him explain why you should do that ?, what gurantee you have and let him convince you. Even Harley doesn't really beleive in forgiveness by BS but more to compensatory by WS to build better M. If H suddenltly go home give up school and work on M wouldn't be large deposit of LB$ ?. It is compensatory. If H still stay there and keep asking you to give, sooner or later thee will be a resenment and if thing went a bit south and difficult, you are prone to A yourself. Let Jennifer straighten H up.<p>There is a third possibilites, H's family try to protect your M and say anything that will "help" both of you. It is hard when you could not get it from the horse's mouth directly.<p>What they should do is make MB seminar as a prerequisite 6 months before they fly over there. They should attend it w/ SO.<p>Keep you chin up and enjoy single life minus new relation or starting A. It is his losses.

Thanks Redhat,<p> What is POJA? Just wondering. Still no word yet.<p> I went to my first session with a counseler tonight. The hour was not enough to tell the whole story! I was talking as fast as I could. I kind of shortened the story. I told him next session I wanted to fill in the gaps. <p> He thought he might of heard of MB. I brought all my books. They are all highlighted and worn and I only got them last week. I've noticed they repeat themselves alot. And most of the chapters are avail. here on the web. I have printed everything I found here and put into a binder. He wrote down the names of SAA, HNHN, Fall In Love Stay In Love. I asked him to check out this website to see where I was coming from. Since no Dr.s or conselers could see me before now this site has been my source of info and my strength. I told him i believed on the philosophies and way of doing things here and I would like to continue on this venue.<p> He said he would be interested to learn more so I guess that was a good sign.<p> He could not believe how I have been handeling myself and how my emotions of being betrayed have not taken over. He said I must have so much anger and resentment. I told him that it scared me that i was not more angry that I only had love and the determination to work this out.<p> I told him that I do not believe in div. for myself and I told my H that many times before we were married. That no matter what came our way we would work through it together. <p> If he serves me with papers I will contest(?) it. When I fall out of love maybe i will div. H. My priest said i could get an anulment based on my story. then I would be able to remarry. His uncle called (He is a judge) and told me if it comes to the courts, to take him to the cleaners and after the sacrifices I have made to put him through school i am entitled to 1/2 his salary for the rest of his life. He said the courts will not treat him too kindly after doing this. Neither will his family. Everyone keeps calling me. I just tell them I am OK. I keep busy and take ODAAT.<p> My counseler agreed with me that I might be in denile. He said i will go through an anger stage too. He thought I would be ther already. It scares me that I am not. i wish I could be angry.
Gotta go and write a paper.
Take care.
Forgiver

Forgiver,
What is POJA? Policy of Join Agreement. <p>Most of the Harley's book repeats itself, just a repackaged of MB principal and gears toward a diferent audience.<p>You conselor should pay you instead ... LMAO !!!. He is tyical conselor w/ psychology background. He is refering to 5 stages of greive. I think you have past at one point your anger, your head take over and use it as an energy to learn MB. You are too rational. However you will going back and forth in greiving process. Watch out if H doesn't call even after this month pass, you could be back in anger stage.<p>Hey, add two more pluses for you. One. You will have annullment, hmmm ... I wish I could have one. Two. You will be taking H to the cleaner. Not to mention other pluses that you have in hand already. Just sit back and let H toasted.<p>[ January 23, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Redhat,<p>He e-mailed me the following:<p>Hi Hon,
Good to hear from you. I hope you're doing well and I hope everything in your life is going as best as expected. I'm really sorry for everything that has happened in the past months, you really don't deserve what i have done to you. I really need time to think about a bunch of things and where I want my life to go, sorry for being selfish. Be strong and true to yourself, you really deserve the best.
Thinking of you,
love,
E<p>No I love you's. No i miss you's. No I want to work things out. Up until now it had always been "our lfe" we were a team deciding together. Now it is His life.
I've been turned inside out and now the crying is starting I have to go

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Forgiver:
<strong>Redhat,<p>He e-mailed me the following:<p>Hi Hon,
Good to hear from you. I hope you're doing well and I hope everything in your life is going as best as expected. I'm really sorry for everything that has happened in the past months, you really don't deserve what i have done to you. I really need time to think about a bunch of things and where I want my life to go, sorry for being selfish. Be strong and true to yourself, you really deserve the best.
Thinking of you,
love,
E<p>No I love you's. No i miss you's. No I want to work things out. Up until now it had always been "our lfe" we were a team deciding together. Now it is His life.
I've been turned inside out and now the crying is starting I have to go</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
{{{{{((((HUG)))))}}}}. Be strong, forgiver, be strong. Find your supoort system please, talk to someone close to you. H is in the fog, nothing could change him now. He is too comfortable in there and being selfish. Get on to talk to Jennifer before you reply and do not reply right away !!!!.<p>IMVHO. First you do not want to shut down this line of communication, it is the only comm. line you have. No LB'ed ok ?. I would ask him for specific what does he mean by "my life to go" ? what is his plan. Pull out your plan A letter, remmeber ?. Add a bit about getting him to give you specific plan of his. Review your letter w/ Jennifer. Get appointment w/ MB first thing tommorow. Meanwhile cry and greive and let it go for tonite. You have a lot to work on this plan A.<p>Post your letter A in GQII if you want so that few MB'er could review it.<p>My tears and heart goes for you. Be strong, I know you could do it. Please post when you calm down o'k ?. I have to go to my class and check back in tonight. We need to gear up your plan A and to review it with Jennifer.<p>[ January 23, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Forgiver:
<strong>Redhat,<p>He e-mailed me the following:<p>Hi Hon,
Good to hear from you. I hope you're doing well and I hope everything in your life is going as best as expected. I'm really sorry for everything that has happened in the past months, you really don't deserve what i have done to you. I really need time to think about a bunch of things and where I want my life to go, sorry for being selfish. Be strong and true to yourself, you really deserve the best.
Thinking of you,
love,
E<p>No I love you's. No i miss you's. No I want to work things out. Up until now it had always been "our lfe" we were a team deciding together. Now it is His life.
I've been turned inside out and now the crying is starting I have to go</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Hi Forgiver,<p>There are positive points to take out of his e-mail. Remember that he is confused, hurt and ashamed. Based on that he is not going to say all you want to hear. <p>Here are the good points:
1. He called you hon.
2. He acknowledged it was good to hear from you.
3. Hoped all was going well with you.
4. Apologized for hurting you.
5. Acknowledged he was being selfish.
6. Wanted you to do and be your best.
7. He did say he was thinking of you.
8. He did end the letter by saying 'love e.'<p>You are doing a good plan A. Keep up the good work. It is still an uphill battle for you. But you are on the right track and in time you will go through all the stages (if he does not return before that). Don't push that anger stage, it will come. Hmmm.....been there done that!!! LOL! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I sent out the 1st response and kept looking for you but kept missing it. I am glad RedHat has been keeping up with you He is a great guy and has helped many. <p>Take care and keep posting. <p>L.

Thanks so much Orchid,<p> You remind me that I have neglected to feed my own orchids throughout this ordeal...LOL.<p> I have a few questions:<p> Should I e-mail him about stuff going on in my life that does not concern the A? For example i am moving our horse to a different barn that is better than where we are now. (The horse is mostly my recreation, he rides with me from time to time but didn't come to the barn much).<p> Should i tell him about one of our dogs progress since he has been gone? (Ear problem, changed diet didn't work)<p> Should i tell him I'm taking kickboxing four times a week and love it!!? I've also lost 15 pounds due to infedelity diet. My goal is 120lbs (won't mention infedelity diet).<p> Should I send a valentines card or gifts? Nothing too mushy, more sentimental? But it takes three weeks to get there by boat mail.<p> His birthday is at the end of Feb. Should I send him some cards or gifts?<p> Before he left and I didn't know about the A, I mailed him a gazillion cards so he would get tons of mail and not be lonely (HA, Ha) should i ask if he got them or my letters? they were all written before Dday.<p> I DO NOT want to LB or be too clingly. What is the right way to keep lines of communication open? He e-mailed me a few days ago, you saw the post. I have not responded.<p>
Any ideas, anyone?
Thanks!
Forgiver

Hi,<p>I am still stuck at work..... Yuck!!! <p>Anyway, decide are you in plan A or B? If A, then periodic (but not too many) e-mails may be helpful. Keep them light and off the A topic. Let him know you miss him and share a 'couple' of point but don't give all the details. Leave 'um hangin' is better so they ask questions and open the door of communication. You may sense at this time there will be periods of good then out of the blue bad communication. Remember you are not privy to all that is going on in his life and when there are bad times or guilt times with him and the OW, you may get the brunt of it. Don't take that personally. <p>With that in mind step back and rethink what you have. Maybe dole out some of that info over a period of time. You are anxious and he may not be. So don't expect him to keep up with your pace. <p>Breathe, pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. <p>Take Care,
L.

Forgiver,<p>You get the best advice from Venusian Lady, Orchid ... LOL. String H a bit, give a cliff hanger ending on your letter so that H will ask back. About the BDay gifts, do the same as last year ... do you give H a card ? then give a card. You will have no issue of pulling back a bit since H know that you love him, don't do more than usual.
I am glad that you get a hold of the situation ... did you kick hard the sand bags in your kickboxing class ? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .

Thanks Redhat and Orchid,<p> My H called my SIL yesterday during the day (knew no one would be home)Left a message about my SIL's dog who needs surgery. Only left info concerning dog. My SIL said he sounded good, like himself, but stuck to the topic of dog.<p> I wrote him an e-mail today. I would love to make up all kinds of lies about how I won lotto and how Sting wrote a song for me and then asked me out but i already had plans to go out with Dave Matthews and then see what Ben Affleck had to offer. Ha! Ha! Ha! i cracked myself up. Then I though of baking some ex-lax Valentines cookies to send to them but decided a box of Godiva would be better. i usually give him Godivas. Should I send something else, since that is something I used to do. He might be like "She's still the same." and not like that.<p> My e-mail went like this;
Dear E
It was good to hear from you too. things are going good here. Busy with school and classes. I leave school early to get home by 4:00, let the dogs out and go to night classes. ( I used to get home around 5 or 6, so i've changed coming home early, something he always wanted, too little too late?) Learning lots. i'll be donewith my 75 credits beyond my masters at the end of Feb. So I'll be on the top end of the pay scale. Very happy! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I'm moving (horse) to another barn. (dogs) doing well, miss you. They are on perscript diet. i have four separate parties wanting to rent the house for the summer. Looks good! I hope you are doing well and like your classes. G and R say "Hello". (they are the vets who want him to join their practice when he comes home) Gotta run, going out. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you too. Miss you lots and lots. Give R (his new dog down there, that I named) a big hug from me. I love you.
s
ps let me know if you need anything from the states. I'll send it to you. Any birthday requests? Say hi to (his professor I went hiking with down there, they're close). Tell him I went on a hike that was cake compared to his. but it was fun. Love ya!<p>
What do you think? Tooo much info? I figured he would want to know why move the horse (better barn, less board). He wants to know about our dogs progress. Also the summer rentals were poor last year, much better this year and offering 5,000 more. Let him know I will be financially secure with a raise in Feb. Reminded him of our dogs and the vets who have a job waiting for him. lied that I was going out but appeared to be busy and ok. Am I doing this right? Please let me know.<p>Forgiver

Forgiver,<p>Very good, not clingy and a lots of strings to get H to ask. Now it is a waiting game ... next email, let it sit one or two days before answering and send the reply when you think H could reply right away.<p>I have to go to bring my 2 D to swimming, be back tonite.

Thanks Redhat<p> I have noticed that the only two e-mails my H has sent me were sent on Wednesdays between 4:30 and 8:30pm. I would think he might respond on Wednesday. But I should send another e-mail next Wednesday/ or the same night?<p> Still in denial, I was thinking.... Since my H told his family he does not want a divorce and he has not contacted me, maybe he is just seeing how A will pan out? If he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, would'nt he call me and tell me to move on. That he wants a divorce? By not calling and speaking it makes me think he is still keeping me on the back burner.<p> If i can ask you something... Knowing your W is in an ongoing affair for 2 yrs(?), has she told you she wants to be with OM forever and asked you for a divorce? I know you told her you have set her free and if she comes back and is willing to work on M she is yours and if she does not then she never was yours and you will move on. Why does the WS string BS along? Why don't they say, look it's over I don't want to work on M I want to be with OP?<p> I continue to change and improve myself. I have started a class for women to get their finances in order and invest in the future. It is mostly made up of married women and divorced women who have not been investing and do not know the first thing about it. It is a safe atmosphere to ask financial questions without men around so we don't feel stupid. they educate us and answer questions like describing the differences and risks involved in stocks and bonds, 401k and 403b etc. I am the youngest (30) and have an advantage to get a good retirement fund going.<p> I have also signed up for an on line course for women to understand their sexual needs, fulfilment and how to increase sexual desire. I know my low sex drive was due to not receiving the affection from my H. And that was our main problem (very common) besides communication or lack ther of. But I am educating myself to become more aware of my sexual needs and learning how to express them, should I ever get the chance. It is a very good course. They recommend refraining from sex for six weeks and not to start any relationships during this time (easy for me! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ) Yet one more change I am undergoing. I look forward to meeting the new me. I hardly know who I am anymore.<p> My brother stayed the weekend with me. He is still angry with my H but now he laughs and says he feels sorry for him because I was smart before but now with all I have learned from reading this website and books, the financial planning, the sexual awareness, the diet and exercise, health and nutrition.... My H is going to be blown away by what an incredible persaon I have become through this trauma in such a short period. He says I was incredible before but it was a nice self-esteem booster.
I feel good about myself and the choices I have made. I do not cry as much. It"s just the waiting that is so hard. <p> Hope you are doing well and thanks for your input
Forgiver

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Forgiver:
<strong>I have noticed that the only two e-mails my H has sent me were sent on Wednesdays between 4:30 and 8:30pm. I would think he might respond on Wednesday. But I should send another e-mail next Wednesday/ or the same night?</strong><hr></blockquote>
If he sen the next email on Wednesday, let him wait few days, closer on on Wendsday. See if the pattern holds ... be patience.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>Still in denial, I was thinking.... Since my H told his family he does not want a divorce and he has not contacted me, maybe he is just seeing how A will pan out? If he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, would'nt he call me and tell me to move on. That he wants a divorce? By not calling and speaking it makes me think he is still keeping me on the back burner.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Stop guessing game, time will tell, put your time to a better use.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>If i can ask you something... Knowing your W is in an ongoing affair for 2 yrs(?), has she told you she wants to be with OM forever and asked you for a divorce? I know you told her you have set her free and if she comes back and is willing to work on M she is yours and if she does not then she never was yours and you will move on. Why does the WS string BS along? Why don't they say, look it's over I don't want to work on M I want to be with OP?</strong><hr></blockquote>
Initially she wanted out, she wanted Dv. She want to be w/ OM forever; however WS starts A out of selfishness ... the same selfishness hold them out from Dv. I do not know your situation but in my case, I fill in her EN of financial security, the rest I was not lacking except affections. I was busy to push my career and trying to make $ that I didn't focus on family. However that was a join agreement, at least I was lead to beleive but she bailed out and has A. I told Steve Harley that I have no problem on plan A since I just need to refocus ... I have no issue of doing domestic work, I am a good cook, do laundry, clean the house and so on, I have no issue of conversations, I did not have time before ... and so on. So when I plan A'ng her, she stops asking for Dv. Out of her selfishness, she saw that OM doesn't meet her financial security (she thought she could get it from me by giving up my property for the "kid" [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] ), I do ... Her conversational needs is filled by OM's grandma !!! LOL !!!, what happen if grandma pass away ?, I do; only if she pick up the phone and talk to me. You got the picture. I will be blunt ... out of their selfisness, they will make a selection. You have time to plan A and no LB so that when A dies down, you would be look at as a better choice. You are in trouble if WS is not confused, your M is doom. What factors help you ?, well if you have a good history, WS received LB$ before fall out of love, the stronger the better. If you are currently meet them, WS will hang on to it .... "cake eater", LOL !!!. If you convince them you are capable of meeting them in the future if given a chance. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I continue to change and improve myself. I have started a class for women to get their finances in order and invest in the future. It is mostly made up of married women and divorced women who have not been investing and do not know the first thing about it. It is a safe atmosphere to ask financial questions without men around so we don't feel stupid. they educate us and answer questions like describing the differences and risks involved in stocks and bonds, 401k and 403b etc. I am the youngest (30) and have an advantage to get a good retirement fund going.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Very good, at your age you should put it all in stock w/ dollar cost average method. You will have a very good chance of retiring early. Financial intelligent is a must for everybody specially women, to equalize the playing field. I am the true beliver of an "equal half" no one should be a "better half".<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I have also signed up for an on line course for women to understand their sexual needs, fulfilment and how to increase sexual desire. I know my low sex drive was due to not receiving the affection from my H. And that was our main problem (very common) besides communication or lack ther of. But I am educating myself to become more aware of my sexual needs and learning how to express them, should I ever get the chance. It is a very good course. They recommend refraining from sex for six weeks and not to start any relationships during this time (easy for me! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ) Yet one more change I am undergoing. I look forward to meeting the new me. I hardly know who I am anymore.</strong><hr></blockquote>
[img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] , This is plan A !, put you as an irresistable mate.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>My brother stayed the weekend with me. He is still angry with my H but now he laughs and says he feels sorry for him because I was smart before but now with all I have learned from reading this website and books, the financial planning, the sexual awareness, the diet and exercise, health and nutrition.... My H is going to be blown away by what an incredible persaon I have become through this trauma in such a short period. He says I was incredible before but it was a nice self-esteem booster.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Well, all of this actually make us easier to walk away from M if it comes to that. We know darn well that it is WS loss not ours. We know that we give them our best and even half of it is more than anyone could ask for in relations.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I feel good about myself and the choices I have made. I do not cry as much. It"s just the waiting that is so hard.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Time is on our side, it gives us opportunity to learn and making our self irresistable. Time also will burn the A, their selfisness will eat each other. Just sit back, let them LB'ed each other. Count your blessing that you have such a strong support system.

Thanks Redhat<p>
I sent my H a Valentine's package. All his favorite chocolates and goodies. In every card I put Valentine confettie and when I put the items in the box I stuffed it with silver tissue paper and sprinkled Valentine's confetti all throughout the package. this way when he opens it in their house or his car or whereever, the confetti will fall all over. They are really tiny hearts etc. So i know they will be showing up all over. Not a LB i hope.

Some of the cards were funny Valentine's others were to a wonderful husband. This may seem confusing but I wrote on the bottom of the card that what they say is true. I am putting the A aside and thinking of the H i love and married. to me those Valentine's speak the truth. i don't want to confuse him I just want him to know that i still love him and think he is a great guy. I did not mention any thing negative or about A or about us getting back together.<p> Tonight is Wednesday and i see my h is on line with his new screen name (found it through people search and put it on my buddy list). Should I try to IM him? I think I should not. He does not know I know his new screen name. I should wait for him to contact me right? Iknow. I know.<p> I was going to send him an e-mail telling him I was going down there. Just to make him sweat but i know it is a major LB. I wouldn't really go. But it would be nice to make him freak out wondering what I was up to. It made me laugh. It was my sister's idea. She said to tell him SHE was going to go and pay him a visit. then he would really be scared. It amuses us to joke. But I know its all LBing so we keep it to ourselves.<p> Right now I am unable to meet his needs because of lack of contact. My H is financially independent of me because he has loans that pay for everything. I am paying all the house bills and the interst on his loans. But I am unable to deposit L$ because OW meets SF need. (That's why i thought of phone sex lessons to try to meet needs from a distance) I sent him all those cards on New Years Eve. He should be getting those now. Those were full of love and admiration. So I fulfill emotional need for admiration but OW probably does also.<p> Just struggling with knowing I can't plan A while A is in full swing. He does not need anything from me. Just keeps me hanging.<p> My therapist suggested a book the Five Love Languages by ? Chapman. It goes along with Harley's emotional needs. So I am hopeful that my therapist and I are on the same page. It was a very easy read, 1 night. Not as indepth as Harelys' but good advice about keeping lists. Good suggestions on what to actually do.<p> Hope all is well with you. Gotta go write a paper.<p>Forgiver

Update
HE CALLED!!!!!!!<p> It is the first time we spoke since D-day 1-1-02.<p>He called at 6:30 in the morning. Very guarded. But choked up. I was loving and thanked him for calling. Told what I was suppossed to without love busting. Apologized for not meeting needs before he left and while he was there. Apologized for my part in leading up to A. told him "if you love sometining set it free..." Told him the whole poem and siad "I set you free" When and if you want to work on M I will be here. For now I move one day at a time and focus on me and my changes. Definately a safe place to come to. Very loving not clingy at all. i have most of the conversation on tape because answering machine picked up. i am impressed with myself for the way i handled it [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .
Found out OW backed off and then put demand on him to divorce me. Big LB. I placed no demands just let him know I was doing well. Happy with myself and making changes. He apologized for doing this said i dont deserve this feels awful about hurting me (He said he felt bad about hurting her also-which pissed me off but i bit my tongue. How did he hurt her??)!!??
He said he still needed more time but Did NOT say he was through with me or wants a divorce or any of that. So I am still in limbo but plan Aing from a distance.
I could tell on the recording of our conversation he was witholding tears. He was very upset and crying or about to, holding back. Very happy he had that emotion instead of telling me it's over. I have not LB AT ALL! I hope she is big time.
He did not say when or if he would call again. I did not ask. Now the waiting game begins again for more contact. I sent him an e-mail to thank him for calling. It made me happy and to wish him good luck on his tests this week.<p> Any feedback?

Forgiver,
Wow !!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ... you did very good, Jennifer will be proud of you. Yes, it is a waiting game again. Let A dies, remember they are born out of selfishness and by it natures it will eats itself up. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks Redhat,
Please let me know if sending my h a dozen red roses on Valentine's day with a note saying happy Valentine's Day i love you , would be a LB?
i would have them delivered right to his classroom. He would be in class with the OW and all his friends who know he is having an A. They all support the A.
Could this be my anger coming through finally? I have the name and number of the florist down there that would do it. Or is this Plan Aing from a distance? I sent him a package of chocolates and VD cards already but I don't know if he will get them in time.
he called on Sat morning as you saw. Things seem shaky in paradise. I DO NOT want to LB.
Also his b-day is at the end of Feb. I was going to send him a walkman. I know he goes running every day and his walkman is broken. Would sending him a new one with some CD's be a LB?
How about some Tom Petty CD's with the songs "Breakdown" and "Good Love Is Hard To Find". I think those would be LB's but they were songs we loved and the words are awesome..." you got lucky babe, when I found you..." I also have become partial to one of my Dad's favorite songs by Blondie, "One way or another, I gonna find ya I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha One day, maybe next week etc." I love to sing them loud in the car. LBing right? please set me straight.<p>thanks,
forgiver

Forgiver,
I would not send it to the classroom (could be taken as an LB), I would send the flowers though. In long distance plan A, you want to show your affection anyway you can and it is not LB. Send him the walkman and CD, it is fine ... it is good that you could send him CD that you both like, even it touches some lyrics.<p>In my car, I do anything I want to relieve me. That is the only safe place for me to cry and scream my lungs out. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>How is your session w/ Jennifer ?.

Thanks Redhat,
I think the program director at the radio staion i listen through is going through an affair. For the last month they have been playing cheating songs like "Tempted by the Fruit of another" (Squeeze) and "Ain't too proud to beg" (Stones & Temptations) Now this month they are playing songs about letting go like "Second Hand News" (Fleetwood Mac) and another song I don't know who sings it but it goes "There ain't no good guys, there ain't no bad guys, there's only you and me and we just disagree...." I sing my lungs out! Have'nt cried in awhile.
I only spoke to Jennifer once I am supposseed to schedule a session for next week. My weekly counseling is going very well. He keeps telling me how impressed he is with me and how I am going about dealing with the situation. Makes me feel good.
If I don't send the flowers to class, I would send them to his home and they live together. Their friends all live in the same house. Apt upstairs and apt next door. She will think they are for her and might throw them out!! I thought sending them to class I would be sure he would get them. My counseler said it would be ok to send them to class saying "I'm still here. I still love you. Remember me?" I want to send them. But you really think class would be more of a LB then home. I thought sending them to his home would be a LB. It's THEIR home. Class is a neutral ground. Please let me know.
Forgiver

Forgiver,
Think what your H reactions will be to determine if it is an LB'ed or not. I still would send them at home and then send H email to see if he received it. If OW throws them out let her LB'ed to H. I would send the most expensive one.