Ok Redhat,
Thanks. You and I think alike. I planned on sending the most expensive ones [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ! that's a good idea to send to house and let her LB. I like that. But what if he takes the card and gives them to her!!! scum***! Maybe I'll ask them to write on the VASE!! HAHAHAHA!
Forgiver

Forgiver,
See if you could get a small laminated love note and tied to the end of the stems, inside the vase ... That way it will only show up when "they" change the flowers ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .

Good idea Redhat,
i am having a hard time these past three days. Starting to feel the hurt and anger. Major withdrawls from my l bank. I want to know if we have a chance. last we left it a week ago i gave hime the love some thing set it free speech. i told him i set him free. now i want to know wht is going on. All he said is sorry, i don't deserve this, i should be strong and he needs more time. i thought i could wait forever. Now I want to e-mail and ask if i should start filing for D. Just to get an answer from him. i want to know if i have a chance. I am afraid that if i wait 2 years i will find that he chose her and i wasted two years when i should have been out finding someone new.. I am feeling very lonely.
I know he is a cake eater. He has not said it is over but maybe he is a coward. By not talking to me he avoids everything. He can go on like this forever. Maybe he is waiting for me to break down and crumble. to file for him. then I am bad guy. and he can blame me. Having a very hard time in limbo. Can i e-mail him and ask if i should move on or is that LB? i don't want to send the flowers now at all. Should I still? I scheduled a session with Jennifer for Monday. Waiting for confirmation.
I have to keep your words in mind A will eat itself up. But now I am scared I will eat myself up in depression. I need some sign to keep plan aing. All the positive i saw is quickly fading. My hurt is coming to the surface. What will tomorrow bring? Thsi is so early still and it is so hard. I was great until now. I keep busy but it is harder to keep positive. What are my chances anymore. But not communicating with me i see it as he has made his choice and we have no chance. I want to ask if i should file to get his fire going but that will lb any chance i have.
Help Redhat!
Forgiver

Forgiver,
Don't push it forgiver, H is not ready yet and it will hurt you even more. It is ok to feel the hurt and anger but don't compromise what you have done. You could cry and scream and sometime tell some jokes in here. Try to find an outlet for your feeling too. I let it cry when I drive alone in the car and sometime I scream as loud as I can. I am just coming back from watching last show movie ... another solitare activity that I enjoyed in the past and I am getting into it again. Do you have family and relatives to watch you so that you are not getting into depression ?. Ask them to watch the symptoms. Also if this feeling prolong and start impacting you, get medicine.<p>"Just to get an answer from him." Don't go there, curiosity kills and also speaking about temptations. This is not the right time. A just came out into the day light not long ago. Give it at least 'till this summer and see what happen. Also you will come out as an iressistable mate w/ understanding more about what to watch out in R. You are waiting not for H to have the cake and eat it ... you are waiting to remove all the old obstacle that are potholes in M. When you are done with that you could plan B or tough love H, no one saying that you have to wait 2 years. You know when.<p>"Can i e-mail him and ask if i should move on or is that LB ?"
It is an LB. Send the flower instead. Yes, sometime feeling like doormat is very hard. Yes, waiting w/o result is not fun either. Keep it up and talk to Jennifer, she will gave you some pointers.

will I LB to ask my H if he got any of my letters/cards?
My h just called. very friendly but hung up on me while i was in mid sentence. He said he was thinking about me. i said That scares me because i do not know what he thinks of me now.he said "it was all good. i said i was sorry i didn't do it for him any more. He said it was nothing i did or didn't do. He just wants me to be happy and he did not want to call to upset me. My voice cracked but i did not cry. I said i loved him and i know he need time. i just have the memories of our m. I know we had a good M with ups and downs and I am willing to work it out. At that point I realized no one was on the other line. i do not know what he heard if it was something I said I was speaking loveingly. and all of a sudden I realized he hung up. But when? Did she walk in or is he really screwed that I can not say one word to him? i did not think i was LBing. Just confirming that i was giving him time and I wanted to work onM when he wanted to. Hung Up?
Forgiver

Forgiver,<p>Did H call again ?. Ask him about the letters & cards, it is not LB at all. You could even ask him what happen w/ the call. Most likely OW walked in. Do not take it personally. I would order the flower too.<p>I know how hard it is doing plan A however H's reactions are predictable. For now you have to make it safe for H to come home. Take note word by word or even buy a telephone recorder so that you won't miss anything when you talk to Jennifer. She will be able to help you out.<p>As you say, there might be trouble in paradise. It is too bad that you don't have a realiable contact in there. Did H talk to anyone in his family yet ?.

thanks Redhat,
No H did not call back. I sent e-mail. Thanks for calling. I'm glad you think of me I think of you too. don't know what i said that p***** you off? sorry? (I said this with ? mark because I was not LBing when he hung up. So maybe the OW came home). Have you gotten any of my cards or letters? I also sent a package. Please let me know if you are getting them. (don't know if OW is throwing them out. Give me a call or e-mail when you can. (I don't know if OW is reading his e-mail. Probably is. Seems as If he is contacting me secretly. So now I play OW. that's why i said i'm glad you think of me and call me when you get a chance...etc. Make her Jealous and LB him. Please!
I will send flowers. They will not let them go to class he will have to pick them up in administration office. I am afraid he will give them away. I want everyone to see.
Thanks for your help.
Forgiver

Hey,
I contacted florist to send flowers. $100.00 which is $200.00 in their money. I think he will rip off the tag and give to her or throw out.
tell me did I LB by telling my H it scares me that he thinks of me every day? Because I don't know what you think of me right now. I also said. i'm sorry I don't do it for you anymore.
Please let me know. Thanks
Forgiver

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Forgiver:
<strong>Hey,
I contacted florist to send flowers. $100.00 which is $200.00 in their money. I think he will rip off the tag and give to her or throw out.
tell me did I LB by telling my H it scares me that he thinks of me every day? Because I don't know what you think of me right now. I also said. i'm sorry I don't do it for you anymore.
Please let me know. Thanks
Forgiver</strong><hr></blockquote>
Don't assume anything, who knows if he keeps it and LB'ed OW ?. From the words, yes, LB but it depends how your H takes it. Did he silence for awhile or did he just ignore it or did he try to talk nicer or convince you ?. Don't try too hard ... we scare because we care [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .

Hey Guys,
He sent me 1 dozen Roses at work with a card that said "Happy Valentine's Day. Thinking of You. Love, E". I was the only one at work to get flowers. Everyone was saying what a fantastic H I have!!! If they only knew.<p> I am happy for the first day this year. I know I can't get my hopes up too high. But appreciate the step in the right direction. I sent him an e-mail to thank him.
Forgiver

Forgiver,<p>H is cheating OW now ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] , you might be right about trouble in paradise. Keep up your plan A. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hello,
Update<p> i spent the past 5 days with my inlaws. When back to my H's home town. Saw all the places we used to go. Stayed in his bedroom at his parents house. it was a nightmare. my MIL and FIL wanted me to come and stay with them sisnce i am still their DIL. They took me out to eat and shopping trying to cheer me up but it was awful. Just driving through his town sent me into hysterics. I tried to remain calm and quiet around them but i broke down once and cried. I spent alot of time with my SIL. She thinks I should go down to ST. Kitts for the summer as a vacation. I was ther last summer so I know where everything is. I would rent a place and a car and just be there on vacation. i would not confront my H but let him know i am there. Easier access if he wants to talk. I would go about my business as i did last summer.
i read [H]'s old long post on his insight as a WS. He said as long as his W was out of sight she was out of mind and it made it easier for him to fall deeper in love with OW. I know it is too early for me to make any plans. I just thought maybe I could go on vacation there and if he knew I was there he may come to talk to me. As it is right now I have not had the chance to talk to him about anything after dday he left and he never gave me a chance. The 2 times he called i could barely get out that I wanted to work on M before he hung up. It has been a very hard week so far. Thanks for listening. My Valentine's day flowers were his last contact. So in 50 some odd days since d-day I have gotten 2 phone calls and 2 e-mails and 1 dozen roses.<p> I still don't know if he got my flowers or Valentine's day gifts or any of the cards i've sent.
Forgiver

Forgiver,<p>I know it is very hard to do plan A w/ no hint sight at all. My W AWOL for about several days and it almost gave me a nervous break down. Hang in there, girl. You know you could go through with this, give it time and do not rush it. IMVHO, do not go to the island, you are asking for trouble and interfering w/ A. I would use the money to pay some one to sleuth on them now or even find out the home of OW and send an unmarked letter to her parent.<p>It is too early to tell, you have to give it more time.

Redhat
Her parents fully support her affair!!! Her mother left her father for her step father and her step father left his wife for her!!! They have been through this themselves and they said they will do what ever they can to keep their daughter happy. they support my H and her staying together and see me not as a person but as an obstacle or hurdle to get past in order for them to achieve happiness. they have been advising my H and OW on what to do to get rid of me. The OW family all know and think my H is a wonderful guy trapped in a bad marriage!!!!! It is disgusting.
in our last phone call my H said It is nothing I did he was not miserable in our M. this is all him. It is all his fault and his choice. There was nothing i did or did not do to cause this. It was a choice he made. He needs some time to make some very complicated decisions on where he wants his life to go right now and in the end he will follow his heart.
Went to DR. this morning for HIV and STD test. He put me on Paxil? Nervous about taking it. I think if i started riding a real roller coaster i could get my mind off my situation. It consumes my every waking second. I don't think he will ever give me a chance.
Forgiver

Forgiver,<p>At least H is honest about his mistake and told you about it. My W picked me as a source of her unhappiness in life. I agree with you about long distance that make it hard. One hope OW LB'ed. Again don't go there but could you send some one you trust to snoop & gathering info ?.

Thanks Redhat,
My In laws (MIL< FIL and SIL) want to go down there in April. I thought it would be too soon and would force him in a corner. his parents are very angry and LB alot. My SIL wants to go down with me in the summer if I go and get an apt. I know you said it was not a good idea. But I know my MIL said my H was very spiteful and she thought A might have come about because i did not go there to stay with him. He knows i will go to stay with him for the next 2 years (1Yr there, 1 yr somewhere in states) I will quit my job tomorrow if he called and asked me to come. But with her being there I know A would continue. I still don't know if fog lifts ever. I guess roses were a good sign. But maybe a cruel tease? i don't have anyone I could trust there. They are all his friends. I know he spoke to another girl who lives upstairs from him about his mess. She told him she thought we had an open marriage!!! So he goes to yet another woman to tell his sorrows to. I wish he would call or write. I am going Nuts!! I did 4 work out videos today to keep my mind off him. But i can't! I try mind melding with him and sending him telepathic messages out of despiration!! Am I crazy or what. but all afternoon someone keeps calling and hanging up (4times). On caller id it says unknown caller (He shows up as that) *69 does not work. I think it could be him. Why would a telemarketer hang up on me?
Forgiver
Forgiver

Hey Redhat
I need some more advice. would it be ok to e-mail my H and tell him about things i am doing to change myself and how happy i am about changes? Specifically something i think he would be interested in are the on-line sex class/ info i have been reading. I am making an effort to gather info on how to be a better lover and make my sex life sizzle. I want him to know that I am willing to verbalize my SF needs and I am willing to fulfill his. Learned alot of interesting things. Also learned i was doing very well with the techniques I already established. (MY H was my only lover).
Also, can i ask my H to help me by telling me some areas I need to work on? How should i go about phrasing or asking him? I am working on not being defensive when critized. And communicating my needs. But i would like to ask my H for some input on where he thinks I could work on. It gives me a project, something to do. Although H has said there was nothing i did or did not do that made him do this. is it okay to tell him i am working on changes for me and hope he will reap the benifits? Can I say it will help me meet someone new if he decides he likes where he is and i can go on? Major LB right? i am just looking for some input from h as to what I can do to either make him happy or move on with someone else. Please let me know.
Forgiver

Forgiver,<p>Oh, poor thing. Only if your H knew all of this ... I would not quit my job unless h agree on conseling w/ Jennifer, no contact letter and working on M. Slow down and let your In Laws go down there and educate H about life, let them !!! and the faster is the better.<p>About your phone, get a caller id and reject anyone try to call w/o it. It would cut down the number of telemarketer. They hung up on me since they could not pronounce my last name ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Again you try too hard. About those sex phone [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] ... go punch sand bags in the gymn instead. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Don't corner your H ... either way the answer will hurt you. If H says, yes make me happy but OW is staying or if H say moves on ... [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] . I smiled on your posting because you have a period of urgency ... for the first few months I need to talk to Steve every week and asking him tons of questions. Now I slow down to once a month or when I am on a down 'coaster. When is the last time you talk to Jennifer ?.<p>Now, when is the last time you take care of yourself ?. I mean to be nice to yourself ?. Buy nice dress or go to spa to get pampered or just hang out with several girl freinds ?. Take a break, it seems that your mini trip to H's home town took its toll.

Thanks Again Redhat,
You always know what to say. No contact with Hsince Valentine's day. the trip to see his family really hit me hard. I do not feel comfortable with them any more. It's not that they say or do anything. they support me fully. It's just that it is so frustrating sitting around trying to figure out what happened and what is going to happen. they are convinced he will come back. My SIL and FIL are getrting their passports. they are very angry and want to go down there to knock some sense into him. My MIL is so flipped out she is going to the church, psychic healers and voodoo priestesses to try to do something anything to make this stop.
What was the result of your FIL and BIL going to see your WW?

Forgiver,
Your situation actually is not unique, some WS does plan B'ng BS. The distance is not important ... it is still out of sight ... it is hard too. I am glad that at least you have FIL&MIL support you, actually they are afraid of loosing you. It is also good for your H to see that the pain of A 'cause to every one, not just you. Just get busy and let A dies down.<p>My FIL delayed his trip since he just have a new grandson, from the youngest BIL. It will be sometime next month, I could not wait. Similiar to you situation, I need some people to "talk" to WW since she is listening to OM & OM's family which supports the A. I will keep you updated on this one.