I found out a few days ago about my wife's affair w/ co-worker. after the initial outbursts, we were able to talk. At first I demanded her to quit. Later we talked and decided after her taking a week off, that she would go back to work. She explained how much she enjoyed her job and the pride and self confidence it gave her as she was needing from being a housewife (my nanny to our 3 kids and cleaning lady as she puts it). As I read to the letters and response, this showed the caring, interests, etc. that I needed to. I also contacted her other (who is married also) told him that I new, expect full schedule changes (he is a supervisor)so they do not work together at all, copy of his and my wifes schedule and no futher contact. If not or I suspect there is contact, I will contact his wife and employer (as a supervisor, grounds to be fired). I am unsure of this and am afraid I am setting things up for further affair. I found out about the affair from letters 2 days after it ended, mutually between them according to my wife

Welcome to MB you have come to the right place.
You are the third poster I've replied to this week where the WS, your wife, the wayward spouse has had an affair with someone in authority over her.<p>People who put job satisfaction high on their agenda have to please management. These employees are vunerable to compliments made by managers and easily submit to sexual advances. Similar considerations apply for sales people with customer staff, for people seeking credit, housing or social services. etc etc

1) If a manager seduces an employee he is diverting his work responsibilty and authority for his own personal satisfaction. Senior Management and stockholders need to know their money is being squandered. He should be fired.<p>2) If an employee submits to these advances they should realise that they are being employed and paid to provide sexual services. They are prostitutes.<p>3) If a manager seduces an employee in his own department the other employees career interests are prejudiced.

Let us suppose a manager is attracted to an employee. What whould they do ?<p>IMHO one of the following.<p>Change jobs so that he has no management relationship directly or indirectly with the employee.<p>Wait until the employee moves to a job where there is no management relationship.<p>You will find excellent material on this site about marriage and the relationship with your wife. I just wanted to give you my 2 cents on the work aspects. <p>Good Luck<p>[ January 11, 2002: Message edited by: olderandwiser ]</p>

Pan,
I am sorry you need to be here. If you look long enough here you will find many talks on WS working with other persons. For the most part it doesnt work.
There are a few cases where it does, Leilana and mine for instance. (for now anyway)
I would encourage you to read up on "withdrawel" and such. Even if the seperation was mutual she will miss the "fantasy" of it all.
good luck

Today was the 1st day back after 5 off. Of course she work with him. I talked with her afterwards, and felt better, but the conversation did not end there and I feel like shi- now. How do I keep giving when all I want to do is cry and hold her and all she wants to do is not think about it and space?

Pan,
Unfortunatly the wounded party has to carry so much of the load, especially at first. Its not fair.
My WS also wanted just to forget about it, as ifthat were possible!!!!
Encourage her to read the stuff about emotional needs and take the emotional needs test, it might be revealing to both of you.
You have no control over what she does, only what you do.<p>will check on you tomorrow.
L.