I am going boating this morning with a friend, it should be fun! I wish I could stop thinking of him.<p>He toldme all my snooping and emotions is pushing him away. Oh well. If he is going to make an honest decision regarding our family he cant be with her.<p>I guess money and youth and the adventure of it all is what is getting his attention...I dont know, and I wish I didn't care.<p>I am tired of crying and having emotions for a man who doesn't love me. I told him last nite that I am moving on and maybe I should do what he is doing being "happy" with life. He read further in to it and got upset and said if I need to go have sex then fine. That he hopes I find someone that makes me happy. How can he get upset with me, when he sleeps at her house with her. It has been four months since any physical contact and I have needs as well.<p>I know me too well, I won't do it, but how can he get an attitude with me and get sarcastic when he doing it.<p>I told him I want to meet with her and talk to her. Out of the question, I stumbled upon her name. He couldn't even choose an american. He has to sleep with someone who just gt her visa..<p>I am very confused and have too many ups and downs. I want the rollercoaster to end even if it means divorce [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>He informs me that if I need to move on then I could be the one to file. I can't because I don't want it. How can men live a life and believe they can have there cake and eat it too.<p>I have dreams of the two of them. I see them lying in bed together and it is eating me alive.<p>I haven't ordered the books yet, I am barely surviving trying to keep my family together financially.

deelam,
how are you????
My thoughts are with you.
hugs
BB [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

^^^^^

I haven't read this whole thing, but sorry to see how it turned around. I read many of the boards here but mostly hop between Divorcing/Divorved and emotional needs. In my own situation, I will likely be back on the D/D soon. Too long a story, H in affair with former coworker of both of us! Denies adamanetly. Filed for D after she got hers. Gone 2 mo, came back but I saw him with her at least twice when he lied to me. He ignored our 10th anniversary & I recently saw him at OW's place again after suspecting another lie. He has been cruel & demeaning to me. Threatened lots of things. But I am at the point I am done. Its been one year of misery & hoping he'd realize things. Nope. Since he's been back, its been the same - him sleeping on floor, not returning home til 10 or 11PM & not talking to me.<p>From reading all the boards, everything your H has said to you is nothing new to many. Don't take it to heart too much. It is definately "FOG" talk. Somehow being with OW undid what your sexy talk was doing. But the WS always blames BS for failure of the marriage. Its always our fault . . we didnt keep the house clean enough, gained too much weight, always nag or fight, there's never anything to eat, can't cook, don't listen like SHE does (well SHE is telling him whatever he wants to hear & doesnt have to deal with the emotional abuse) dont make him feel special like she does . . . . BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.<p>Please don't think that it is anything you did. ITS NOT. Your H is responsible for his own actions. Cheating is an act of pure selfishness. ANd out of guilt, he will blame you. Darn, I had hoped when he was saying "he didnt want this" that you had a chance to work it out. Mine said the same in the beginning. He'll want to be near me, even slept with me once in four months, then jumped up & ran back downstairs saying "No, I dont want to give you the wrong idea" !!! See! Fog talk! I think alcohol must be playing a factor in your H's moods too?<p>Do as BlondBlossom says, take care of yourself. No more calls on his cell either, He lied to you. Be courteous, but do your own thing & see if he can open his eyes & catch up! Hang in there!<p>[ June 05, 2002: Message edited by: AgainstTheWind ]</p>