Kimmy, I sure understand your feelings about thinking you should be so much further along in 9-1/2 weeks than you are. I keep thinking the same - but then I remember it's only been 2 weeks since I started a good Plan A. Before then, I would continually get into some major LB's and set us back to square 1 (or beyond!). And I was still focusing on WH and not on me. So hang in there - I've noticed in your last few posts that you have REALLY changed your attitude. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Isn't that the pits to have these so-called friends undermining your efforts to save your marriage?! I know they mean well, but they just don't understand. Luckily I've found at least one friend who DOES support me. And my IC also does. That sure helps.

You mean you come out here on this site all the time too?? Oh, thank you - I thought it was only me, being obsessive! I get so much comfort & strength here that I find myself logging in all the time. Sometimes just lurking, but I find other people's stories have helped me as much as answers to my own problems.

Still wondering about how to discover your H's EN's and why you didn't see they were being unsatisfied, huh? I know, I'm still discovering my WH's EN's. And I thought I knew him inside out. But he hasn't helped at all either, just like yours. I find I have to think back to every conversation we've ever had and try to figure it out myself. Then I'll ask him non-threatening questions or do something to see if I've hit on it. For example, I started wondering if my WH has a real need for "Domestic Support" (which I'd previously thought he had zero need for). I'm going to start doing things around the house to give him that support and see if his attitude changes - things like putting more in the frig than Diet Coke and chocolate bars, buying flowers, adding some homey touches to our apartments. Another thought: Can you ask your H during a calm time to help you fill out the EN Questionnaire so you can see how well you figured out what he needed? You know, tell him it's not for him and not to save your M, but just because he's a friend who knows you so well. And you want it so you can succeed in future relationships, you see. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Manipulative? Yeah, a bit, but I still think it would help you not matter what.

Just some thoughts.

<small>[ September 26, 2002, 06:31 AM: Message edited by: SH94 ]</small>

SH94: Thanks for your comments..good to hear from you! I'm a bit hesitant to ask my H to do the questionnaire. I would love to, but I think he would feel I was 'pushing'. I think I need to back off (which I've been trying to do..thanks for your encouragement saying you think my attitude has changed!) a bit, BUT do the Plan A as best I can. If he seems at all responsive in the new few weeks (one can only hope) then I might suggest it. I did lend the book to him early on in our separation and he said he looked at it but I haven't asked since then..waiting for the right moment. So..I'm trying to be patient.

Yes..I check this site out all the time and love reading other threads. You're right about there being good info in other people's stories.

The latest 'development' (other than my H moving into his own place from his friend's this Saturday)is that fact that after 9 & 1/2 weeks away, and no contact with any of our circle of friends, all of a sudden my H has made plans that I found out through those friends. Tomorrow night he's going out for drinks with two guys that we are close friends with, and then on Monday he's seeing one of our closest women friends, who has been my biggest support so far and is our son's godson. She has tried to get together with him since the beginning and he's not been interested (said he didn't want to tell her 'bad things about me as I'm her friend'), but now all of a sudden he's getting in touch with people.

On one hand I'm glad as he's starting to get social. On the other hand, it's scary because who knows what he'll be telling them.

I also don't know if this means he misses his 'old life' and these people, or if it's just him now deciding he wants to keep those friends whether he's with me or not.

Well..my H had drinks with the two friends the other night. One friend's wife called me today and said that my H told the guys that he's looking forward to moving into his own place (today) and that he's still adamant in his feelings about not wanting to be with me, not loving me, and wanting to start his new life.

So..today is hard enough without that. I just don't know why he is willing to walk away from his family. What is it he wants that he doesn't have here? He doesn't even know what he wants.

I really need some good input from anyone out there who can give me some glimmer of hope. I'm still Plan A'ing, but he's still not interested in me at all..just less angry talking to me. This morning he was telling me he's ordered a new computer for his new place and is setting up his internet, etc. I was 'interested' but inside of course I was just dying.