<strong>i really don't get why you don't understand that i was lied to as well, he tried to brainwash me as he did his wife... wanted me to love him and trust him blindly, like his wife did.....where did it get her to trust him so much......on the phone with another woman....sorry </strong>

Dear Boiling Over,

I completely understand that you were lied to and brainwashed and that he wasn't worthy of your trust. Adulterers lie to everyone- their spouse, their affair partner, themselves. You need the mental strength not to allow yourself to be brainwashed, hopefully you have it now. It's time to break free and leave yourself open to more productive relationships.

As for his wife, their relationship is not your concern. You informed her, that is enough. Anything more suggests that you are trying to get revenge in some way. You're angry that MM didn't leave his W for you, so you want to hurt him by hurting his wife. Or you want her to get so angry that she dumps him and he's forced to come to you. I'm not saying these are your motives, but if you persist in seeking contact with either of them, I would then say that the above is your motive, rather than sincerely wanting to end the affair and be honest.

Stop thinking about MM and his wife and go out in the world and do some good. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or get involved in a church project.

Oh my gosh... This is one sick thread!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

boiling... geez... you really think you HELPED their marriage??? I'm stunned. Completely stunned. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> .......i hope in the end they won't hate me too much for bringing them closer...... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So you had an affair with this man out of the goodness of your heart?? That is definately a new one. Haven't heard it before.

Honey, you need to get a clue... you didn't help his marriage... you took a big part in damaging it. Do you have any idea how it feels to be betrayed by your spouse?? And let me tell you something.. .you can be married for years and years and still have passion. Geez, if you don't know that, then I seriously feel sorry for you. Yes, the guy is a creep... and so are you! He lied to you?? Well what did you expect?? He's a MM having an Affair!!!!!! You expected honesty from him????? You need to get a clue. You knew what you were getting into. So, no, I don't feel sorry for you at all. It always amazes me when the OW sounds suprised that the MM lied to her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I don't mind OW coming to this board.. but some of your comments were way off...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ........i guess you just can't handle the truth either..maybe you're afraid your husband felt the same way about his mistress.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nice boiling .. real nice. But since you asked.. No, my H didn't feel that way for his mistress. She was pretty, I'm pretty too. She was just pretty in a different way. He NEVER wanted a real relationship with her. She is shallow and selfish. He knows he could never be with her in an honest relationship. But she was pretty, and "exciting". The lie, the fantasy, the escapism... was exciting. She was an object to him, not a person. So , Boiling.. . can you handle the truth? or maybe you're afraid your MM felt the same way about YOU! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I better stop before I say something I'll regret..

Just get counseling, you need it, and good luck with your life.

I am alittle upset that U gave me some advice or your opion on my thread but now that I have been reading everything here about U and that U are OW I have some comments of my own . Well first I don't think it is that bad U called other women cause she should know truth or what lies he told U although hurt full to her it is out and maybe H would not have come clean . But answer a couple of questions
1) If he was separeated where U aloud to call him whenever U wanted 1, 2, 3 am if needed ?
2) Did U meet any of his family friends as his new love?
3) Why if U wanted to end it long time ago didn't U call wife?
4) where was your plan B get "d" papers or don't come around ?
5) did U ever stop and think if he put as much time into his W emotional needs as he did time with u they would have worked on M long ago?
I first sign to back off is no "D" papers theres is something there holding on to it drives me crazy that OW always over look that don't even say for the kids because a REAL man would know it is the best intrest not to stay in a loveless marriage for kids they grow up lied to and decived thinking that people aren't who they say they are and feeling and emotions are something that can be fack . Instead of understanding love is something that should not be hidden . I echo alot of thing the were said here about your phone call possiblly having 2 motives U needed to see if he will pick U and just how in love with u he is . H mite try and come back to U after he trys to convince w he is sorry , because he wants to clear air with u and feel guilty that he ended up with his W and maybe to ask for u to forgive him what ever the case unless he comes baring papers it is all a lie and don't worry about his w she is not your concern just as long as u stay away far away and the only way I suggest u contact w again is if u need to get a restainig order to keep him away from u that proves u don't want him around.

[QUOTE] --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
........i guess you just can't handle the truth either..maybe you're afraid your husband felt the same way about his mistress....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Actually yes he did, thats why he is here with me like your MM is at home with the wife he loves <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Of course he told OW how wonderful she was and how much he loved her, when another woman comes along and puts out with no strings attached what do you think they are going to tell you, the truth? That you are just a toy:rolleyes: Wake up sweetie, you were used....(Now, how are you coping with the truth so far ?)
I would dearly like to see the W in here to hear the truth about this affair because we are only getting the so called facts from you, therefore we may never hear the truth as you can't lie straight in bed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> You stated thet she was nicer to you that some of us....What you understood as NICE was probably PITY, she pities you because you are pathetic and gullable <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
As for passion, in a marriage it's called love, in an affair it's called LUST, but you are such a moron that you don't know the difference <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Then again you have never been in a marriage long enough to understand love, nor are you ever likely to be with the attitude you have <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Anyway.....hope you enjoyed me ramming some TRUTH down your neck.
NOW GO AND GROW UP! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yipee Marilyn!! You Go Girl!!! (frantically searching for the cheering emoticons....)

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

For Baby Blue:

She was pretty, I'm pretty too. She was just pretty in a different way. He NEVER wanted a real relationship with her. She is shallow and selfish. He knows he could never be with her in an honest relationship. But she was pretty, and "exciting". The lie, the fantasy, the escapism... was exciting. She was an object to him, not a person

How long did it get you to get to this point? I am three months post DDAY and am still having some self esteem problems with OW. She was 13 years younger and pretty, very pretty, plus she was a professionally trained opera singer, and I sound like a hoarse tone deaf frog. And my H is a jazz musician. Really hard. But he tells me that I am the most beautiful woman to him even though he was blind before. Did your husband tell you how beautiful you are and you - couldn't - quite accept it?

boiling over:

Hold still, for rice cake! I keep missing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I didn't know you in your other "life" on this 4um, but I will at least acknowledge an awkward attempt at making things right (why is awkward such an awkward word?).

You have a lot 2 learn, and obviously a lot of bitterness 2 overcome in order 2 fully heal (and stop hurting!) from your experience. I wish you well. I have nothing 2 add from the fine posts you've received so far...

KS:

"How long did it get you to get to this point? I am three months post DDAY and am still having some self esteem problems with OW."

Well, I won't speak for others, but hang on tight! It's been 10.5 months since D-day for me, and I am still wondering when I'll get 2 this point!

"She was 13 years younger and pretty, very pretty, plus she was a professionally trained opera singer, and I sound like a hoarse tone deaf frog."

Somehow I bet you can outsing that frog! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> RM is 11 years younger than my WW. I've had a tough time with this in the past. But, the other day, she said 2 me "You're beard is like Sean Connery's", which made me smile. ...my W LOVES Sean Connery (especially in his later movies), and he's a LOT older than I am! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' 2long.

is it just me, or does this poster seem like she might be that load of fun known as mosana? same bull, different screen name!

((((KC))))

I know this is hard. It's been 9mo past our first Dday for me. And it's still hard. I know I'm pretty, I always get looks and compliments from guys. But I'm also very aware that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. So there are lots of times I wonder if H truly finds me beautiful... I mean, who knows what his definition of "pretty" is?? He tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and sometimes I believe he thinks I am, and sometimes, I wonder if he's just paying lipservice, ya know? I also know he thinks she is pretty, or as he says "so perfect, she was plastic, not real" --- Is that supposed to make me feel better?? She was/is a tall willowy blond, with long thick blond hair, big blue eyes, just your everyday all-american cheerleader type. Yes, she is pretty, in the dime a dozen plastic barbie doll way ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> )

I'm short, slender, but w/curves. Med length blond hair, green eyes, but I have more of an exotic look... olive skin tone, high cheek bones, etc. So I know I'm attractive in my own ORIGINAL way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I guess the trick is, stop worrying how he looks at you, YOU know you are a beautiful smart funny charming LOYAL honest person. You are better than her. You are better than him. When you start treating yourself w/love and respect, other people follow. Nothing is sexier and prettier than a woman with self-confidence. There is so much more to us than our looks. What's inside of us is what shines through and makes us completely beautiful people.

Your H's OW may have been pretty on the outside, but what kind of creature lives in her heart? Why would you even want to compare yourself to her?? You are the better person, inside and out. I don't know if I'm helping or not,,, I'm still working through all this myself, and prob trying to convince myself as much as you. But if we can give ourselves positive reinforcement, maybe someday we'll truly believe it in our hearts as well as our heads. Hang in there, and let me know how you're doing. ((((Hugs)))))

Well said Baby. I wonder if when you start liking, loving and being happy with the way YOU look, it will make you more confident. However, WAYYYY easier said than done. I'm NOT skinny but I'm not OBESE either. Just moderately overweight. I lost 5 pounds on DDAY and the day after! Need a couple more of those - NOT!!!!

hello all- i am 1 year into this mess. but i can always make myself feel great- i have something she will never have-----

wanna know what?????

i have honor, dignity, and self-respect!!!! she threw hers away <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

so do you all--rejoice in that!!!!

Dear Boiling ,

haven't seen any post from U to respond to anything else I do hope to see U post back cause I just finished on my post and thought of U .

I have some more to say some anger to release and being U are the OW in someone elses situation I want to direct it at U .

First your nothing but a fact lieing minipulating SLUT . A desparate excuse for a women I men himan being . I have had it with the OW OP bulls**** U needed him , leand on him knowing all along HE WAS MARRIED yes he knew to but U encourged his behavior and like I said in other post U called in hope he would choose u . ARE U people a speil breed ? MARRIED means off limits where did u grow up? U evil trailer trash slut. Praising your self "THAT HE WAS WITH U HE COULDN"T BARE TO GO HOME" B**** well maybe if U didn't spead your legs so fast he would have. I hope U live the life of pain , pain multipled by infinity of the pain his wife has to go through and will have to deal with the rest of her life . U hurt people and their kids with no remoss . U are not sorry for any of it ,U where excited by the hole thing the lies sneaking it made the sex all the exciting . U make me sick and I am sure this is mean and some of u may be feelong the samething but I don't care how it comes across it is all true and what we all feel deep inside for these kinds of ANIMALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I know some feel giving the OP our time of day is not healthy but it is what we want to do is destroy then alittle to feel what we feel .

Boiling don't go their cause NO u don't feel what we feel cause WE didn't ask for it . IF u are hurt cause u fell in love that is what u ask for it was YOUR decision to open your legs and your heart(IF U HAVE ONE) to a MARRIED MAN!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

YOU asked for this pain WE did not !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do wish MY H's other women would call me I want nothing more to make her here this so she can go to bed at night know what kind of S*** i think she is and the rest of society thinks of u.

3:

Don't forget that ALL of us on MB who are M'd and still WANT 2 be M'd 2 WSs hear your tirade directed at our WSs, 2. Not just whatsername here.

I love my W. I think many BSs love their spouses. Trailer trash? We've never owned a trailer...

Calm down, take a stress pill, and think about it.

2long-

I am sorry if my letter wasn't clear I AM NOT DICECTING THIS IN ANY TO ANY ONES WS WEATHER THEY ARE THE ONE WHO MADE THE MISTAKE OR THE BS.

This is directed at anger at the OW OR OM that they had the afair with . I don't think at any time I gave the inpression the I think a spuose can't change or is not sorry for what they did .

THIS IS ABOUT THE POEPLE THEY HAD THE AFFAIR WITH

I will say it again I mean to not offened any one else but am not saying I am sorry for offending the people who choose to have the affair with the married people I hope this clears up anything u where hurt by .

Also my use of "trailer trash "was stayed to these LOVERS its a term we use here to dicribe a le life . maybe not so nice but wasn't looking to be nice to whats her name .

2long-

Really hope u read .once again I am sorry and just found your history . I guess I was just wanting to direct anger at H other W and found myself their .
NO excuse responsibe for my own actions. On a very low path and I am sick of being nice . Well that isn't your probblem . I'm done . good luck to all .

WOW......don't quite know where to start <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ....I was away on a business trip for a couple of days ......travelling partner is a MM, nothing going on between us.....let me tell you guys one thing before you judge me, we met with lawyers and bankers and business owners...all of them married with children.....each one was looking for girls....i pity you women who sit at home all day and lead BORING miserable lives, HOPING and PRAYING that your [censored] husband doesn't cheat on you again....and put INTERESTING and SMART and PRODUCTIVE....let's not forget BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY women like me down for being out there and being approached by your husbands!!!!!!
Furthermore.....i NEVER said that i wanted my XMM back....you guys just don't want to accept reality....it doesn't bother me that you say that i was a TOY yawn, so uncreative to use that word......lets put it this way, HE WAS MY TOY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm not afraid to be a lonely old woman, that makes me laugh.....
As the days go by I am feeling more and more sorry for my XMM who is STUCK in his HUMDRUM existence with his HUMDRUM wife.....I will let you know when he calls me back, i can feel it.....i on the other hand am feeling GREAT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I am though very shocked at how limited your views are about life, i guess that comes from being in a HUMDRUM predictable existence.....
Sorry guys, i tried to be open minded about being here and talking to you guys, but unfortunately i was wrong....it bothers you WAY TOOOO MUCH that us OW are not all dingbats trying to steal other women's husbands.....get a grip and accept what's out there...the world does not stop at your doorstep, SOOOOOO naive. That's why I CHOOSE to be who I am.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

3:

I don't get offended easily, and I really wasn't offended by your anger directed at boilingover. Just that we're ALL human in this life. Even OP. In my case, my W's OM is also M'd, AND my W said SHE was the agressor in the A (at least initially). I guess my point is that all parties involved make mistakes, some more terrible than others, and some more premeditated than others. It's hard 2 find the "fault" in an A, and really isn't important in ending one. What is important is how do we all learn from this awful experience so that NONE of us repeats our same old mistakes.

I would tend 2 agree that boilingover comes across as a rather pitiful or even despicable individual on the face of what I've read, and that's unfor2nate. She has a heckuva lot 2 recover from, and doesn't appear ready 2 begin the healing process. I hope she can someday, before causing someone else irreparable harm.

All my best 2 you, and don't worry about offending me. You really haven't. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

boilingover:

Man, what a piece of work.

I'd pity you for that sad outlook on life, the universe, and everything, but... ...well, I just don't have 2!

Later Hosen. (that's german for "shorts")