</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by boilingover:
<strong>us OW are not all dingbats trying to steal other women's husbands.....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok. What exactly were you trying to do?

OH I almost forgot to mention that you are not INNOCENT victims. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ..BOOHOO...you chose to marry that CHEATING MAN, I would rather be single and having fun than marry and worry about a man's [censored] <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> ....I married a man who never cheated on me, (together 12 yrs. divorced 13yrs. ago) Hence a man who doesn't cheat... and if I were to ever to hook-up with another man "forever", it would be with another one who doesn't cheat....you see I am not that desperate and VERY smart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .....and YES there are men who don't cheat....But of course they are the BORING ones.....
Again, you guys could learn a couple of good lessons from me....But I understand that YOUR SILLY LITTLE PRIDE won't let you...That's O.K. your loss <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

BO--how do you know he didn't cheat? you're an ow--you know the bull***t husbands get away with.

ATPEACE are you that Dumb.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ...give me a break.... can't you read.....I was having a GOOD TIME with my MM....not wanting me to become one of you....read my post then reread it if your mind cannot capture the idea......
Now I know why some of your husbands want to get out and have a good time.....with wittier girls <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

BO:

It sounds like you really need the peace of God in your life. Is there a good church you can go to, or a minister you can talk with?

I'm sorry, but I don't play the name-calling games. I'm not called "at peace" for nothin' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . But I recognize a cry for help when I hear one.

Lori

<small>[ December 06, 2002, 03:14 PM: Message edited by: at peace ]</small>

BO (and I just LOVE the initials!):

How is that you managed 2 end a 12 year M 13 years ago, when you're only 3 years old 2day???

I'm confused. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Lostbuthpeful....I know he didn't cheat because first of all he was not the type....secondly, well between me and him i was the one who was more "extraverted".....and in a couple its always one or the other....i was the one who was attracted to other men in my marriage, that is why i did the correct thing and left the marriage so that he could find someone that he could share his life with, and he did and i went on to explore life in other ways...we both don't regret it.... i am not the selfish person you guys think i am.....i always told my XMM that he should not live his life unauthentically....i wasn't cheating on anyone, i was just exploring another human being.....HE was cheating on his wife, leading double life....UNAUTHENTIC......Don't you guys get it, you're the one's with the problem, not me.....the problem being that your cheating spouses are too afraid or too cowardly to assume responsability for who they are.....I was not afraid to leave my marriage to make things right.....it was not an easy road to happiness after that..... my Xhusband tried to commit suicide and followed me for 1½yrs. until he met his present girl with whom he has 2 children with...we still talk all the time and we are very good friends... I helped him through our bad times and even wanted him to come back if thats what he wanted but i never lied to him about how i felt....most husbands can't stand the thought of hurting innocent wife and being alone....i crossed that line and after the storm it all worked out....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

WOW!! I do not post here, but I have read this thread, and as I was reading all the posts, I saw them start to digress into something so unproductive and hypocritical and I had to ask myself "WHY"?
Boilingover- From what I gathered you posted as a BS,and people took offense, alot gave opinions, fine. You then stated that you wanted to be here to help others, and I assume you meant in that you could help yourself also.
Then I keep reading the posts and see some hurtful remarks from a few posters that seemed to get this "cog" turning into a muck of Nothingness. I kept reading thinking, well it will settle down and something will be said to turn it around, but Nooooo, it just became a Jerry Springer moment.
This site is to help anyone and everyone that has a goal of repairing marriage, themselves, learning and growing. Wether we share experiences as a BS, WS, OM/OW...we all LEARN. So I ask this; why did this post have to go to such a destructive place? Did anybody feel comfort from reading these posts? Anyone feel anymore enlightened by reading this as to the whys and wherefores of As? Anyone get worked up and did it dredge up the pain and hurt that brought us here in the first place?
I do not know about anyone else but I would think that any post that goes to this level just is not worth the bantering and the name calling and the mudslinging, waste of precious energy. BoilingOver, I do not know you and I did not judge you or anyone else. But I was offended by your remarks about BS as I was offended by another's post of OW/OM. I group us as hurt individuals not the labels we have to give ourselves to tell our stories.
JMHO, and please feel free to ask me if I am dumb or stupid? I know I am neither. I hope I did not offend anyone here by this post.

boilingover bowl of liquid nitrogen (really cold stuff, I might add):

"he didn't cheat because first of all he was not the type"

What IS the "type?"

"i am not the selfish person you guys think i am"

No, I'm sure you're not. You're the selfish person I know very little about.

"i wasn't cheating on anyone, i was just exploring another human being"

Interesting way 2 describe cheating.

As for "unauthenticity?":

"You told your mom you're stoked on Tom...
Then went for a cruise in Freddy's car
Tommy's asking where you are.
You boogied all night in a cheesy bar
Plastic boots and plastic hat,
And you think you know where it's at?"

-Frank Zappa (the Mothers of Invention) "You're probably wondering why I'm here"

End of discussion. Ol' 2long will leave this putrid thread 2 the mercy of the moderators!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

2long....I met my husband at 16, I married when i was 18, had my son(who is my pride and joy)at 19...he is currently studying to be an engineer.....I seperated from my husband when I was 28....so together for 12yrs...married 10yrs....are you following 2long <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .....officially divorced 5yrs. after that....we didn't care about the paperwork....we were the best of friends by then......today I am 40yrs. young and i have done everything right with MY MARRIAGE.....2½yrs. ago i met a MM and i tried to make him understand this way but he would rather lie and cheat...so be it....he is where i was all that time ago.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> i have met many people men and women since my marriage and there are many ways to live life....i just happened to connect with a person who was married....again..his problem not mine ..i tried to help him see that what he was doing was wrong FOR HIM....not living his life authentically..but he would rather lie and cheat before being honest with his wife.....i was always honest with my Xhusband....that's why we still care about each other today......

BO:

It still doesn't add up, and I have a PhD...

There's a serious disconnect going on here. You ac2ally have convinced yourself that "enabling" your MM 2 have an A with you isn't dishonest?

Don't answer, it'll only confuse me more, and I'm having enough trouble with that 3yr old divorcee thang!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Don't you guys get it, you're the one's with the problem, not me.....the problem being that your cheating spouses are too afraid or too cowardly to assume responsability for who they are
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">actually our Hs are the ones with the biggest problem, as i'm sure you can see from what you wrote. all of them are dishonest and unfaithful. and i agree with you on the point that they are too afraid or cowardly to assume responsibility--this is something they have to learn themselves. why would you willingly get involved with someone like that?

honestly, if you have never been a bw, you can't possibly know what it feels like for a man to promise before God and all your family and friends ot spend the rest of his life with you and only you and then turn around and do something like this. you are entitled to your opinion, as is everyone, but until you have been in our situation, you have no right to pass judgment. we are here bc we love our husbands and want to rebuild our marriages, if it's possible. that doesn't mean that we are pathetic, or doormats , or don't have a mind of our own. you made a choice to be with a married man, we made a choice to try to work things out. in the end we may all wind up getting kicked in the a$$ for it, but we don't need to kick each other.

I must come to the conclusion that we really cannot learn from each other.......my mistake guys <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> your limited views on OWs not being real people....one thing i know for sure is that when your husband has a hardon for OW......its real real HARD....to accept, I know <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Boilingover,

A very apt nom de plume. You have bought into every stereotype in the book. You seem to think only OW are intelligent, intellectual, attractive, fit, charming, funny, successful in their careers, etc. Imagine how amazed you would be if you experienced the real world. You cannot possibly the age you claim to be. If, by some strange rip in the fabric of the universe, you are the 40 yo you have claimed, how in the world did you ever gain meaningful employment? Your view of other people, especially married women, is beyond skewed.

Did you ever, for one minute, consider that married men might be coming on to you because you send out signals? Has it ever crossed your mind that "he's not that type" is the most trite AND delusional phrase ever uttered?

For someone who doesn't think she deserves judging, you do an inordinate amount of it yourself.

Your posts consistently contradict one another. Your choice of moniker surely is no accident. With whom are you really angry? When you figure it out, that will be the moment you begin to deal with it and let it go. I'm sure you can't see it right now, hopefully, you will. If not, you'll be boiling over for the remainder of your life. And that's very sad.

No need to respond with how happy you are. You've already displayed your level of happiness.

~

bo:

"I must come to the conclusion that we really cannot learn from each other"

Perhaps you must.

".......my mistake guys your limited views on OWs not being real people."

Don't recall anyone ever saying this. Where did you get the idea?

"one thing i know for sure is that when your husband has a hardon for OW"

I don't have a H. My W was an OW, though.

"its real real HARD....to accept, I know "

Oh, so THAT's what your A was based on! I feel sorry for you, bo. 3 years old, with all that prior life experience and no sign that you'll ever have a rewarding emotional or spiri2al relationship with anyone because you believe that all men are slaves 2 their (and your) units. Very sad.

...at least you may have 72 years of oppor2nities 2 grow.

2long......i have a masters degree in psychology......what's your PHd for...POORLY HUMANLY DEVELOPED???? Sorry you asked for it.....

Secondly, ENABLING MM to have affair......HOW RIDICULUS!!!!!! I can't stand this ignorance.....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by boilingover:
<strong>i have a masters degree in psychology</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That explains it all.

"Women psychiatrists" -12 Monkeys

(with apologies 2 both women psychiatrists AND women psychologists, but hey... I LOVED that movie!)

Ac2ally, it's for post hole digging... And I'm pretty darned good at it, 2!

Yes, enabling your MM 2 have an A with you. That's not ignorance, that's exactly what you did. You knew he was a MM, and even though you seem 2 believe that you have a great deal of respect for M (because you DV'd your H so you wouldn't cheat on him), you had no respect for your MM's M.

You could have loved him more than you did, by REFUSING 2 have an A with him. That's enabling. That's cheating (yourself, him, and his family). That's lying. That's deceit. That's "unauthentic." Aka PHONEY.

"The not unblack dog chased the not unwhite rabbit across the not ungreen field." -George Orwell.

2long...i think your enjoying this childish behavior, so i wont be adressing you anymore....you have enough problems with YOUR CHEATING WIFE!!! hmmm....i wonder what your missing!!!!!

this is all too simple.....Man cheats....Man is the problem......i never said that the wives are anything less than OW or vise-versa......

no, i don't attracted MMs more than SGs..never said that....just said that MMs are out there looking for either sex or attention or frienship or or or or etc.......everyone is different....everyone is looking for something different...my relationship with XMM was not soley based on sex.. we became good friends, i met his mom, his family and friends.....i am still friends with them.....his brother called me just last week to see how i'm doing....that's O.K....doesn't mean i want him and the relationship back.....only means i was worthy enough as person for his family and friends to see how i'm doing and to care enough about my feelings.....and that makes me feel good.....anything wrong with that???

Since i have posted here i have read maybe 4 or 5 comments that made any sense.....of course none of which came from 2long.....but i can't understand why an OW should lose sleep over a man's wife she doesn't even know.....isn't he responsible for cheating, shouldn't HE lose sleep over his wife.....not all OW want the MM to divorce the family.......