Last night I lost it. I called him and told him I can't do this, I can't keep hurting like this and I fell the only way is to let him go. I feel he is still lying to me. Although, he promise me he is not lying and not in contact with the other women, How do I know for sure? If you find out about an afair, and you confront your husbandand he confesses. Don't you think at some point he would contact the other women to say "She knows about us." Well, he claims he has not had any contact.(Yeah Right!!) I can not trust him until he starts being honest. He makes me feel like a fool, I want so much to believe in him, that I get confused and I can't think straight. I really feel bad about stressing him while he is away, and saying the things I said to him. I accused him of having his B**** there with him. I also told him when he gets back, to get ready to file paperwork for seperation. I regret telling him about me leaving him, but I feel helpless and afraid. I just said those things to hurt him, or wake him up to what could happen if he does not start being honest with me. I know Im not to do that but at the time it felt right.

I called my MC this morning and left a message for her to call me, because Im have these issues. I don't want to take any medication for this, but if it will help and not cause any health issues I may consider it. Talking with you guys helps me out alot. If it was not for MB I would be on a bus back to Philly.

Hello everyone,

Yesterday was a breaking point for me. I had a group session with my MC and other women who are having similar issues. I started off by telling my story and then the tears came. Later the whole session was focused on me, and they gave me so much suport and advice, that when I left, I brought home some new friends.

The day before, I emailed one of the OW and now I realized it was a mistake.However, Im glad I did, because it made me face reality. I started out pouring my heart out and telling her how much I was hurting. I also said I just needed answers. I told her that in order for my husband and I to work things out there relationship must end. To be brief.. She said it was not up to me to decided weather their relationship was over, and I should get a grip. Well she was right. I now have a "grip", and when my husband gets back from Cali, I will tell him. I have decided to go back to school and start concentrating on improving who I am, and he needs to take some time and decide on what and who he wants. Im not going to put allot of pressure on him, because trying to -force- him to leave her won't work. He needs to
-want- to leave. If he does it on his own that will be the first step in me believing in him again. If he does not make the choice Im comfortable with then I will leave. I can't emagine leaving him being worst than staying with someone who chooses to hurt me. I refuse to allow him to humiliate me any further. So on that note.. Im on the road to recovery. I feel much better. Last night was the first night since D-Day I did not cry. Thank you guys for all your support.