Hi everyone! Just thought I would update my story, since it has been 9 days since I was told about my H having sex with another woman twice during a 90 day deployment last summer. We have had countless conversations since and I am still riding an emotional roller coaster, however, my H called the other woman on three-way (while I listened)and told her how much he regretted his decision to be unfaithful to me. They both agreed they had made a huge mistake. I found listening to this difficult yet quite helpful all at the same time. We will be attending our first marriage counseling session today and I just wanted to know what I should expect. So if anyone can give me any info. I would appreciate it. Thanks again to all the wonderful people who responded to my story, I believe they helped me focus my mind somewhat toward coping. THANKS! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

K...first sessions are largely gathering background on the two of you. What your childhood was like, the makeup of your families, any other marriages, what happened, if there was abuse. Finding out about any past which may effect the present and the future. Very little is done at this first session...besides background.

The one issue you want to impress upon your counselor is that you are there to make your marriage better. Some counselors are terrible and will always lean towards just throwing in the towel. Make sure that the counselor knows that you are committed. You want to learn new skills for communicating, new ways of fighting if this is a need, and some guidance in self-reflection.

Good Luck!!!

I just want to welcome you to MB, I am a new member also, and I have found alot of help here. Please continue to keep reading post and talking with the members here , they will give you lots of support and advice.

I had my first meeting with a MC last week. The MC seem to want to gather information on what our problem was. It gave me a chance to speak my mind and let my WH know how I felt. We will have seprate sessions and some joint session. Our MC also told us about Group sessions with other couples would be good for us. Just be honest with yourself,your H, and MC My husband is also in the millitary, and I know, all to well about his trips away (TDY) from home. Be strong and work with your MC to help you get through this. Keep us posted and God Bless.

My husband is TDY in Cali , so you know what im feeling. I told him i think you were not expecting to be found out, and you had plans to be with your lover while in Cali. It hard for me to believe that you had a change of plans. Ialso told him not to call me while he was a way, because I wanted som "ME TIME" . I don't know if he still cheating and that hurts ontop of everthing else. There are two women he is having an afair with, one is his ex-girlfriend and the other is in the military. He protects them, he wont tell me about them nor will he tell them its over. He just says he does not call them and they hav'ent called him. He will be gone for week in California (It driving me crazy) Apart of me wants to give up so the pain will go away. I just don't trust him any more, even when he tells me he want to make the marriage work. I think he want to protect his military career. I have a question, If I report him to his comander, can he be put out of the service?????????

Hello strongwoman,
First if you report the A's to his commander his commander will make the decision as to what punishment to give him. This can range from an LOR (letter of reprimand), demotion in rank, or a court martial. My husband's physical affair did come out and we are waiting to see what will happen. The other woman bragged about it to several other military females and like a wildfire out of control it spread. I know the only reason my husband confessed (7 months after the sex incidents) is because he knew I would find out.
Just to let you know I live in California and we are stationed at Travis Air Force Base. I just thought it was ironic because you said he is in California for a week.
I believe one of my biggest issues right now is that I have to learn to trust him again and right at the moment I feel that is impossible. That will make him going TDY unbearable for me and our 3 kids. I don't know how you are surviving right now with him gone. When did you find out about the affairs? Are they emotional or physical or both? Is the other military woman married or you don't know? See I have spoke to my husband's other woman on the phone and she said she was sorry; however, she had been talking about wanting him before they ever left and she knew he was married, she didn't care.
Kimmie

Well, My husband afairs began during dating, he was with the ex-girlfried. I saw her hair around, things of that nature. he denied everything. She later called his cell phone while I was with him. I asked her not to call anymore, and she said"she wanted him to say that." Well he did, but it was all just to fool me. while we were planning the wedding he was sleeping with her. ( I found out thru reading his emails) I found out that he has been seeing another woman who work for the military, and one more young lady who he was attemping to get involved with. All this happen during our marriage. I let my job of 10 years in Philly and took my son out of school to move here in Maryland with my husband. I gave up everthing for his lie. I want for him to make it up to me or I want him to pay for taking my life away from me. I had the Cinderella wedding, the wedding every little girl dreams of. He was in his dress blues, i was in my white gown. He was my prince charming. I loved him so much and today I want to hurt him for taking all that away. He stole my dream. I just don't know what to do. Im trying to hold on, but untill he can assure me that the other women mean nothing to him, that will ease the pain, and I can move forward. Right now I just want to cry until I fall asleep. Im sorry for going on and on, but I just need someone to talk to.